We take people forgranted. We take relationships forgranted. We do. It's just how we're made. We don't wake up each day and think - how can I let everyone I love know exactly just how much I love them today? We might do that for a few days after a crisis situation, but then we revert back to our old ways of thinking mostly about ourselves. I'm not sure why we do this but I know it's true.
I miss my dad. I saw him on Christmas Day which was just over a week ago. And it isn't uncommon that I might not see him for several weeks, even though we lived within mere miles of each other. But now, I've taken him forgranted and he's gone...and I miss him. And you know what's hard about this? He chose to leave, he didn't die where he had no choice in the matter. No, he chose to go, and while I know THIS IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME, I can't help but feel a bit slighted that me and my kids weren't enough to stay for. Yep, there. I said it. I'm feeling that way.
We've been communicating via email. I'm so thankful that he wants to retain communication with us, and it's been good to find out a bit more about where he is and those kinds of things.
And still...I miss him. I miss how flippin' hilarious he is. I miss how he can make me laugh like no other. I miss the fact that he loved my kids like only a few other people (their grandparents) can. While I want him to be home, I don't want him to short circuit his healing process and the healing that needs to happen here at home in order for him to return.
Have you ever felt like your family has got to be the most messed up family there ever was? And yet here's the truth about it - how many of us have "normal" families? How ironic that I chose this name for my blog a few years back. Yes, this IS our normal. And you know what? I love our normal! I think it's far too easy a mentality to believe that perfection is what you need to reach for in terms of relationships and families. We live in a little "perfect" town in Iowa that is in desperate need of a reality check. Life here isn't perfect, yet so many people spend so many of their waking hours trying to make a perfect little life with perfect little kids and perfect families and perfect houses....the list goes on. How I long for a time when we can be real with each other! When we can sit down and say, "Hey, my poop stinks! I'm not ashamed to admit it! And hey, sometimes I feed my kids 100% sugar AS A MEAL! It's fun!" I'm praying we can all strive for the acceptance of imperfection. Because I believe it is when we find out we're imperfect that we're the most perfect there is - in complete agreement with God about our shortcomings and ready for Him to fill our void.