Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Breast specialist, she is!

I have to say, she knows her way around a boob. James wondered if he could go back to school to do that. Heather says it's probably too obvious - school wouldn't let him in. I have to agree with Heather on this one.

So yeah, I had my appointment with the doctor today. Honestly, we don't know much more. Well, that's not entirely true. We know it (the mass) is coming out. We know that's going to happen on August 8 at 11am in Des Moines. What we don't know is if it's completely benign or not. It sure appears to be, and the doctor felt pretty confident about that today. But sometimes, pathology can find something else. And that is where I'm praying the fear away. I can call to find out pathology results on Aug 11 after 1:30pm. Do not attempt to call me or speak to me at 1:30 and 01seconds.

My mom came with me. Glad to have her there because they asked a whole lot of questions about grandparents and family members, many of which I did not have the answers to. And glad to have her there because sometimes, a girl just needs her mom.

Thank you for supporting us! And thank you for supporting my boobs. I know, I just, in one measly second, made you feel as if you were a bra. But I really do mean it. Thanks!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My turn for medical

Normally I spend my time planning my kids' next doctor visits, from well-child appointments to a tonsillectomy for Avery coming up in 2 weeks. I'm pretty good at keeping track of all that, and used to worrying about this, that and everything.

It's now my turn to worry...about myself.

On Thursday I went for my routine physical. Now I want to be upfront and let you know that it's been over 2 years since I have gone, and in that same time span I have lost the equivolent of a 2nd grader in terms of weight. At the breast exam part my doctor paused. Then came the question, "Have you always had this?" Uhh, apparently not, because I have no idea what you're talking about. But I felt it myself - big, BIG lump there.

Then begins the dance with medical imaging at the hospital. I finally get scheduled for Wed (today) in the morning. So I had 5 days to obsess and "pinch my boob" as Avery kept asking me why in the world I was doing that.

Heather came to watch my kids and to the hospital I went. While I was waiting in the Women's Imaging Center this guy walks in. This guy is my husband. He got off work to come be with me!!!! And then he got kicked out, because men can't be in the Women's Imaging Center...but it was really stinking sweet. Then came the mammogram. People, it does NOT hurt. All the horror stories, all the reasons I was nearly pooping myself, all for naught. It doesn't hurt. Does it feel like a tickle? Sheeeeeeeeeeetno, but come on, you knew it wouldn't be comfy. After that I went to the ultrasound, where James was allowed. Incidentally it was the same ultrasound room where I was when I was shocked to learn we were having twins! Good times.

The important doctor came in then and gave us the news. I have a very rare thing called a hamartoma. Apparently it's an encapsulated growth of junk - I dunno what's all in there but it's fat and tissue and more fat and more breast tissue. I've likely had it all my life and it just grew as my boobs grew. It grew lots though. He said it's the size of an ostrich egg. I looked that up. It's 7inx5in. Holy..... He made sure to tell us that it wasn't cancer. And he made sure to tell us that it was very rare. Multiple times. Which doesn't surprise us in the least. That's just how James and I roll!

On my way home my family doctor called. He was more honest with me, which I love. He said it CAN be cancer, but we won't be totally sure until I see a breast specialist, which is scheduled for a week from today. It will likely need to come out, which could make for a rather pancakey shaped boob on the left side. I mean get real, removing something the size of an ostrich egg from a breast would pretty much leave...nothing. I couldn't tell you how I feel about this, other than I've always called my boobs "rocks in socks" because they hang so low, so maybe I'll end up getting perkies with insurance paying for it all! Always a silver lining, friends.

I'm scared. I have to be honest. I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to be sick. I don't want to have surgery. But I'm trusting and praying and leaning on supportive family and friends. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. Amen!

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Yep, it's us

Tonight it was our turn for bedtime on our own again (aka, no Heather). Declan did fine at first and after about 15 minutes the screaming began. I had him talk to Heather on the phone, but that didn't work either. The screaming lasted for (only) 30 minutes, so I'd say it's a real success. Here's to hoping we're on our way to scream-free bedtimes!

Pretty sure it's us (the parents)

So after the 2.5 hour screaming fit on Tuesday night we came to Wednesday. Declan woke up in a very good mood (normally he wakes up screaming, but Wed morning he did not) and we went about our day. Our friends came over for supper and Heather blessed me by giving all 3 of my little kids a bath and putting them to bed for me...have I mentioned I adore her? Well wouldn't you know it, she put Declan to bed, laid down the law (he was thinking of crying) and that boy didn't make a peep. No crying, no screaming, no chaos, just right to sleep and out for the night.

Guess what? The problem lies with Declan's parents. I think we knew that already, but it's always good to get reinforcement. LOL!

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

It's 10pm

and yes, he is still screaming.

Declan, sweet Declan

This boy. He can break my heart and piss me off in the same second...much like he's doing as I type. I am currently blogging so that I don't go in there and regret my actions later.

Apparently there's an issue with bedtime. The issue is that Declan does not want it to be bedtime. So he's taken to screaming for an hour or more each night at bedtime. I wouldn't mind so much, but the twins "sleep" directly next door to him while he shrieks out "mommmy!!!" "daddy!!!!" at the top of his lungs. How he can keep that up I simply do not know. There must be some sort of 3 year old code that allows him to perpetuate the unwanted behavior for hours at a time. Such pleasantries.

We moved Declan to a big boy bed in April. Things were actually going very well until about late May. By late May we had some issues with him coming out of his room at bedtime. We have the rule that you do not have to stay in bed, but you do have to stay in your room. To combat his coming out of his room we put a pressure mounted gate across the doorway to his room, but we ONLY put it up if we found him meandering around the house after bedtime. He KNEW it was coming and always ran directly back to his room...we just put the gate up without saying a word (we talked with him about it every night at bedtime). The gate ALWAYS caused a huge meltdown. I'm not talking just crying but full blown screaming in anger. He knew it was coming, but yet he flipped out every time. The screaming usually lasted over an hour.

Now he's taken to crying and screaming every single night after we leave the room. He has 2 nightlights, he often sleeps with the overhead light on (his choice, he gets up and turns it on), and we leave the door open. There is absolutely NOTHING that works to get him to stop screaming. We've tried the threat of the gate and then had to follow through with that (which is somewhat backwards and confusing to him, I would guess) ... you name it, we've tried it. He doesn't nap at all during the day. One day last week he DID nap and then the screaming lasted until 11pm. NO NAPS. He goes to bed around 7:30-8 (this is moved back from winter time, when they're all in bed around 7pm). When you ask him why he's crying he says it's because he doesn't want to go to bed. Fine, I get that, but quit the screaming!!! I cannot CANNOT get him to be quiet about it, and he sleeps right next to the twins, so I HATE how it all plays out.

I think it's a phase. I think he'll stop doing it in a few months. I think we need to NOT go in there AT ALL so he gets no reward for the behavior. Or do you have any other thoughts? We're an hour into the screaming at this point. All the other kids have been quiet for a solid 45 minutes. Declan, you challenge me.