And he's STILL sick.

He's still coughing to the point of throwing up. The worst part is that he doesn't know when it's coming. He's found if he doesn't have anything in his stomach it's better, but that's pretty much impossible to do round the clock.

He went through a lot of tests at the hospital on Friday. All signs point to asthma issues. We knew that he had issues as a little boy, but didn't seem to be too bothered by it now as an adult. Apparently this illness has sent him over the proverbial edge. It's just hard to know how long it's going to last. Very frustrating for all of us, especially James. It's sad when he starts coughing and your 5 year old daughter says, "It's ok everyone, he's just gonna throw up."

Some news (which, I realize, is worthless without pictures) - Avery had her first dance recital on Saturday and it was AHHHHHDORABLE! She did so well but it was a long night. She LOVED watching the older girls dance at rehearsal in the morning. She was fascinated and wanted to do what they were doing. It was called "Dance Before the Lord" and was done to Christian music, which was so nice.

Friday James had all this testing done and we had our septic tank pumped out. Holy disgusting. That reeks. Also on Friday the twins had their 6 month well child dr appointments. They are doing very well but they have what James has (horrid cough, poor things!) so they were too sick to get shots. Madelyn also had her 2nd ear infection. Both girls went on zithromax for their rough sounding chests - basically they have bronchitis. We'll go back late next week for shots if they're feeling better.

James is still so sick!

I can't believe this. His cough is AWFUL. I'm going to copy and paste something I shared on another board today:

He went to the dr Tuesday morning at my insistance. On Sunday night he coughed so long and hard that he actually blacked out. I called our family dr at home on Monday morning and he said for him to come in on Tues. They did chest x-rays and bloodwork and a bunch of stuff. He thought it could be asthma related and put him on another antibiotic, plus mega cough meds. Tuesday night he starts vomiting every time he coughs. Lovely.

Wednesday morning his sclera (white part of his eye) is blood red. He's burst all the blood vessels in his eye and it looks awful. He says his eye hurts SO bad. Still vomiting with every coughing fit. Absolutely no warning when the vomiting is coming either, which is pleasant.

Thursday (this) morning I made him call in again. They are referring him to our local ENT. Hopefully they can scope his throat. I really think he might have something lodged in his throat or somewhere before his tummy. Incidentally, the coughing started the day after we ate out at a chinese restaurant. While we were eating James thought he got a shrimp tail stuck in his throat (yes, he eats the ENTIRE shrimp, never met anyone who does that). I'm just starting to wonder if that isn't the issue...this is not improving. I can't believe all of this over a cough! But seriously, there's something else going on....I just wish we knew!!

A potty success!

Caden is home from school early due to teacher inservice or some other nonsense like that. Can you tell I'm not a fan of early outs? Anyway, he's been wearing underwear to school most every day and staying dry all day, but not having much success with actually PEEING at school. He has a strong bladder, that one! So today he's here and it's nap time (James is upstairs napping as well) and he started dancing around, so I opened the bathroom door for him. I helped him get his pants down and sat him up on the potty and he peed immediately! Granted, it was straight out and hit my jeans and shoes, but hey, I'll take it! Go Caden!

Holy $*&%!

That's what's in our basement. Only it ain't holy. It's backed up from the septic tank. And it's all over our basement. And there's a blizzard going on today. And James was home sick from work...only to work on the basement all afternoon. Annnnnd, it's still not fixed.

That's right. We have a sewer back up. No idea when it happened but James went downstairs (we NEVER go down there) to get a joystick thingy to play a computer game (he NEVER plays computer games) and came back up with bad news. So I started hauling stuff out and piling things in dry corners, which aren't many. Our basement has been a catch-all for junk over the years. It used to be our only storage before the addition, but since we've added on we've just kinda left the basement to rot. It ain't pretty down there, and now it's swimming with.....yeah.

Wondering what James is home sick with? So are we. He has a cough so bad that last night he actually fell over when he tried to stand up. He doesn't remember it. He blacked out because he can't breathe when he coughs. It's been going on for 3 weeks now and when he fell over I freaked out. I called our (awesome) family dr this morning at home and he said to have James come in in the morning to run further tests. I'm somewhat concerned about it, but we'll see.

We'll see, too, if he can even make it out our gravel road to get there at 8am. A blizzard hit this morning, taking everyone by surprise. School was delayed 2 hours, then started, only to let out an hour early. I had to take Ave to preschool and it.was.not.pretty. There was little to no visibility on our gravel road and I was scared at times! Made it home, only to deal with yucky basement.

So there you have it. We finally have power back which I am utterly thankful for. It's just one more thing I guess. And now...Madelyn is crying and it's 10pm. So rare. On we go!

Bloggin from the 'rents...

Someone really needs to tell my wonderful parents that their laptop BLOWS. I'm serious. I'm not entirely sure what's up with it but it has closed down internet explorer no less than 5 times i the short time I've been sitting here. Actually, perhaps it's an internet explorer thing. Imagine that!

So school was held today, even though most walkways were glare ice. They did a late start, and they added the wonderful clause that the buses would be on hard surfaces only. Sometimes, living on gravel is not cool. HOWEVER. I have to say that the director of the bus barn is AWESOME and told our bus driver our road was good enough to travel! (As an aside, the director is also Caden's 1:1 associate's husband, LOL!! It pays to have friends in high places!) The next however is that we were already making plans to go to my parents for the day so Caden got picked up here instead. Why, you ask? Well, because living on gravel is not cool, as I mentioned previously - we are without power. And that is not doable with 2 infants because yes, I am one of those mothers who microwaves her babies' bottles, even though it says not to. Oh well!

Yesterday was not a good day. I nearly lost it with all my kids. It was just too much. Do you ever have those moments where you swear your head might come disconnected from your body if one.more.thing rubs you the wrong way? And yes, I admit I was punchy, but wow. Caden peed on the carpet upstairs in at least 3 places that I could feel/smell. He had zero success on the potty while home all day but did pee all over. That was so frustrating. Then Declan. He's 2. And he whines a lot. I'm not sure how to punish whining other than to ignore, but my ears couldn't ignore it yesterday. And Avery...I mentioned she was up by 5am? That didn't work out so well for her. She was RUDE, she was disobedient, she had the audacity to narrow her eyes and glare at me when I told her no to something (wonder where she gets those over-the-top facial expressions from?????). The twins were good. They're honestly always good. Well, almost always. I add that only because I'm sure if I say always they'll go and prove me wrong and I'm just not in the mood for that.

And today I am not doing so well with weight watchers. I'm at my parents' all day and I don't want to count points. I just had 3 York peppermint patties with a Diet Sunkist chaser. But other than that I've been doing ok overall. This is tough stuff though people! I'm trying to undo 9 years of horrible eating habits, and old habits die hard.

ANOTHER "snow" day...

except this one's ice. Argh, I am so sick of this! I guess the plus side is that Caden can practice potty training here at home. We started our morning with him getting undies on, then promptly peeing all over his bedroom floor. I guess he had to pee! Oops.

Actually, the morning started at 5am with Avery jumping around and squealing in DECLAN'S crib. Yes, you read that right. We have told her she is NOT to come downstairs until she hears people awake or sees that it's light outside, but apparently that didn't matter. She said she wasn't tired anymore. Hel-lo, the rest of us are! So she woke both boys up and James had to referree and send her up to her room. That lasted until about 6:30 when she came and turned on our bedroom light overhead, thereby waking me and stirring the twins. I was about to get ticked but sent her out again...not sure what she did for the next 30 minutes but I really don't care. It's a no school day and you're up by 5am when you usually sleep until at least 7-7:30? NOT cool. Not quite sure how to handle this one....advice?

Caden is at school in big boy underwear!

We took a hiatus for a bit with everything happening with my family, but yesterday was a no-school day for him (WHY they didn't make up a snow day I have NO idea...) and I decided to try undies again. One thing is for sure - Caden can hold his pee for a VERY long time. A good thing, in my opinion - he has control over his bladder. But this also means he doesn't go on the potty very much. In fact, he didn't go at all yesterday. He had undies put on at 9am, stayed dry all day, even including a trip to take Avery to preschool, and I finally found him in the bathroom playing in the sink at 6:45...with pee allllllllll over the floor. At least he was in the right room!

I called his 1:1 associate and asked her what she thought. She was game! So off he went this morning in his Thomas undies. I texted her at noon and after a while she texted back - he was still dry AND he had peed in the potty!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Happy Birthday Dear Declan!!!!

Happy birthday to youuuuu! A sweet little boy turned TWO today! We didn't really do much, but I think the best part about the little ones is that they don't have a clue about it all, so you don't have to do much! We had a wonderful day as a family all together, so that is great. Happy birthday little man! Can't wait to see what your two year old year brings!

A big girl room...for three!

I had no idea today was going to be so productive! Heather knew. She's one of those amazing girls who gets an idea and then she doesn't just run with it, she sprints. She and her kids were over this morning while the guys were doing breakfast and guy stuff and, since we've talked about moving Avery into the upstairs bedroom for while now, she decided it was a good day. Before we knew it we had the guys stopping to pick up paint. Then Dan was slapping paint on the walls and in no time AT ALL the room was painted. Then the furniture went up there (it's not much) and oh my goodness, it's a room just for Avery Sue! We've had to play it up BIG to Avery - "you'll have your own bathroom, closet and bedroom! All for you!" - because this girl has some anxiety issues like you can't imagine. But honestly, she was excited about moving her stuff up there today. And tonight at bedtime she went right into her bed (she did change her mind and end up sleeping on the bottom bunk instead of the top), we all did Bible stories and bedtime prayers and she's tucked in. She even wanted the door "shut all the way". SNIFF!!! My big girl is such a big girl! She's not even on the same floor as us anymore. I think it's ME who wasn't ready for it!

So why the title, you ask? Why "for three"? Well, the goal is to move the twins out of our bedroom and into the room Avery occupied up until this afternoon. I can just picture two little cribs in there, two white rocking chairs, awwww! That isn't going to happen for a bit though, because Avery's previous room is part of the "old house" (it was our master bedroom, if you could call it that in the old house) and it needs some remodeling. First, the carpet is BEYOND nasty. Let me tell you a little story about it. One time when Montana (our nearly 10 year old black lab) was just a puppy we were at my parents' house and she got into the grease cup under their grill. She ate the whole thing...well not the cup because it was a tin can, but you get the gist. When we got home, she THREW UP all over the carpet in that bedroom and it was tarry black. UGH! I have NEVER been able to get it out of the carpet. We thought we found the magic solution this past fall when we mixed up some oxiclean and water in a spray bottle...but overnight that just bleached out parts of the stain to a clean color and left the rest disgusting. The carpet's gotta go.

Underneath the carpet is some nice hardwood flooring, but it'd take a heckuvalotta work to get it nice. So I think we're going to pull up the carpet and paint the floor with porch enamel and then use a couple of big shag rugs. But that's not all. We also need to widen the closet door to accommodate bifold closet doors (twins need double the cute Gymboree, you know), add a linen closet off that bedroom and change the doorway/opening into the hallway. Plus it has never had an actual DOOR so we'd like to add that as well. James is SO not looking forward to more projects, but Dan and Heather are all about it. I think James is just done with remodeling. Problem is, I am not. So remodeling, here we come again!

Offie!! Offie!!

This is Declan's shout out for everything that mommy drinks. Can you tell she likes coffee?? Well, she used to drink a lot of "coffee", but the problem with mommy's coffee was that it had tons of french vanilla creamer in it. That's no longer so weight watcher friendly, so I don't have much of it anymore. But I do drink a lot of pop (diet), and Declan still calls it "offie". Oh, and he adds a whiiiine and he hopes that he can run off with it. Nice try, buster.

I can't believe it but he is going to be two this Sunday. Where has the time gone? Add to that the fact that the twins are already 6 months old and I think we're officially crazy here.

We fed the twins cereal last night. Macey went first and she no likey. Not at all. She didn't even try, just made horrid faces. Madelyn went next and she was good with it, even trying to "chew" a couple of times! We did get some video and pictures. (I bet you're sick of me saying that when I never actually post any pictures. I wish I could be better about that but mostly I blog from the laptop downstairs and all the pictures have to be uploaded upstairs....aaaaaaaaaand I'm lazy, so you just don't get to see pictures. If there were an easier way around that (like does anyone know - can I just hook up a cord from my camera to the laptop and haul them onto here from there??) I would post pictures more. )And in case you're wondering, the only reason we fed them cereal was that they are waking up in the middle of the night again and we just switched to 8oz. bottles, so we figured they were hungry. Last night they were still up in the middle of the night, but the amount of cereal they actually got in was little (Madelyn) to none (Macey). Otherwise, no way would I have started them on cereal yet. It goes back to that lazy thing. Plus once you start, you can't really quit. Which again, goes back to that lazy thing.

But before I force you to believe that I am THAT lazy, I did do the 30 Day Shred again last night! Heather came over and we did it! I think we both nearly planned each others' funerals but we worked it out! Avery exercised with us, too, and she quit more often than me. Hey, I have more endurance than a 5 year old!!! Wait. Should I be proud of that??

The Biggest Loser?

So I watched that show for the first time ever last night. Very inspirational, and a whole lot more fun to watch than the Bachelor where you end up feeling fat, ugly and undesireable. Yeah, with Biggest Loser you realize you AREN'T the fattest person alive and that's a rather nice feeling!

Today I drank a whole liter of water. If you know me you know I dislike water GREATLY. (I won't use the word "hate" because my grandma Marie told me I could never use that word unless I was talking about the devil, point stuck great lady!) But I drank the whole thing and have been in the bathroom often. It wasn't terrible, either! I might learn to like it. And I can't even tell you the last time I had a regular Mt. Dew. It's been THAT long. YAY!

Ok but back to The Biggest Loser. I ordered Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred DVD from amazon the other day. If you know about Biggest Loser you know that Jillian is the super tough personal trainer. She works people HARD. I heard good things about this DVD so I ordered it and for once I was unhappy with amazon's shipping. It came too dang fast. Tonight after a horrible day including yelling at all 3 of my older children, I succumbed to the pressure and had THREE scoops of chocolate ice cream...regular. Holy lord. (I blame a lot of it on James and the fact that he had to be at church, thus forcing me to do bedtime all alone. I blame a lot of stuff on other people...it just feels better.) I refuse to count the points in that, but after calling a good friend whose name rhymes with feather I realized I need to pony up to the fact that I use food for EVERYTHING - company, stress relief, enjoyment, reward, you name it. She encouraged me to bust out that DVD and hit it. So I did.

Is it normal to feel as if you've lost all control of your limbs? I think I'm made entirely out of spaghetti. And to make matters worse, I wasn't even able to do a lot of it, I just stood there, huffing and puffing and watching Jillian and her chicks do it (they look GOOD, by the way). After I was done I took a shower but resolved that for 30 days (hence the name of the dvd) I was going to do my absolute best to do it every day. I'm not sure how I'll feel in the morning. I have a good feeling I'll be having dreams about Mack trucks driving straight into me, but for now I'm glad I did it and it just proves that you're never too out of shape or too big to start getting healthy. I truly feel like if I can do it, ANYONE can do it.

Another small tidbit of information...my dad will be home tomorrow. Please pray for a welcoming community (church and otherwise) and for lots of healing for our family. God is good, all the time; all the time, God is good!

Ultimate baby book!

I've always said blogging is an excellent way to keep record of your kids' milestones. Problem is, you have to weed through all of it to find what you're looking for. Oh well, some day I'll have all kinds of time and just want to pour over all my ramblings and find the tidbits of information. Right? Mmmm hmmm.

Ok. So. Declan has been screaming at bedtime for about 5 nights now. Heather suggested ear infection, I hadn't really considered it. Honestly, I have been scolding him for screaming and not going to sleep - I thought he was being naughty. Bad mommy! He's actually got an ear infection! 10 mommy points to Heather. He's now had his first dose of Zithromax (love that drug) and is drugged with motrin...and went off to sleep without tears. Sleep well sweet man. On Sunday you will enter the world of TWOs!!

Macey and Madelyn are getting so cute. Macey is the smiley one. She is the squealer and the talker and the SMILER! She will hone in on you and just beam. It's so endearing. She is a very sweet little girl with a softer, less forceful cry than Madelyn. She's happy to be Macey and is getting quite good at grabbing toys to bring them to her mouth.

Madelyn is more serious. She can get good and mad, and cries quite loudly and forceably. We have this little song, "The mad in Madelyn stands for mad, it really, really stands for madddd!" It's true. Madelyn will smile (with that same, precious dimple in the left corner of her mouth) but you've gotta work for it. Madelyn has huge, doe eyes, and she will lock eyes with you in a way that melts you.

On to the milestones. And this is where twins amaze me. Macey rolled over (back to front) this morning around 10am. She rolled to her left...incidentally she also sucks her left 2 fingers. I was gone taking Declan to the dr for his ear infection after this, and James told me that Madelyn rolled over (back to front) within hours after Macey! Madelyn rolled to her right...incidentally she also sucks her RIGHT two fingers. Fascinating! They did the exact same thing, opposite directions, within just hours of one another, in birth order - Macey first, Madelyn second. I guess what's so interesting to me is that Macey has appeared ready to roll for weeks now and Madelyn hasn't shown ANY signs of readiness until earlier this morning. I guess that's the ultimate case of peer pressure. Or what would that be...wombmate pressure??

(And as an aside, yes, I grilled James to make sure he told me the right baby rolled while I was gone. He announced that Madelyn had rolled over and I hautily assured him that it had to have been Macey. Then he told me which side of the playyard the said baby was on. *I* was wrong. It has to happen once per year. I guess I got it in early this year.)

3.8 pounds lost!

I'm actually disappointed with this, but I think I have been setting unrealistic expectations for myself honestly. I did lose 3.8 pounds and I should be proud of that, right? It just seems like the whole goal is SO far away if I only am losing 3.8 pounds at a time.

I'm going to resolve to be happy about this, and see how much better I'm already doing.

But to say that I've been stressed lately is an understatement. I've got family stuff going on, I'm trying to cut back on my biggest comfort (food) and there are always diapers to change and bottles to make. I'm feeling stressed. I try to hold it together but last night poor James had me sobbing in bed over just feeling ugly and overwhelmed. Today I feel better, thanks to a visit from Heather, plus this afternoon is my time out without kids and then I get to have dinner with James! I love Tuesdays!

First weigh in tonight!

I can't believe I have been at this for a week now! It's really an easy program to follow and you don't need an incredible amount of willpower to do it, either. I like that you can have what you want, you just have to realize that McDonald's for breakfast means you're not having much the rest of the day. THAT'S where I used to falter. I'd have McD's for breakfast, then junk for lunch and go out to eat at night without thinking about calories...and then I'd have 5-6 Mountain Dews throughout the day as well. Enough of that! It's time to take care of me, and I'm glad to be doing so. I was very encouraged by what I saw on the scale this morning, but I'm sure it will be higher tonight at Weight Watchers because I have to wear a lot more clothes there. Sorry, TMI. I'll update when I have an update!

Caden is sick.

Here I was, getting all excited that Caden and Avery were going to be able to go to Children's Worship at church tomorrow, and as of this evening Caden has thrown up and is not acting himself at. all. We spent the evening at my mom's tonight, the guys tackling some household projects and the gals ordering and baking pizzas and Caden acted ok during that, though he didn't eat much. He actually threw up before we even left for mom's - it was funny and sad all at the same time...he had thrown up upstairs in his jumper/spinner and we were all downstairs. He was calling for us from time to time but nothing out of the ordinary. James finally went up to get him and said, "Ohhh, poor bub!!" Yep, apples got chucked. And tonight for bedtime Caden just went right into his crib (yes still at 7 years old - it works for me!) and laid down, ready to be covered up. Poor bub indeed!

In other Caden news, we finally FINALLY got his IQ evaluation back and I wish they would have just kept it. We need to know in order to keep him on the waiver program in Iowa, but sheesh, totally depressing. They labeled him as having "severe mental retardation" and mentioned several times that he scored "extremely low". Ok so maybe testing isn't his strong suit, but he's not what I would consider "severe". Maybe I'm just in denial. Maybe the test just sucks. Maybe both, but it wasn't fun to read that. I had to put it away so I can look at it later.

Yesterday I failed to mention that the twins turned 6 months! It's true. And they are looking more alike every day. I still believe they might be mirror image twins as Macey sucks her left 2 fingers and Madelyn her right 2 fingers, but I'm finding if that's the only proof I have then it might not really hold water. Time will tell I suppose. In terms of development they are right on with our other kids - totally gross motor delayed! Neither one has rolled over yet (though Macey is close) and they are nowhere near sitting up on their own. Declan first rolled over on June 27 (I remember this ONLY because it's our anniversary and my mom and dad had him overnight and he did it for them first, of course!) so he was just over 5 months and we thought he was the BIGGEST lazybones in the world. Apparently M&M want to prove us wrong!

More snow days - 5 now.

I think we'll be seeing school well into June. I guess I don't really mind if I'm being perfectly honest, because during the summer I have 5 kids here with me! I will be recruiting our sweet neighbor girl K to help out I think. She is SO good with my kids and a big help to me as well! Yesterday she took Caden and Avery to her house and they played for hours. It was so nice to just let Declan and the twins nap quietly - not to mention I just lazed around and did nothing! She called again to ask to come and get them at 1pm for the afternoon since there's no school. Um, let me think about that...sure!!!! She's a great kid with a true heart for other kids.

Nothing much planned for the weekend that I can think of. What are you doing? Anything exciting? I think Dan and Heather will be out here for sure as we've had some withdrawal from them. Other than that we'll be sure mom can spend some time with her grandkiddies. Children's Worship starts back up at church on Sunday so maybe we can actually go and ENJOY the service!

Today was a success!

I'm feeling so good about today and weight watchers. I met my points and I even had the same things at dinner that my family had - just 1/3c. mashed potatoes instead of my usual, oh, I dunno, 2 cups?? God bless a midwest girl, but those mashers are hard to pass up!

Right now I'm enjoying one of my favorite treats (thank you mama for showing me how to make them!) - vanilla iced coffee. I swapped out my usual full calorie creamer for a sugar free and added 0 calorie sweet n low sweetener - and I love it! I won't talk in all the "points" terms to you, as if you're not following the WW program it won't make sense, but it's low in points (a good thing) and still really tasty.

Oh speaking of the points thing, I felt like a total dumb-head this afternoon. Another family in Avery's preschool class picks her up from preschool and brings her home on Monday and Wednesday. They are so sweet and it's usually the dad who brings her home. Today I am so wrapped up in the counting points thing that I said something about, "It's like a heat wave today with 19 points!" He must have thought I was off my ever-lovin' rocker.

Weight Watchers?

Yeah, I'm a weight watcher. I've watched it go up steadily for years. Truth is, I haven't cared much about my weight and the excess thereof. I love eating and have used it as reward for years.

Last night I joined Weight Watchers with my BFF Heather and my mom. It wasn't my idea, it was Heather's. But you know what? I'm glad she placed it on my heart. I think I'm ready. I say I THINK I'm ready because it's true - giving up food and its hold on my life is going to be very, very hard. But I've started wearing maternity tops (and sometimes even pants) because nothing else fits anymore. I've started hiding food and lying about how much I eat to James and other people. I've slowly come to the realization that something's gotta give.

About 6 weeks after the twins were born I was down to a low weight (for me, mind you, you'd probably fall over in dread) and was really surprised at how easy it had come off. I wasn't thinking that it was because I had NO TIME TO EAT that I was losing weight. But then I went right back to not paying attention again. I went right back to eating because food was there, not eating because our bodies need food for fuel. Since that time (that was only about 4.5 months ago) I've put on nearly 30 pounds. If I don't wake up soon I am going to be 350 pounds and not physically able to care for my children. Something's gotta give.

So I put this out there to keep me accountable. I've already screwed up today but I've got a *little* stress in my life right now and don't expect perfection from myself. It's day one of the rest of my life and I'll be danged if you tell me I won't ever have ice cream again. All things in moderation. I can live in this seemingly perfect little town and not have a perfect little body, but I can be perfectly content knowing that I am finally doing something that's good for ME!

Lyrics to Kutless' "What Faith Can Do"

I have loved this song for month now. I just heard it today on the way to bring Avery to preschool and it went straight to my heart. Search it out online and listen if you can. I love this song. Time to track down the CD...

WHAT FAITH CAN DO

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Interesting thing about "missing" someone.

We take people forgranted. We take relationships forgranted. We do. It's just how we're made. We don't wake up each day and think - how can I let everyone I love know exactly just how much I love them today? We might do that for a few days after a crisis situation, but then we revert back to our old ways of thinking mostly about ourselves. I'm not sure why we do this but I know it's true.

I miss my dad. I saw him on Christmas Day which was just over a week ago. And it isn't uncommon that I might not see him for several weeks, even though we lived within mere miles of each other. But now, I've taken him forgranted and he's gone...and I miss him. And you know what's hard about this? He chose to leave, he didn't die where he had no choice in the matter. No, he chose to go, and while I know THIS IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME, I can't help but feel a bit slighted that me and my kids weren't enough to stay for. Yep, there. I said it. I'm feeling that way.

We've been communicating via email. I'm so thankful that he wants to retain communication with us, and it's been good to find out a bit more about where he is and those kinds of things.

And still...I miss him. I miss how flippin' hilarious he is. I miss how he can make me laugh like no other. I miss the fact that he loved my kids like only a few other people (their grandparents) can. While I want him to be home, I don't want him to short circuit his healing process and the healing that needs to happen here at home in order for him to return.

Have you ever felt like your family has got to be the most messed up family there ever was? And yet here's the truth about it - how many of us have "normal" families? How ironic that I chose this name for my blog a few years back. Yes, this IS our normal. And you know what? I love our normal! I think it's far too easy a mentality to believe that perfection is what you need to reach for in terms of relationships and families. We live in a little "perfect" town in Iowa that is in desperate need of a reality check. Life here isn't perfect, yet so many people spend so many of their waking hours trying to make a perfect little life with perfect little kids and perfect families and perfect houses....the list goes on. How I long for a time when we can be real with each other! When we can sit down and say, "Hey, my poop stinks! I'm not ashamed to admit it! And hey, sometimes I feed my kids 100% sugar AS A MEAL! It's fun!" I'm praying we can all strive for the acceptance of imperfection. Because I believe it is when we find out we're imperfect that we're the most perfect there is - in complete agreement with God about our shortcomings and ready for Him to fill our void.

Couldn't blog last night...

way too tired. I went to bed before 8pm, got a phone call that lasted for a while from Chris, but then fell asleep pretty easily after that. James has been wonderful in taking care of the babies so that I can get some good sleep. They've been doing really well, too - most mornings they are making it until 7am, which is nearly 12 solid hours of sleep. We'll take it!

Yeah yesterday we went to Des Moines, went to IHOP and then to get the car from the airport. Mom and I took it to Target and had a little bit of fun shopping, but honestly she's really upset and it's hard for her to have much fun. Too bad, too, because the Christmas stuff was clearanced to 75% off and I want to spend!

Today I'm blogging from your house again. It's NEGATIVE 14 degrees here right now so we thought it best that the little ones stay home with James and get some normalcy, but I did bring Avery with me and we're going to tackle taking down the tree and that kind of stuff today. It's too difficult for Caden to be here - for him and for mom. He knows you went on an airplane and constantly says "papa, DOWN! papa, down!" and he's relentless when mom is on the telephone (which is forever, as you might assume) that he talk to you. He doesn't understand but can't quit asking for/about you. Terribly hard on mom's heart.

Chris and Cathy just arrived. Time to get some stuff done. Praying for you always dad.