Tuesday, January 01, 2013

So it's 2013.  I know, thank you, Captain Obvious.  But I'm just feeling GOOD about this year.  So many people make New Year's Resolutions.  I never really have.  I always SAID it was because of one thing or another, but the truth remains this:  I never made them because I was terrified of failing.  And now, I'm on the other side of a typical NYResolution fail - I lost almost 80 pounds and gained over 60 back.  Truth be told, that sucks, it really does, but that doesn't change who I am.  It doesn't change my personality or the fact that I could have the a$$ of a $40 mule and my kids would still adore me.  It truly doesn't change ANYTHING (ok let's be honest, it does change what size clothing I wear and it changes some things obvious only to me in private moments, but I really can't type that out...). 

I'm going to be honest here.  This is going to be my "safe place" and I really don't care who reads it.  To me, weight is just a number.  To some it's a private word only to be shared with your doctor...and then only because s/he already saw it on the scale.  But weight is a marker of where you've allowed yourself to go.  You don't get fat from simply not exercising...you get fat from eating too much food.  I have spent a lot of time eating too much food.  I use food for comfort and the past 8 months have been torture in some emotional ways.  I turned to food.

I am going to start learning some coping mechanisms that don't involve food.  I am going to start being positive, even when I screw up.  I am going to be proud of every stage my body is in.  If I give the stages my kids are in my full embrace, of course I should do the same for me!

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