Madelyn, while walking up the stairs today, hanging on to the rail but NOT demanding to also hold mommy's hand, said:

"Mommy, I good job-in'!"

Yes, yes you are, little one.  *loveher*

In some more honest news...I totally blew it tonight.  Totally, utterly and completely.

I only had about 300 calories remaining before supper.  I blame the dear, sweet friend who brought me a homemade cinnamon roll today.  (No, I LOVE her for it.)  But I really didn't pay attention to that mere 300 calories and had pizza, plus Smores dessert pizza PLUS a regular Smore over the fireplace with my sweetie.  Oh yeah.  BLEW IT. 

It's one meal.  And deep down, I knew I was going to do it.  Now the trick is...don't do it again tomorrow.  Don't let one slip up become a landslide.

This, I can do.

Yesterday's starting weight was not pretty.  Not at all.  When I FIRST started my weight loss journey 3 years ago I was 267.  I was just 9 pounds under that yesterday, which means the 70+ I had lost had turned into 9.  NINE.  So sad. 

But.  There's nowhere to go but back down.  And that's where I'm heading.

This morning I was down 1.6 pounds from yesterday.  So in one day (plus 3 years, shhhh) I have now lost 10 pounds!  Woo hoo!

And I actually exercised yesterday.  Granted, it was 20 minutes of walking at only 2.5 (a few minutes at 3.0) and I was winded and sweating.  But again.  There's nowhere to go but healthier from here. 

Some observations about my weight/size/health:
a) I am not able to go up a flight of stairs without breathing harder.
b) Carrying a twin (30ish pounds) up the same flight of stairs nearly makes me have to stop to collect my breath.
c) I have quite a few aches and pains in my joints.
d) It is difficult for me to bend over for the time it takes to help one of my kids get dressed or put shoes on.
e) I try to avoid squatting to help someone with shoes because I just about can't get up from that position.
f) I have a difficult time putting on socks and shoes (the bending over/forward part).

So there's some honesty for you.  My hope is that, along with weight loss, all of these items will be things I have no problems with in a matter of a few months.

So it's 2013.  I know, thank you, Captain Obvious.  But I'm just feeling GOOD about this year.  So many people make New Year's Resolutions.  I never really have.  I always SAID it was because of one thing or another, but the truth remains this:  I never made them because I was terrified of failing.  And now, I'm on the other side of a typical NYResolution fail - I lost almost 80 pounds and gained over 60 back.  Truth be told, that sucks, it really does, but that doesn't change who I am.  It doesn't change my personality or the fact that I could have the a$$ of a $40 mule and my kids would still adore me.  It truly doesn't change ANYTHING (ok let's be honest, it does change what size clothing I wear and it changes some things obvious only to me in private moments, but I really can't type that out...). 

I'm going to be honest here.  This is going to be my "safe place" and I really don't care who reads it.  To me, weight is just a number.  To some it's a private word only to be shared with your doctor...and then only because s/he already saw it on the scale.  But weight is a marker of where you've allowed yourself to go.  You don't get fat from simply not exercising...you get fat from eating too much food.  I have spent a lot of time eating too much food.  I use food for comfort and the past 8 months have been torture in some emotional ways.  I turned to food.

I am going to start learning some coping mechanisms that don't involve food.  I am going to start being positive, even when I screw up.  I am going to be proud of every stage my body is in.  If I give the stages my kids are in my full embrace, of course I should do the same for me!