Thursday, August 07, 2008

In a better mood now...

it's amazing what a little Dairy Queen will do for ya! I deleted an entire post here and no, you will not see it again. It was whiney and annoying, and it didn't need to be here. AND, it was also full of incorrect information (I love you Heather, but what are you smoking??).

Tonight was school registration for Caden. I went, paid a lot of money and now he's all signed up to go!

I am going to post an email that I just sent off to the RTS email list (all parents and family members of individuals with Caden's same syndrome) about how I am feeling on K. Please add your thoughts. I am really really struggling. The email is as follows:

I never thought this would be so hard. Caden has been going to ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education) at our local school for 3 years now. I have sent him off on the bus with a kiss and a wave and off he goes. He loves it. I loved it. Win, win.

But now this little man is entering Kindergarten. Never mind the fact that he looks at acts like a 2 year old. Never mind the fact that he is nowhere NEAR a 5 year old's capabilites. Just send him, right? Other parents do it all the time. He'll be fine.

I can say that to myself. I can post cute little inspirational sayings on my mirror and force myself to repeat them 100 times a day but it boils down to this - I'm scared (of what, I don't know for sure), I'm sad and I just don't want August 21 to come. I think part of it is the all day, every day thing. I mean, holy smack, that is going to be exhausting for him.

I'm at a loss. I really am. I am mustering all the courage I can and talking with him about it and I can tell he's getting excited about it, but I just want to keep this precious babe home with me for the rest of forever (and yes, I have thought about homeschooling him but it's simply not an option for many reasons). I love my other kids, don't get me wrong. But there is something passionate and fierce in the way I love my Caden. I can't explain it other than to say it feels like a piece of me is leaving home to go off to big school, and I am not taking it well. I want ALL OF ME at home.

Does this resonate with anyone else? How did you cope? I'm positive it will get easier as time marches on, but this waiting game is torturous.


Cindy said...

I'm glad you're feeling cream solves most of my problems too!

I'm nervous about Natalie going to preschool after she turns 3. But I'm less nervous since I realized she doesn't have to go every day...we can start at 2 or 3 days a week and work our way up. I don't know if you can do the same with Caden's K class...

But if not, it always helps me to remind myself that Natalie will love it. I'm sure Caden will love his new class, and you'll revel in the new, grown-up Caden you'll see after a few weeks of big-boy school.

Mark and Valerie Brandt said...

I agree with Cindy. i think you will find yourself with a whole new Caden after it all settles down and settles in! And, you will be able to help others who are feeling the same way you are right now. Praying for you.

Terri H-E said...

Girl, I can say in all honesty that I empathize with you. I can hear the clock ticking louder than ever. But I try to see the "beginning" in it, rather than the "ending" in it. And it'll broaden my involvement/relationship with my girl when we can 'talk' about her life outside of the one we share. I think of the potential for pride for her, and I feel a little better. Hang in there, we'll be leaning on each other these weeks!