Sunday, July 15, 2012

I think I need to write.

I think I might explode if I don't write.  But I'm not even sure where to begin.  I've never felt more lost in my entire life.  I've never faked it quite so hard.  I've never woken up, day after day, begging God to make things different.  And as soon as I utter that prayer I realize I don't dare ask that of God anymore.  He seems to believe my shoulders are quite vast, and I feel my shoulders are narrowing by the day.  Things keep popping up - right now, serious concerns about Macey and Madelyn's health - in the middle of my stress.  Things that I don't think I can handle right now.  I can't believe God would give me "one more thing" and then...He does.  I don't even know who I am or what I'm supposed to be or do.  I only know that 5 little, precious souls need me to be their rock, and I'm trying.  I can do anything for them. 


momkris said...

Tena-I am praying for you & your family! I wish I lived closer so I could help out & just to give you a big hug. Praying the Lord will carry you through this difficult time & the twins will be healed.
Hugs-Kris (mom to Brianna-RTS)

MusicalMom said...

I'm praying for you and your family, and I put your family on a prayer roll this morning. HUGS!!! You are destined for greatness.

Alyssa Gaskill said...

{{{{BIG HUGS!!!!}}}
I wish I could make things better. I would. I don't understand this either and I know the last thing you want to hear right now is "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle" You are one STRONG Family. Maybe you are a little bit of Job right now. Push through this, YOU CAN DO IT!!!! and let me know PLEASE if I can do anything. Anything at all. Even if you need one more ear to chat too. I'm here.

Nicky said...

You are amazing Tena. The fact that you still have the strength and determination to fake being okay for the sake of your kids, when most of us would have crumbled and collapsed under such devastating circumstances, shows just how selfless and devoted a mother you are. Will pray for your continued strength and unshaken faith and healing for you and your family. Just stay focused on the lifter of your head...with much love and heaps of hugs from Smurfville