Today is...

my baby girls' 5th birthday.  How can my BABIES be FIVE???  It chokes me up.  We never had more than 3.5 years between any of our kids.  And now...the littles are 5.  I just can't really comprehend it. 

Today is also the 2 year anniversary of our house fire.  Yes, it HAD TO happen on the same day.  I hate that, but hey, at least it's easy to remember.  No, I really don't want to joke about it and make light of it.  IT SUCKS that it happened on the same day.  I said I wasn't going to think about it much today, but I truly can't help it.  Right now, 2:15 is the exact time I made the 911 call to tell them our home was on fire and was going to be fully engulfed at any time.  Avery and Declan screamed in the back seat.  Their worst fear, playing out in front of their very eyes.  I just felt so helpless.  No one could help.  Not in the way I needed them to.  I needed a complete fix.

And so it is with my twins.  Each year of their life they get closer to the day when they can no longer take that flight of stairs, can no longer walk "that far", can no longer move without pain.  I need a complete fix.  No one can help.  I feel very helpless.  I love seeing them grow in knowledge and understanding, but with agony I realize that growth means they are hurdling toward the days of wheelchairs and accessible vans.  Right now they are carefree and full of life.  They love life, they love to run and play and jump HIGH!  I want that for them forever.  I'm honestly not dwelling on it, but I would be lying if I didn't say each birthday for them is somewhat bittersweet.  I know moms say they want their kids to stay little forever.  I really REALLY mean it for my girls.

But God has other plans.  God sees the future and, thankfully, I cannot.  I won't dwell.  I will write this out, close the computer and go play with the new five-year-olds.  I will take them to Applebee's tonight and pick up their monkey cake from Dairy Queen and give them pieces big enough to make their eyes sparkle with excitement.  I will kiss them and love them and promise my love for all of my years.  Thankfully, with each passing year, God also grows my heart just a little bigger so I can pour out more of Him into each of them.