Friday, August 20, 2010

A first - with a 2nd

Think it doesn't make sense? I'd have to agree with you. I'm struggling with something...I'm struggling with sending my 2nd-born to Kindergarten. It's sort of like she's my first to go. I'm having a very hard time letting her go.

I remember it was difficult to send Caden, but Caden had been attending some sort of schooling since he was 2. I knew school would be good for Caden. I knew he would make great strides there and learn things that I didn't have the skills (or the patience, if I'm being perfectly honest) to teach him. I was ok with sending him off....yes, even though he wasn't speaking and couldn't come home and tell me all about his day, I felt confident that he was "ready". As ready as he could be at his developmental level. (And today we met his 1st grade *sniffle* teacher - she is fabulous and he is going to have a great year!!)

And then there's Avery. Maybe it's the girl thing. Maybe it's the fact that she's my little mini-me. She's my sidekick, my big helper, my incessant chatterbox. Avery is so excited about Kindergarten. She got the teacher she wanted (and she'll tell you this). We went tonight and had a whole scavenger hunt to find the different things in her classroom, to meet her teacher and to bring her classroom supplies. She LOVED it. (I was even a suck-up and had her bring a decorated apple cookie for her teacher. I know, throw rotten tomatoes.) But the whole time I could not be excited for her. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea that she is going to be gone from home 3 days a week, moving to 5 full days a week by the end of the school year. I could cry about it so easily and if you know me you know I am NOT a cry-er. Avery is going to ride the big yellow bus to and from school. I have set up a set of identical twin 5th graders on her bus route to help her get to class, so she's covered there. I just can't help it - I feel like she is not ready and won't be able to handle it and cannot possibly be apart from her momma.

Perhaps this is one of the greatest downfalls of being a stay at home mom. Perhaps it's just me. Either way, I think Monday is going to be harder on Tena than on Avery. Yes, I am looking forward to having "just" 3 kids here at home during the day, but no one can talk to me or argue with me (efficiently, that is - Declan sure tries but his vocabulary consists of "noo!" "mine!") or otherwise bug the tar out of me at every turn. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I'm positive it's going to be ok but my heart feels heavy at the same time. I'll miss her! She's growing up...right before my very eyes and quite literally without my permission. Bittersweet.


Bev Roozeboom said...

Okay, so now you've got ME crying! I remember those days like yesterday. Such mixed emotions. Kindergarten is a HUGE step away from home and you're feeling the sadness of that change. It's hard on mom heart when they're anxious and upset about going and it's hard when they're excited and joyful about going! A mom's heart learns early the pain of letting go while still holding on.

I'll pray that both you and Avery have a wonderful school year!

Shrinking Mommy said...

I am so there with you Tena! I think about sending my little lady to school and she is only going to preschool (can you imagine what it will be like next year)! Avery will do great and so will you!

Kristi said...

Tena, I feel the same way when Noah is at school. I feel empty. She will do great. Hugs.