Happy 5 weeks Macey and Madelyn!

I just hopped on here to update quick and of course one of the girls has started screaming....more later.

Yesterday morning I woke up and guess what was back? The PUPPS rash of pregnancy. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was on my face and through the day it started spreading, so I called and yes, it can come back and yes, he would give me steroids. I started those already and my face is slightly better this morning but now it has spread to my ear and fingers. I HATED this rash with the twins and never thought it would come back after pregnancy, but here it is. I look just lovely, ugh. Plus it's really itchy and it's just making me grumpy.

In other news, the girls are 5 weeks today. I can hardly believe it but a calendar never lies (unless you're really sleep deprived or you're 4 years old and insist you're always right). I'm not certain if they adjust age for being born at 37 weeks but when you think that they should only be 2 weeks after their due date they are doing so so so so so well. No smiles as of yet but they are starting to really lock eyes with you when you hold them and it looks like they are SO close to smiling! They have different personalities, but neither one is SUPER strong in one direction. I would have been able to tell you in utero and it's holding true now - Macey (baby A) is more laid back and easy going (cries softer, cries less) and Madelyn (baby B, the one hogging all the room always) is more demanding (cries louder, more often, needs to be held). They both have amazing head control. Madelyn really likes to be held under her armpits, looking into your eyes and just hang down, sometimes not even resting in you in any way, just hanging loose. I tried Macey in the sling last night and that was a BIG hit! She came outside with me and James while we cleaned up toys out there and just looked around, loved it. Madelyn was wide awake on the changing table that whole time (it has sides all around it and they love to lay there and look at our ceiling fan). Sleeping is going very well. They go down for the night around 10pm and normally don't wake until 4am, so 6 hours. Then they eat quickly (we actually prop their bottles and go back to bed and rest/sleep...when they're done they spit them out! Easy peasy!) and we're all back asleep for another 3 hours or so. At this point they are regularly taking 3oz bottles and sometimes moving toward 4oz, just depending. We haven't done a super great job of working to schedule them together but they are somewhat doing it on their own. Daytime isn't as scheduled but I am certainly not a scheduled person so we're all doing just fine with that. I don't know what they weigh but preemie clothes are still fitting them just fine.

So that is that! My FIL is here this week working to finish up our front porch which will be wonderful to have done before the open house. I worked like mad yesterday with the help of Grandma Jean (our respite provider for Caden) to clean this place and am happy with the work I got done. I have to be ok with the fact it's not going to be perfect, but I doubt ANYONE expects this place to be perfect with our family dynamics, right??

Totally fun weekend!

James and I have had a blast this weekend, and truly we haven't done much of anything! We have finally found a couple friendship and we are all smitten, LOL! Heather and I have known of each other for years, but it wasn't until Facebook brought us back together that we really started talking about one year ago. That was surfacy until early this past winter when we actually started hanging out some. And truly, the rest is history. We call, we text, we shop, we eat, we hang, we watch kids, we are sisters by heart, best friends by choice. And then we realized that our husbands are a LOT alike. So we hung out as the 4 of us a few times. And our husbands hit it off! So this weekend, we have been together a ridiculous amount of time and it just makes our days go by so fast with newborn twins. I was very concerned about being "stuck at home" with no one to talk to and all of that, but having a true best friend and just being so comfortable with another young family is truly an amazing gift from God. I have never had a super close friend as a married mom and I never realized what I was missing out on! And we never had couple friends save for our sibs and their spouses...I don't mean to go on and on but truly, my heart is lighter, my days are shorter, the sun shines brighter and I feel so blessed that I just have to share it. And the icing? Dan and Heather have a 5 year old with special needs. You know you "click" when you have that commonality.

And again, my parents took the twins overnight on Friday night for us! It is always a huge gift to us to have that continuous sleep. They went down for the night around 10 and woke up just after 3am, then they were pretty restless for the rest of the early morning for them. I know it wasn't a wonderful night of sleep for you guys but THANK YOU from the bottoms of our hearts for that!

Last night the twins FINALLY got it together. And for those of you insinuating that I am complaining about their sleep, I am NOT, I am simply trying to keep a running tab on how they were sleeping at each time in their life. That kind of stuff intruiges me and I didn't keep a record with any other child. I want to with them! Last night they slept from 10pm-5am straight, BOTH of them!! That's 7 hours. We were so impressed at how smart they obviously are, LOL!

This week we'll be gearing up for an Open House we're having out here on Saturday. If you think I'm insane for having an Open House with 5 week old twins and 4 other kids you're somewhat correct, but we wanted a way for people to come meet the twins (we haven't made it to church yet, imagine that?) and to see our house in its (mostly) finished state. Over 4 years ago we started a rennovation project to our existing tiny house and now it is quite a big house that we are proud of and have done a lot of work to - with the help of MANY dedicated family members (mainly my FIL) and friends. So now, we want to let people see the house and snuggle a baby or two. Oh, and friends from church are doing all the food for it so again, I'm not entirely off my rocker! You are all SO welcome to come, and how I wish I could gather everyone who reads together to have a chat fest. But seriously, if you read this and you want to come you probably know where we live or you can contact me and I'll see if I want to give you directions. HA!

Caden's registered for school again!

I went this morning to register Caden for Kindergarten. Yes, he's already done K but he's repeating it because the goals and skills he's working toward are very K appropriate. His teacher is brand new to the school this year, though she has taught K for 5 years already. He will have the same wonderful 1:1 associate he had last year and that is a big relief for me. I worry some about a teacher who might not know him, etc, but I'm sure things will work out. I know he'll have a great time no matter WHAT the rest of us do/say/think!

Declan will go in an hour to have his lala checked out. I have a feeling we'll be going to an antibiotic for it. My guess? Cephalexin. Will update once I know.

Avery and I are working on her bedroom lately. She got new bedsheets thanks to Grandma Sue and she loves them...but last night was the first night she would have slept in them and she decided she wanted to sleep on the top bunk instead. Figures. Also last night she slept with 8 little braids all over her head and today has (frizzy) wavy hair! She likes it. The jury's still out for me.

The twins did well last night, and they weren't overly cranky all evening for once! It seems the hours between 6-10pm are prime fussy time and boy it's a workout to have them then. Last night wasn't nearly as bad that way. They finally went down to sleep at 11pm and then both woke at 4am and again around 7:30am. I can't complain!

Hooray for more independence - Declan!

No, not walking yet, but he JUST went DOWN our front porch steps all by himself! Maybe it's one less thing where I'll have to carry him!

And now Madelyn proves to us she can also do it.

Sleep a super long stretch, that is. She went from 9:30pm - 5am, so 7.5 hours! Why is it that they never do it together? Macey was more fitful all night, just not totally settling in. She went from 10pm - 2:30, then again around 7am. Someday, I'm not even going to remember this, right?

Today my oldest 2 are shipped out to random places. Caden is with Charon, his awesome 1:1 aide from school! She called and offered to take him and I of course said yes so he was picked up at 10 and won't be home until 6pm! Avery is at her friend Gretchen's house for the day. Gretchen and Avery are only 4 days apart and will both be 5 years old at the end of this month! I'm sure they will have loads of fun. Gretchen was going to introduce Avery to the world of Polly Pockets - big fun! I'm always looking for things that Avery can self-entertain with as she is VERY poor at that. She is always wanting to hang around me or have me entertain her in some way and I get VERY tired of it, especially with 2 newborns in the mix.

Avery's test results -

all normal! Thank you God!

Last night was a more decent night of sleep. Macey and Madelyn went from 11pm-4am, so a 5 hour stretch they did together, which was nice. Then they went again until nearly 7am.

A big thank you today goes out to Leslie and her sister for the huge respite for me - they watched all 5 of my kids plus Leslie's own 3 month old for several hours while I did a whole lot of nothing at Wal-Mart and Goodwill. It was so fun and SO needed, so thank you!!

All taken today - enjoy!

A few days have passed...

because there's really not that much to say. It's been a lot of the same thing. The sleeping is going the same pretty much - we get 4-5 hour stretches but not necessarily at the same time and never from the same baby two nights in a row! It's actually kind of hilarious. They'll take turns sleeping well it seems. We were waking the sleeping baby to feed her when the first baby woke up, but we're not always doing that anymore since they've proved to be able to do up to 8 hour stretches...in other words, if Madelyn is screaming for a bottle and it's been 4 hours and Macey is sleeping peacefully, we'll leave Macey alone until she wakes on her own. Sometimes it makes for an extra time we wake up, but typically it works out. We started the "shift" routine a few nights ago - I take the bedtime - 3:00am shift and James takes from 3:01 on, meaning that I have them again by 6:30, but I can usually sleep until around 8am with this schedule, off and on of course.

Declan's bottom seems to be better. We switched to Lotrimin instead of Nystatin and it seems better. So far, no drs visits for it.

Avery's bladder and kidney ultrasound went super today, she was so cooperative and did so well. We don't have results from that back yet but her repeat pee-in-a-cup test was negative, so at the very least we know the antibiotics did their thing.

Camping is over...we survived!

But very glad to be home. The weather was UNNNNNNNNNNNNbelieveable. I've never seen such mild temps in July and August. Loved that!

Last night I was the only one who got up with Macey and Madelyn (James is getting cranky over how often he has to get up, and it is admittedly more often than I get up...but that's a rant for another day by me) and they aren't doing so well. It's back to every 3-4 hours again. Madelyn actually did much better than Macey Friday night but last night neither one did super. I'm hoping that being at home will do them good.

Their thrush is nearly all gone however! Yay for Diflucan!

Declan's la-la is very very sore again. I have a feeling we'll be seeing the dr in the morning sometime. Also, Avery's UTI results came back. She needs to have an ultrasound of her kidneys and bladder on Tuesday at 11:30. It's more just as a precaution rather than there being something "really wrong", but it's always tough to juggle all these appointments with so many kids!

We're on to a better medicine for thrush!

I called our dr. and specifically asked for Diflucan. Gave them each their first dose last night and last night's sleep was much better. Madelyn actually had a 6 hour stretch! Macey didn't do as well but James also didn't swaddle her. We stayed home last night but plan to go out tonight again camping for the weekend!

A very happy anniversary today to my in-laws!!! Not sure how many years but it's been lots of years and I think it's so neat that both of our sets of parents are still married after all these years!

We got cocky.

What can we say? We thought we were "all that", able to camp and everything like that with newborns. Last night didn't go so well. At all. James finally just up and left the campground completely at 4:30am - nice!! At that point he wasn't so much deserting us as he was planning to just stay awake to get to work on time. Macey and Madelyn were fussy ALL night, never really having a nice stretch of time where they slept well. Their thrush is really awful, especially Madelyn. I have called the dr about it and I think we'll need to move on to something else for them because the Nystatin is not clearing it up and I think they are grouchy because of the thrush.

So no 8 hour stretches, lol. I don't know if we'll spend the night out there or not tonight. I think I'd prefer not to.

Happy due date Macey and Madelyn!

Today is the day we were all anticipating...July 29. When I first found out I was pregnant I was sure I would be still pregnant today and would probably even deliver in August. Little did I know then it was twins and they'd be evicted at 37 weeks! So today marks M&Ms 3 week birthday and their official due date. Thrilled they are here and doing so well!

Those of you who know us know we love to camp. James' cousin Greg and his wife Melissa had a baby last weekend and Greg's brother Jer and his wife Jaci came from NW Iowa to see them (and us, of course!). They love to camp as well so we decided to pull our camper to the campground last night and set up next to their pop-up. We all 7 stayed overnight last night and it truly didn't go horrible! Macey didn't have anywhere close to an 8 hour stretch again (I should have knocked on some wood) but she did a 4 hour stretch and Madelyn did a 5 hour stretch, so we're getting there! We'll see what tonight holds. I think M&M got cold last night - it's been weirdly cool for July, but we'll take it!

Macey gets the gold star for sleeping!!

This girl seems to have figured it out! Last night she did an 8 hour stretch - 10pm to 6am! It makes SUCH a difference to get all that sleep!! Madelyn is a different story, but we're working her through it!

The sleeping continues to go well!

I should knock on some wood, but instead I'm praising God! Last night little Macey slept for 6 straight hours. And of course, Madelyn did a 5.5 hour stretch, but it wasn't at the same time. We have been trying to keep them on the same eating schedule but Macey has been slowly working up to sleeping longer and longer stretches so no way am I going to wake her up to feed her if she'll sleep 6 hours! They are swaddled, in their carseats, in the crib...it's working, and we aren't touching it! Hoping for as much success tonight!

And guess what? Madelyn has thrush now! So all THREE of my little girls are on medication!! Which totally reminds me that I forgot to give Avery her meds before bed. I am really awful about remembering meds. Anyone have any good tips for remembering that??

All's fair in love and....babies?

I haven't blogged in a few days. Mostly that's due to the fact that last evening I was home alone with all 5 kids and M&M screamed and fussed for 3+ solid hours. It was NOT pretty. But let me backtrack a bit so I can remember what I wanted to blog about...

Friday night my mom volunteered to keep the twins overnight. YAHOOOOO!!! So we willingly dropped them off Friday evening and went home to put our older 3 to bed and fall blissfully asleep ourselves. We slept through the night (yay for us!) and the twins did really well, too! My mom swaddled them and put them in their carseats and then went from 10:45-3:15! She then fed them and they made it until 6 again, so they did really well. In the morning I went in to my parents' house and picked them up, then brought them to a family from our church who was willing to keep the twins for the day while I went shopping with my mom. It was such a wonderful break from the ordinary and we found some great deals. James kept the older 3 during this time, and when I got home it was James' turn to go out...

James left at 6:30 to go to the races with some friends from work. I thought it was important that he go and I know he was looking forward to it. The twins started fussing about the time he left and by 7pm they were screaming, sometimes taking turns, other times wailing in unison. I got the older 3 to bed and from 7pm-10pm I basically did nothing except walk babies, pat babies, feed bottles, prop bottles, burp, give gas drops, lay them on their tummies, lay them on their backs. It never ended! I think they both had tummy troubles and they were just miserable. Finally at 10pm I fed the last bottle to each of them, swaddled them tightly and put them in their carseats in the crib...and they made it until 3:15! So just over 5 hours! Oh man, that was awesome. Let's hope it's a continuing trend!

So now I am outside and I have 4 kids with me, the oldest 2 and the youngest 2. Only one is fussy, so I suppose I am doing well! I am letting James nap while Declan naps. I hope they are able to get a few good winks in.

A better night - hallelujah!

So last night we tried a few things. First off, James put in earplugs. Turns out I can sleep through a lot more noise than James can which actually I find ironic because he was always able to sleep through the older 3 crying. Hmmm. Anyway, he put in earplugs and in James fashion was asleep within 2-3 minutes (I do not kid). At 11pm, just 20 minutes or so after we had all laid down, they both started taking turns fussing. After trying the pacifiers multiple times I finally said "screw it" and gave them both 2 oz bottles, burped them, swaddled them up tight and turned out the light.

At around 1:30 Madelyn started fussing. I've been telling James we need to let her fuss a bit or at the very least offer the pacifier so she's not getting so used to the 2.5 hour schedule. I hauled her into our bed (I know) and offered the pacifier several times. It must have worked...the next time I was awoken was 3:15! Which means that little Macey went from the 11:00 bottle until 3:15 swaddled in her crib, yay! So they both ate at 3:15 and then not again until the 6:00 hour. That's great progress.

You probably don't care how often they're getting up or any of that, but I really want to remember this years from now so hopefully blogspot will still be around. :)

Edit: We also had to bring Avery in this morning because we thought she might have a UTI. Turns out she does. Another 10 days of medicine for one of my girls!

Weight checks and thrush - oh my!

Today my sister in law had my older 3 kids - thank you! That was a welcome respite and they had a blast as well. During that time I took the twins to the drs office for weight checks. At our last check (1 week after birth) Macey was 5#6oz and Madelyn was 5#8oz. Today Macey finally gained! She was 5#14oz and Madelyn was 6#1oz. They're doing great at the eating thing!

While there, I noticed Macey's mouth was FULL of white spots so I asked the float nurse doing the weight checks if it looked like thrush to her. Sure did, so she found the PA who came in and verified it was thrush and ordered the Nystatin for us. She's supposed to have it 4 times a day for 10 days. Notice I said "supposed to" - crazy insane medicine schedule!!! But after stopping by my friend Heather's house for a few hours I picked up the prescription and boiled all the bottle nipples and such. I'm trying really hard to be good about it and help her to get over her fussiness and gas with it - poor baby!

Picture posting help for blogspot please!

Those of you who blog here and are familiar with how it all runs...what is the easiest way to post pictures fast on here? I'd love to share more pictures with all of you but it always seems to take me forever to get them uploaded and stuff. What's your sure-fire way to get pics up??

I wish I had blogged more when Declan was little.

I wish I knew how long he was sleeping at this point and things like that. As a friend just posted in my comment who had twin girls exactly one week before M&M were born - "did you know they'd be this much work?" and the answer is a resounding HECK NO. I never imagined.

At first, the first few days home, I told someone it was "easy". HA! Omgoodness there is nothing easy about it. And with the work of them comes the guilt over not spending good time with the older 3. The worry about them being upset at being sent to someone else's house (not Caden, he'd go to ANYONE'S house, but Avery will quite often be upset over having to leave and I know Declan doesn't nap as well...the list goes on). My new mantra is this: This TWO shall pass, this TWO shall pass...

Macey and Madelyn have given me a run for my money this afternoon. I think the feeding takes up a lot of our time and that is amplified by the fact that someone usually requires just one or 1/2 extra little ounces about 45min - 1hr after a regular feeding. Which is TERRIBLY hard when you're trying to get them both on the same schedule, because if Madelyn (who's chunking up quite nicely, we had to finally cut off her hospital ID ankelet Sunday night because it was TOO tight!) wants that extra ounce an hour after she's fed then she is satisfied longer than Macey who wants a regular full feeding (which is 2 ounces for each of them right now) about one hour after Madelyn's extra ounce. Make sense? I know, hardly, and it's very hard to keep track of who ate what and when and how much and ugh. I am honestly very tempted to make 2 little paper plate clocks, labeled with their names...and set the hands to the last time they ate so that at 4am when we're totally bleary-eyed because we've been up multiple times already we can remember when they ate and see if a pacifier might do the trick. But honestly, you cannot stop a hungry baby from crying because they need to EAT, no matter if it's been 1 hour or 4 hours since they last ate.

So some stats: They will be 2 weeks old tomorrow. Macey's cord fell off sometime during the night on Sunday night into Monday morning. Madelyn followed suit (in typical fashion, baby A first, then baby B) and lost hers Monday late afternoon. They are each eating just shy of 2 ounces at each feeding and eating every 2 hours...sometimes that is stretched to 3 hours but that is very rare. They very much like to have an extra 1/2 to 1 oz about an hour after they ate to drift them off into a deeper sleep. (Hateful, lol.) They have more head control and are stronger than any of our other babies have ever DREAMED of being...could it be possible they'll walk at or before 12 months of age? I can't fathom.

Thanks for the support!

I am not quite so tearful, but I would pay a good price for tons of sleep. Honestly, I got up 100% with my older three, James never did. I never expected him to. He was working full-time and I nursed Caden and Avery, so it didn't even make sense for him to get up. But this time (it must be the c-section) I don't even hear the girls when they start to stir. James often has one completely fed before I am even aware that anyone was up. (They are in a crib in our bedroom, so it isn't like they are far away and hard to hear.) I feel really bad about that but I am so thankful for his help! We just talked tonight about how to get better sleep...do we both just get up every time and make it quick? Do we take shifts - I would take 9pm - 2am and he'd take 2am - wake up time? We're not quite sure what the most sure-fire way to go would be.

This week I'll be starting to lift my older kids more. My dr asked me to not lift anything heavier than one baby for 2 weeks, and that will be Wednesday. After that I think that I'll be starting more and more to be on my own. James will be home on Monday, our awesome respite provider will be here most of the day on Tuesday, my mom is coming on Wednesday to help and then we'll start going for it. I am planning to ship out my oldest 2 for sure during naptime, and all 3 of them whenever possible for a good chunk of the day.

So, that is that. I'm trying to plan ahead. Trying to set up as many volunteers as possible for help with the older 3, specifically the oldest. I can't leave him alone in a room with the twins. I can't leave him near them - he tries to pick them up, hugs them SUUUUUUUUUUUPER tight, is just untrustable with them though he loves them SO much. I'm waiting for the new baby novelty to wear off for them, mainly for Caden. I must admit though, they are so cute they are hard to resist!

Soooooooooooo

The teary-ness has set in. James comes home and gloriously takes care of the older 3 but often that means leaving the house to go outside or whatnot and I am just here with the girls yet again. I cry over anything...the 2-2.5 hour stretches of sleep don't help at all, plus recovering from a c-section just blows. Madelyn is now screaming after just having been fed so I must go!

Staples are OUTTA here! And 18mo well-child for Declan.

And I couldn't be happier. I was scheduled to see my surgeon on Thursday to have the staples removed and check things over but I just couldn't stand it - they were poking into me and just generally uncomfortable. So I called them this morning and they said to come in today at 3:30 instead, which was perfect because Declan was due to see our dr in the same building at 3:15 today for his 18 month well-child check up.

My mom stayed with the other 4 while James and I brought Declan to the hospital/clinic. I went upstairs for my appointment and James stayed for Declan's appointment. The staples came out quickly for me and it didn't hurt, like I so feared. He said the incision looked great and to just keep on doing what I was doing. All done there. They did joke with me..."See you in 18 months or so?" Haaaaaaaaaa.

Declan's appointment went well. He is 27 pounds some odd ounces and 31 inches I think? I have it written down but I don't have it here with me. He's short. And he's heavy. His BMI is a little on the high side, so we're watching that but we think when he starts walking he'll trim down. He's a pretty sedentary boy save for the crawling so I'm sure that makes a difference.

My mom is here and is staying overnight. She is going to take the twins with her into Avery's bedroom for the night, woo hoo!! Avery is patiently waiting on the top bunk for grandma and the twins to come in...time will tell if she actually falls asleep or not but she has assured me that she will wait for grandma to come in before falling asleep. :)

Today's late update brought to you courtesy of...

James! Apparently he doesn't realize that bringing the laptop upstairs means that I cannot have any computer time. You know, since I have so MUCH time now available to me and all.

Things still going well here. M&M are perfectly adorable and perfectly on schedule with each other (for the most part) and it's just going good. This morning we had their home visit with the nurse. Madelyn passed Macey up, weighing 5lbs7oz to Macey's 5lb6oz. Their color looked good, temps were good, all over good! I've got some drainage from my incision so the nurse said to shower twice a day and let it air dry for 30 minutes or so (lay on the bed and just let it dry). You know, I really like that nurse, and so I didn't want to be rude, but that was hilarious. Twice a day? I think she meant to say twice a week or something, there's just no way twice a day is going to be possible. I'm still laughing.

What else do I want to remember? I'm not that sleep deprived, thanks to my awesome, amazing, wonderful, treasured husband who puts up with my "you've got a set of pipes, babe" snoring due to having had surgery and taking good pain meds. Apparently he gets up several times that I don't even know about during the night. God bless you James.

Tomorrow James is headed back to work and my mom is going to come for a few days. Yes, she lives near us anyway but she is still going to essentially move in for a few days which will be fun! After that we'll see what/when James is going to take off - I know I can't wait for the go-ahead to lift more weight and do more stuff around here, but I still have quite a bit of pain in my incision and I can't overdo it.

Night one at home - successful!

No, the tiniest two and the biggest two did not sleep through the night, but the other 3 did and it truly wasn't that bad. I have to give kudos to James for his willingness and helpfulness with all of this. The nurses kept reminding me I am recovering from major abdominal surgery and will need to rely heavily on others. I am not supposed to lift anything heavier than one baby for at least until I see the surgeon again at the end of this week, then we'll see what he says.

We got home around noon yesterday and my mom was here with the other 3 kids. We came in and Caden and Avery were so obsessed with the twins. It is a good thing there are two newborns to go around, but sir Caden is going to be a challenge. He ended up going to my parents' house for the day - he's just too rough and too loud and too...lots. He had fun with my parents and even napped there for a bit. Then they went to Wal-Mart and got a haul of practical and fun stuff for the house here, bringing supper with them. Grandma and Avery painted fingernails when they got back, complete with nail stickers! That was a hit.

Back at home, we had lots of visitors and when that waned I went down for a 2 hour nap while Declan napped. James had all 3 of his little girls for that time and Avery is SUCH a good baby holder (she is particularly fond of Macey, but in time I think it won't matter so much...my gut tells me it is because we have differentiated Macey and Madelyn's stuff with pink for Macey and purple for Madelyn and Avery is VERY partial to pink, therefore, she loves Macey...makes sense in a 4yo way). I got a good nap as well.

At bedtime the twins ate around 9pm and then we swaddled them and put them down in the crib in our bedroom together. They woke just after midnight to eat again and did very well. After 1 they woke again, but this time we (I should say James) searched for their pacifiers and offered those, which gave us until after 5am before they woke again! Very nice girls!! We then all slept until nearly 8:30 and they ate again at 9am.

It's 10:40 and Avery is hounded me to hold Macey again. I must go!

Laptops are fun!

It's so much fun to sit in the hospital and blog away on our laptop. It makes me think of those commercials where the person is sitting at some random place using their wireless internet service instead of doing what they're supposed to be doing there...only we are allowed to use this internet service so I suppose it's not nearly as funny. I digress.

Macey and Madelyn are doing so well. They are just peaceful little buggers who've barely cried or needed much besides feedings and diaper changes. My nurse last night has identical twin girls at home who are 20 months old and she gave me some good tips and advice - it was so fun to talk with her! People come in to visit and can pick them up and hold them, put them back down and just unneccessarily manhandle them and they don't wake up or anything. You can tell they are used to being bumped and jostled by each other which will serve them VERY well in a family with 3 young children who want to poke and prod at them. We've also noticed that the girls prefer to be near each other in the same tiny basinette and will turn their heads toward each other every time they are near each other. It's very precious!

Macey had a 2 vessel umbilical cord, which was noted from a very early ultrasound. Usually, this means nothing but our doctor ordered an ultrasound on her kidneys which was done this morning already. We don't have any news from that but hope to hear in the next several days what the results of that are.

The ultrasound technician who was the person to tell me I was having twins and has followed them every month since that Feb 4th day just came in to see them and held Madelyn for a bit. It has been so fun to share this pregnancy with her and she is so excited to meet them on the outside! We love you Donna.

I'm doing ok. Somewhat overwhelmed, but mostly I feel that's due to the c-section recovery more than anything else. While I don't have a lot of constant pain, I am very uncomfy when I stand up straight and it's just tough to move around like I would like to. I know I am going to need quite a bit of help when I go home and that's tough for me because I am so ready to feel well and do the stuff I wasn't able to do because I was "too pregnant" to do them before. I'm going to try to remember what a gifted nurse up here told me this morning - newborns won't know they're wet or poopy, but your older kids will know if they're being left out. Make it a point to nurture them well right now and don't stress about the bitty baby stuff. I find that so helpful, because I think it could be very easy right now to think overwhelmed thoughts about how to care for the babies when instead I can be focusing on how to reconnect with my olders who have missed their momma when I was hugely pregnant and missed me personally while in the hospital. I just want to recover fully, and I know in order to do that I HAVE TO take good care of myself. That is my most important goal right now. Everything else? Baby steps.

The twins have arrived...

God is so good! They are just two tiny bundles of adorable. I will post more later, but wanted to put a few pics up here to tide you over. I went via c-section yesterday morning (7.8.09) and all is going very well. Macey Johanna weighed 5lbs 11oz and was born at 7:50am. Madelyn Corinne was slightly more stubborn but they yanked her out at 7:53am weighing 5lbs 10oz. No, I cannot believe I had all that baby inside me either!

Still here...

I know. You go for a few days without posting anything and people start to wonder. But yes, I am still here, still hugely pregnant, still waiting. We actually made it to church this morning and a lot of people were suprised to see me there, but we figure this is our last chance to go in oh, 2 months? So we did it and the kids are out of control nuts lately so it wasn't exactly good but we were there.

I also had to go to OB this afternoon for a pre-OP teaching thing...basically an early check-in so everything is not so hectic on Wed morning. I can't believe they'll be here in just a few days!!!!

36 weeks today - a big milestone

I believe 36 weeks is considered term for twins. I FEEL term. I know I've mentioned the measurements before and how they measure you just like you're carrying a single baby - the "biggest" being 40cm because you're 40 weeks pregnant, kwim? Well, I measured 49 today. HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I just find that ridiculously funny.

So yes. The appt today went well, blood pressure is excellent, I have lots of swelling in my legs and feet and face and fingers and everywhere, but I am upright and walking and I really don't have much to complain about. I did get some prednisone for the intense itching of PUPPP. Let's hope that alleviates it somewhat. The rash should start to go away within 1-2 weeks after delivery. I was hoping it'd be 1-2 days but knowing there's an end in sight helps (a little).

I have a non-stress test again tomorrow afternoon at 3pm. After that it's just a waiting game to see if my body actually ever WILL go into labor on its own or if, like all of my kids, these girls need to also be evicted from their cushy water home. I am a fingertip dilated for those of you who care...basically that means nothing is happening. He did however say he could feel a prominent head down there, which is our sweet baby A who has been pushed to the netherregions of my uterus but is still staking her claim at FIRSTBORN! Will keep you posted - thank you for the support and prayers!

It's an adventure a day with twins!

Last night was one of those bizarre sleeping nights. I have PUPPP - a pregnancy rash that is super itchy and uncomfortable. I thought that was what was keeping me awake, and then your mind starts to wander...have I felt baby A move recently? How long has it been? And I realized that it's been a while, but I could feel baby B moving like crazy. So I got maybe 1 hour total sleep during the night and the kids were awake by 6:15...they day began.

I decided to call my dr at 8am. When they called back they said I should get to OB to have a non-stress test immediately. Immediately was over an hour because I had to wait until our wonderful Grandma Jean arrived, but I went straight to OB. Found baby B's heartbeat with no problems but baby A (the one I was concerned about) - couldn't find it. A couple of different nurses tried and at this point you start to panic a bit. Finally they brought in an ultrasound machine. It felt like it took forever for them to get there with it. Started the ultrasound and of course the sonographer can't tell you anything. At one point I even asked, "Did you find her heartbeat?" and the answer was very non-committal. Finally the radiologist who was also in the room calls our dr and tells him, "We have one heartbeat at 133 and one at 153" - THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good fetal movement. Baby B is just squishing the heck out of baby A and not giving her much room, pushing her way back into my back where it's hard to feel movement or find that elusive heartbeat.

That was scary. I thank my mom for being there with me when James couldn't. I thank our dr for caring so much and being so adamant we get the care we needed. I thank the nurses who were so professional and didn't let on how worried they were. But mostly I thank God for giving peace and calm and helping us through, and for keeping them both growing strong and healthy!

Tomorrow I see my dr again, and Thursday I am probably going to have another non-stress test (incidentally, it was a very HIGH stress test, but I get the whole true meaning of it). I will be 36 weeks tomorrow and at 36 weeks we've said I can deliver here in Pella so this is a very big milestone! I am currently set up for an induction/probable c-section (because of their positions inside) on Wed the 8th at 7:30am. I got my wish without even having to be pushy - the date of 07/08/09!

Please pray that the itching subsides some for me. I am pretty miserable with it. Also pray that babies might decide to both be head down (vertex) so we can go for a natural delivery versus the c-section.

Today is our 11 year wedding anniversary!

Those of you who were there, remember hot stinkin hot it was? It's like that again today. Blistering. But we are enjoying getting a few projects done around here and hanging with Declan. Then tonight we are going to go out while Declan stays with James' parents overnight (bless them, no kids for us at all tonight!) - we'll pick up some last minute baby stuff and go out to eat at Spaghetti Works, my favorite!!

Today my friend Joy is marrying her best friend Rob - so happy for them!!!! God's blessings to you guys, wish I felt like I could be outside for that long.

Please pray for safe travels for many people. My BFF Heather and family are traveling to Michigan as I type. My parents and kids will be traveling HOME from Michigan this afternoon and tomorrow morning. Several of my RTS mommy blogging friends are together in Florida relaxing, but will be traveling back to their homes soon (some year, I will be coming along, mark my words!). Prayers for all of you.

A bit more about this week for you all

I haven't blogged about it. Maybe I've been too overwhelmed and emotional about it. This week has been VERY different from most weeks in our home. On Saturday morning at 6am, my parents came over and picked up Caden and Avery. They left for Michigan, yes, MI, 8 hours away from us here. I cried when they left, though in total honesty it wasn't because I was going to miss them so much, it was mostly just because I am that emotional and it's just different. Caden signed "mommy cry" a few times and Avery gave me a look that said, "Don't start this, this is NOT my first day of Kindergarten or something." But off they went.

And they are still gone and it is Thursday. And they won't be back until Sunday sometime!

I do miss them, but again, not all that much, LOL! That probably sounds horrible, but it is so unbelieveable to just have Declan to care for. He is simple. He doesn't require a certain drink and a certain number of scoops of Ovaltine into his milk and he doesn't argue about which seat he gets to sit in at dinner and he doesn't yell "moooooooooooommy!" from the bathroom and wherever you put him he can only crawl away from there, not get up and run away. I have spent mucho time with good friends and reconnected there. I have followed up on a Craigslist ad and found a gal with tons of totes of twin girl clothes near us and bought some more clothing for M&M. I was able to spend time with another twin mommy and they are letting us use their twins' carseats and double stroller and all of that, so I now have those ducks in a row. (pause here for scratching my face, glory BE it itches!) And as much as I wanted to get done around the house here, I have spent a LOT of time on my butt and in bed, napping while Declan naps (more scratching, sorry) and simply enjoying not being at everyones' beck and call.

But mostly, the point of this post is to say thank you mom and dad. Thank you for the break. Thank you for understanding that while we love them dearly, we love them even more when we don't have to care for them 24/7. Thank you for sacrificing things you could be doing so that you could have our kids along with you. Much love.

35 week appointments - God is good!!

It's been a busy few days. Yesterday I had my regular appt with my dr. Things are looking good as far as he's concerned. I did cry about how much pressure I'm feeling and how uncomfortable I am - he was sympathetic but said there truly isn't much we can do for right now, which I understand. I measured 46 weeks and we found both heartbeats easily.

This morning I had my ultrasound to check the twins' growth and then I was able to talk with the perinatologist about delivery plans and all of that since this will be the last time I see him before they arrive (Lord willing). Today, baby A was head down - she always has been, good girl! However, baby B was breech, which is weird because at every single ultrasound she is in a different position!! She is going to be a challenge. With this kind of positioning and delivering at a small, local hospital, our more likely outcome is a c-section. However, if I come in in labor they will scan me again and if baby B is head down, we'll go for vaginal delivery.

The biggest surprise was their weights. A month ago they were both within an ounce of each other at 3lbs7oz and 3lbs6oz. I didn't expect them to be over 5lbs. HA! Baby A is (estimated at) 5lbs13oz and baby B at 6lbs0oz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I'm so uncomfortable!! My dr and the peri were super happy with this and I am still just so shocked! They are growing in perfect unison honestly, and we feel very blessed.

I have a horrid, itchy rash all over my face and neck. Peri said it was likely PUPPS and wouldn't get better until after I delivered. That, combined with how big they already are, has him saying I can be induced or sectioned at 37 weeks, which is just 2 weeks from today (and incidentally, is 07/08/09, the date I've been wanting for months now!). I can't believe they will be here within 2 weeks!!!!

33 weeks today, another appointment

By calendar weeks I'm 33 weeks pregnant. According to how big my belly is I'm 44 weeks pregnant. Is that even possible?? It feels like it isn't, trust me. Everything sounded good in there (strong heartbeats at 160 - baby B and at 152 - baby A) and everything as far as I'm concerned looked good as well. He told me to eat more. I guess I can handle that, but nothing sounds good and I get full pretty fast. I am now off the procardia for contractions and we'll see how it goes. He basically put me on it so James and I could take our trip and not worry about contractions. I did take one this morning but now I'm fully out so we'll just wait and see! If I make it to 36 weeks (July 1) I can deliver here which would be awesome. If I go before that and they can't stop labor I have to go to Des Moines which I'd like to avoid, what with 3 other kids to look after around here! My dr mentioned something about "talking after 38 weeks" and I think the death glare I gave him was good enough to make him understand I hoped NOT to be pregnant anymore by then......

This week is Vacation Bible School at our church and I've been busy with that. It's harder than I imagined to be upright for that long. I have employed our sweet 10yo neighbor girl for 2 afternoons a week watching Caden and Avery while mommy and Declan nap. That is very nice! I'm trying to take it easy as much as possible.

James and I did go on our 4 day camping "adventure" together and it was truly a blast. We did nothing honestly. We shopped (a very little, but he was kind enough to go to a couple of consignment stores with me and actually feigned interest!) and we ate out a couple of times, but mostly we roasted marshmallows and talked and ate and laughed and read some of The Love Dare book (from the movie FireProof) and we were responsible for NO ONE other than ourselves. We found it VERY easy to get used to doing nothing, surprisingly easy in fact. James was an absolute sweetheart to me (as usual) and I rarely had to get myself anything. He even did all the cooking and roasting marshmallows! I assembled the smores with the twins' help - my tummy is so out there I just stacked them on top of each other right on my belly! We are very excited about our baby girls to come. It seems so surreal but yet we know they're coming and overall everyone is doing well. We were able to talk openly about how much work it's going to be and how much we're going to need each other and our friends and family, but I know he's in it for the long haul and that feels great.

These twins are excited to meet their family!

I must sound like a lot of fun on the outside, because last night we had to stop some pre-term labor!

I was in Wal-Mart around 4pm yesterday and started feeling crampy. I can get that sometimes while walking so I didn't think much of it. By the time I got done I was in pain, but of course I didn't ask anyone for help, I lugged all the milk gallons and juice and all of my bags to the van, returned the cart to the cart corrall (huge pet peeve, lol), came back to my van, sat down and started having to breathe hard through the pain. I decided I better call my drs office (it was a few minutes until 5pm) when the contractions went away, and then came back every couple of minutes pretty regularly.

Long story short, I got in there and they were 1 minute apart. Not hugely painful, but definitely contractions. I got a shot of terbutaline and they started an IV with fluids...things settled down and when the first bag of fluids was almost gone the contractions started up again. So then over the course of the next 3 hours I had 5 pills of procardia and more fluid. I was super uncomfy but I think that had more to do with the way I was laying on the exam table and all of that. I am NOT dilated and my dr took some fibronectin test which came back negative (meaning I'm NOT likely to go into labor soon, very good news). I was glad to get home, for sure. I have to take one pill of the procardia every 8 hours (probably until I deliver) but our dr gave us the go-ahead for our 4 day weekend without kids so I am thrilled about that for tomorrow! Since getting up this morning I have had one mild contraction but nothing huge. I guess being pregnant with twins really IS that different! I've never had issues like this before at all.

My dr thinks it had more to do with the fact I'd had diarrhea all day yesterday (sorry if TMI, but I like full disclosure) - it started everything cramping and then I over-did it and all of that. I think this was my wake-up call, however, that I cannot be doing as much as I used to. I'd like to think I can still do it all and keep the house clean and all of that, but I think that's a no.

My appointments today!

Today I started off the morning with my routine every-4-weeks ultrasound. My mom came along with me this morning and it was fun to share that with her! She's never seen an ultrasound happening before so it was a good time. No doubts anymore that I'm fibbing about there being 2 in there - I have a witness. :)

I'm 31 weeks today. The girls measured 3lbs 7oz and 3lbs 8oz (+/-10oz, lol) and they are both in position to try vaginal delivery, woo hoo!!! (Mostly I'm a weiner about a possible c-section.) The perinatologist said it doesn't get much more picture perfect than this. He doesn't want to see me back with him for another 4 weeks for another ultrasound, which would make me 35 weeks, wow!

My reg dr (saw him about an hour after the peri) said that the peri must be feeling REALLY comfortable with how things are going or he would have never allowed me to wait so long between ultrasounds, so this is good! At my reg appt I gained 3 pounds (up 19 pounds total), bp was excellent at 110/54, fetal heart tones were both found easily again. I am going every 2 weeks and have been for quite a few weeks already. Get ready for this - I am measuring 40-41 weeks gestation at 31 weeks. For those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about, 40 weeks is a full-term single baby. So I am as big as if I had one baby in there and I was ready to deliver. And alas, I have weeks and weeks to go/grow yet! I got into the minivan after camping this weekend and had to move the seat back - so over the course of 3 days I know I grew quite a bit. Of course it had nothing to do with the number of smores I had. Hey, one for each beating heart inside me, yes??

Declan's 1 year portraits...

taken at 16+ months, today 5/26/09. It's WITHIN the age of 1 year, yes?

Click here to see the pictures

password: declan

And Caden knocks my socks off!

Just when God thought I had been wallowing long enough in my pity party, He sent a huge gift via my firstborn.

Tonight James had to leave for church a little early, which left me with all the kids when I already wasn't feeling very well at all. Before James left, Caden had taken his diaper off and was running around stark naked, nothing new there. I happened to be sitting on our bed and Caden came into our bedroom, pointing at his bottom, grimacing and whining. "Caden, do you need to go potty?" "NO!" came the immediate reply, which is his FAVORITE word these days, so joyous. So I change it up a bit. "Caden, do you need a diaper on?" "Yeah!" to which I replied, "No buddy, let's go sit on the potty." He grabbed my hand and I sat him on our toilet in our master bathroom. I showed him how to point it down and he was NOT impressed with mommy bugging him there, so I was pushed aside. I decided to take a step away and not really pay attention, and there is was, the sound of pee hitting the floor. WHO THE GLORY CARES, it's urine, it came from Caden and it was nearly immediate after being placed on the potty!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I started whooping it up and all of that, walking back toward him to get ready to wipe up the pee when HOLY SMACK, poop hit the water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A double whammy of goodness!!! We were all so proud, SO PROUD!!!!

I got him wiped up (I thought) and we headed to start getting ready for bed. He decided to make a detour into Avery's room (still naked) and climb up on her bed. I called for him from his bedroom when it dawned on me - he scoots himself to dismount a bed and I'm not totally sure his bottom is clean....please don't tell Avery anything but we need to do some laundry in the morning.

One of those RTS days, I guess.

And yesterday, RTS stood for "Really Tough Sh!t".

It was Mother's Day. And I am admittedly grouchy and punchy lately. I probably have hurt some feelings and have a few apologies to make but at the moment the best I can do is to admit I am bitchy and move on from there.

The kids actually let me sleep in (James had to be at church early) so that was a VERY nice gift! I got up with them and we got ready for church and Caden was alredy somewhat agitated once we got to church because daddy had to go up front to sing during our service and wasn't sitting with us. He was asking for "daaaaaaaadddddy!!" and whining some, but then it came time for him to leave for Children's Worship and all was well. We made it through and then went to family's house for lunch together which was very nice. I think my neice may have broken her arm but I haven't heard from SIL so I am going to assume that she's ok for now.

After lunch we had decided to take a 1 hour + drive to see a campground that James and I will be camping at (without children!!) in a few weeks. We wanted to see what the campground was like and all of that. That went fine until James decided it was Caden's turn to hold the personal DVD player instead of Avery (who usually holds it in such a way that she and Caden can both see it and does a very nice job of it). Caden doesn't do such a nice job of it. He pushes the button to turn the screen off and on. He turns it away from Avery (which elicits an hugely unnecessary shrieking fit from her) and he just generally does what he can be to a pistol about it. Now, I understand that it might not seem "fair" that Caden never gets to hold it, but honestly, he cannot handle it. And I in turn cannot handle the subsequent hollering from Avery (again, not necessary but she's female and 4, what do you expect?) and general extreme referreeing I have to do. But I must say, with Avery I can reason with her and she understands the concept on consequence - and we made it very clear that if she kept hollering she would not be having any sort of snack or drink. Problem solved, for the next few minutes anyway.

Then we go to Target where I plan to return 3 items and come right back out. James suggests we all go in together. He knows shopping is my favorite gig ever and bumming around Target for clearance is quite high up there on my fun list and it's Mother's Day - a truly sweet suggestion James but I should have known better. We pile them all in the store and within a minute Caden has started his whining, grunting, "I'm irritated" noise - mostly due to the fact that we don't allow the pacifier to accompany him into buildings. And it's loud. And it receives stares (which truly DOES NOT bother me, but I want you be aware of what we're dealing with here). So we're trying to look for things here and there and during this time Caden wanders off twice - instant "into the cart" rule. And he isn't happy, so the whining crescendos. Long story short, we bought C batteries and toilet paper, James grabbed Caden and brought him to the van while I checked out with Avery and Declan (always the super troopers) and we headed home.

The ride home was pretty much silent. Caden fell asleep nearly immediately, Declan had napped a little bit and was content to chatter a bit to himself and Avery was singing, rather quietly which was nice. The silence was finally broken when I said to James, "Does it even feel to you like Caden ruins most of our family outings?" and James concurred. And that, my friends, is Really Tough Sh!t. It's the truth and the truth hurts. While I don't wish (anymore) for Caden not to have RTS (the syndrome), the truth is the wish is very much there for him to be more normal. I can't FATHOM what he would be like without RTS as it's the very essence of who he is, but I suppose I wish I could tailor RTS to suit our family's needs better. And can you even imagine, do you even KNOW how much it breaks a mother's heart to wish that your kid wasn't the way they are? To look at him, my heart adores him, but in the very same heartbeat, I want something different for him, for all of us. I want it to be FUN to go out and do things together as a family. I wish we didn't have to curb the things we do because Caden can't handle it, won't understand it, won't cooperate, doesn't understand consequence so there's no punishment that works...the list goes on.

And these are the moments where you feel very, very alone. James doesn't get it in the same way I do. He doesn't deal with him for as many hours as I do. And he isn't currently pregnant, either, which makes him a LOT more even-tempered, lol. Caden is ageless, in so many ways...I don't even think about what he would be doing as a typical 6.5 year old because I can't even imagine it. I tell people that I have a 6yo, 4yo and 16mon old and they say, "Oh, your 6 and 4yos will be a big help with the twins!" and I think, "No, no, no, he's honestly MORE work than the rest of them combined!!" but yet I just nod - what can you say?

I don't like asking for help with him. I feel like he's "my problem" - one I never asked for but apparently I needed. And he acts so dang good for others! At home it's where we have issues. I suppose that makes sense in terms of how we all behave differently at home and I am glad he's comfortable here obviously. It's just...different.

I'm throwing this all out there for heaven-knows-what reason. Some because I think I inadvertantly portray that everything's a-ok for us when it comes to Caden - and mostly, it is, but there are days, and then those days spiral downward so fast because it's all been building up. Some because these feelings are real and raw, and I think it needs to be ok to share them. And some because I just need a hug.

A year ago today...

Avery's potty training began. Remember that saga? That was fun to read. She is quite the Avery.

The reason I can even remember those sorts of details? Today is also my parent's wedding anniversary. Happy Anniversary mom and dad!! We love you!

Today Caden walked part of the parade route with his Kindergarten class. He was so cute in his Dutch costume. The rain cleared off and the weather turned out to be beautiful this afternoon so Tulip Time started off just fine! We are now done with our Tulip Time committments - time will tell if we go back uptown to do anything else. I know I'd prefer just to stay away from it all, but the food is truly calling me....

An overview of our life

My SIL (sister in law, for those of you who aren't internet lingo savvy) started a letter today that got the ball rolling for the rest of us. I thought I would share the portion we wrote to update all the rest of you!! --

Hey, I'll chime in. We're doing our usual - James nearly passed out in front of the tv and me parked at the computer. I really should have my feet up but alas, I do not. So sue me. If someone would buy us a laptop then I could do as I should and have my feet up. But alas, they have not. So sue them.

We found 6 wood ticks either attached to or near our children's heads tonight within the course of 30 minutes. That's disgusting, but it is just about our biggest news. So we do not have new pets, just new ticks.

I think we might go camping this weekend. Caden was supposed to be involved in 3 parades during Tulip Time but we have narrowed it down to only 1 parade on Thursday afternoon that he is involved in. So after that we're happy to be doing not much of anything at all. Time will tell if we go camping or not....we have loaded up the bed of the pickup with TONS of junk from around here so that has to go to the landfill before we can haul a camper to the campground. We joked that it would be funny to pull up in a crowded area of the campground with all that junk in there, spill all the kids out, start waddling around with my hands on my back and start yelling at James and the kids - wouldn't that be funny???? Yeah, only to us I think. But the mental picture is kinda funny.

School is winding down, and that means tons of field trips for Caden. He is going to the zoo with his spec ed class, then to the Youth Special Olympics (his best event is cycling, aren't you proud grandpa??), then to the zoo again with kindergarten...maybe. We'll see how he does with all of it and go from there. His last day will be June 2, barring any unforseen H1N1 battles (I try to be PC at every turn, you know, don't want any swines to be offended). Caden will be repeating Kindergarten next year, but isn't allowed to have the same K teacher (sniffle).

Avery only has 3 more preschool sessions left and then she graduates - back to the same preschool! Only next year she is doing 3 afternoons a week compared to the current 2 mornings a week. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how it's all going to work out but I know God will make a way. After that the plan is that she will go to Kindergarten (in her words) "at Nathaniel and Emma and Tressa and Jacob's school!!!!!" and she is excited for Kindergarten when that time comes as well, but for now she is very content to go back to the same preschool, the house she knows, the teachers she "loves" (her words again) - and we are excited for her!

Declan. What can I say seriously? He melts you like a stick of butter on high in the microwave. He gets CRAPLOADS of attention when we go places - oh, he's so cute! How old? Oh, he WAVED at me!!! He is like a mini-celebrity and it's hilarious to me, not so fun to Avery but we are trying HARD to make sure she doesn't get lost in the shuffle of special needs older brother and super cuddle younger brother...and then indentical twin girls to follow up. He is a crawler now (FINALLY!) at 15 months and he goes places! Lately he's been sick with some crud and is back on breathing treatments but we hope he's turning the corner.

I'm feeling good! 28 weeks tomorrow and going strong, although I must admit that having a kitchen with concrete floor is MURDER on my back, legs and ankles by the end of the day. I am just nesting away, both inside and out and it's fun to see the progress, though at times the babes destroy it faster than I can clean it. Our pastor's wife gifted me with a certificate she won for 3 hours of cleaning service but I have no idea how to use it. Probably showers I guess, unless she's willing to change a diaper or two. That's truly dirty.

Caden's ears.

If you have a child with special needs, you soon come to realize that there is that "thing" that becomes the "thing" that's terribly frustrating. For Caden, medically speaking, that is ear infections. He is home again from school, day 2 now, with a high fever and lethargy. Most likely cause? Ears. And this is the 2nd round of it in as many weeks.

And I'm also annoyed at his ENT. I called them first to see if he could be seen instead of asking his regular doc to see him again. "It's too difficult to tell from your description if it's ears or not - but let us know if it IS his ears because we'll want to see him." ARGH! I truly DO know my son well enough to tell you what's going on but nope, they couldn't see us. So our regular dr (God bless that man) just called in a prescription for us and Caden seems better today.

In other news, I am 27 weeks today. Still feeling good, nesting like a CRAZY woman. Today I cleaned out the closet off the laundry room, cleaned the pantry (didn't organize yet, just cleaned it), sorted through all the craziness we call Tupperware (anyone need some onion holders? I am so a minced-from-the-jar kind of cooker) and cleaned out the cabinet where we put all the small appliances. Felt good, too! Avery and James spent the morning at preschool together - it was Ave's snack day and they had a good time.

A funny for your mid-week.

Hats off to my dear friend Mindi, the one girl who always knows what she sends into my email inbox will literally make me Laugh Out Loud!! This gem came from her:


Loving Couple -

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic Tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, “What a peaceful & loving couple.” The Local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: “Well, it dates back to our Honeymoon in America,” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down To the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my Wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.”
I SHOUTED at her, '”What's wrong with you, woman!?!”
“Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you frickin crazy?”
She looked at me, and quietly said, “That's once.”
“And from that moment on.... We have lived happily ever After.”

God never ceases to amaze me.

Had my regular 4 week appointment with the perinatologist this morning - mostly a fetal growth ultrasound. These little girls - verified girls once again - are doing PERFECTLY. They are active (baby B is quite a bit more rowdy than baby A) and they look wonderful. They are measuring just 2oz different from each other, which means they are both growing at nearly identical rates. Baby B is slightly bigger at 1lb 15oz and baby A is weighing in at 1lb 13oz. The level of fluid surrounding them looks good as well. I had tears in my eyes, I am just so thankful for God continually showing me that He is in control and He has a perfect plan for these double surprises. The perinatologist came in and literally spent about 30 seconds with me - "everything looks wonderful, your risk of twin-to-twin transfusion is nearly gone at this point, though we'll still watch carefully for that, keep on doing well and I'll see you in another 4 weeks." Hallelujah! So I've moved on to every 2 weeks with my regular doctor (mostly to keep good tabs on my blood pressure and thinks like that) and will have another growth ultrasound in 4 weeks.

In other news, please welcome little James (RTS) and his family to my blogroll! Head on over and visit his blog and tell me he doesn't look just like our Caden!

Had another appt on Friday

Things seem pretty normal I guess. We were able to find both heartbeats (this was just an appt with my regular dr, not with the perinatologist for an ultrasound and more in-depth look) and heard a lot of movement as well. I asked my dr if it was common to be more anxious when pregnant with twins about all the possibilities of things that might go wrong and he reassured me that it was more common. I felt better about that, but I am truly trying to give it to God and not fret about things - easier said than done! Anyway, I have been measuring about 2-3 weeks ahead but on Friday I measured 5 weeks ahead...and off I went in my head, thinking that must mean there's too much amniotic fluid for one twin (meaning twin to twin transfusion), etc. We'll see on Wed morning when I have my ultrasound, but I could use prayers that everything is just fine. I also had my glucose test Friday morning and passed with flying colors, although I am anemic and need to take an iron tablet daily. I can do that!

Things around the house are interesting. I have been nesting quite a bit and want to get to a place where I have nothing to do at night because I am *that* caught up. I know, I will give you a moment to stop laughing. However, several of my friends have been doing this lately and say it's so freeing. I can only imagine!! James has been a peach about pitching in lately and that is such a huge help to me, especially on those days when I am extra tired or extra grumpy, lol.

Caden is recovering nicely from his ear infection. I need to make an appt with his ENT to have his ears checked again, but sometimes I just don't FEEL like making more appts (and you RTS mommas know what I am talking about there). He went back to school on Friday and they said he did great, even went swimming with his special ed class. He's back to his usual self, antagonizing Avery at every turn. It's nice to have him back. (kinda??)

Avery is...something. We're not sure what is going on specifically, and maybe it's normal 4yo stuff, but she is a crybaby and she is DEFIANT lately. When things don't go her way we get 20 minutes of full-out sobbing about life in general. We get sass when the answer to her request is "no" - and then more crying. To be perfectly honest, it has spiraled downhill since we have been preparing for the twins. Everyone tells me "Oh, she'll be such a big help" but I gotta tell you, she might be my biggest challenge! It's such a fine line between letting her have her way so she's happy and laying down the law because she can't always have her way. I guess it's about choosing your battles, but sometimes I wonder why everything HAS to be a battle in the first place!

Declan is crawling. It's slow, but it's OH so cute. He started last week sometime in pursuit of a much desired sippy cup. It was worth the 15 month wait! He's also been half-standing near things lately so he's just sort of taken off all at once. He adores getting into cupboards and I let him - he is entertained and James can pick it up later, hee hee. He went through a spell there where he was pretty difficult, but I think it had more to do with not being able to motate and always seeing the same scenery. That's not an issue now!

Caden's got a bad ear infection.

Something hasn't been right since Sunday or so. They've been saying at school that he is very disagreeable to doing things, which isn't usual. Then last night he was awake until 9:30 crying and finally passed out on James' lap in front of 24 (I know, such good viewing for a 6 year old, sometimes that non-verbal stuff pays off). He was then up during the night sobbing. I sent him to school and he was agreeable about it, but I called after picking Avery up from preschool at 11:30 and was told that he wasn't himself at all and had been laying on a special person's lap for the past 45 minutes. Time for a call to the dr and to pick him up from school. Turns out, it's a nasty ear infection (and both ear tubes are out, oh joy, I think now we'll be going to tube set #4) causing him to be so sick, poor boy! I have had to carry him for most of the day, and at 45 pounds and me "great with child(ren)" that is no easy task. So he stays home tomorrow, and I had plans to get things done that I have been neglecting but such is the life. Can anyone run to Wal-Mart for me in the morning?? :)

Kristen's blog address:

If you'd like to follow Kristen and her identical twins, feel free to visit her blog at www.rockyrieman.blogspot.com (and can anyone tell me how to make that a clickable link????). Keep praying for them please!!

I haven't forgotten about you, blog...

I have just been busy with everything and nothing, all at the same time. You know how that goes? You don't have anything on the calendar, yet your days are full of "stuff." Add that to the fact that I have been nesting like a crazy-momma and we keep busy around here!

I finally talked Caden and Avery into watching The Polar Express and I am getting a few minutes' peace. Declan is napping, bless him. He's always been a very good napper, I'm glad of it and I hope it continues for YEARS, lol.

Twins are doing well. My blood pressure has risen a bit, and I have more protein and ketones in my urine than I should AND I've been losing weight. I had to go into the clinic twice this week to have that all checked, but for now we're just keeping an eye on things and I go for my next regular appt a week from today. I'll be glad to have my next ultrasound as well, just to check on them and see how they're doing. I don't feel a TON of movement, actually not more than I did with any of my first 3 singleton pregnancies, so at times it's easy to worry that something might be wrong. There's just lots of unknowns with a twin pregnancy I guess, and sometimes that's disconcerting, to say the least.

Please keep my friend Kristen in your thoughts and prayers. We met via searches on the internet - she lives in Wyoming and is also pregnant with twins (identical). Right now she has traveled over 7 hours to go to Salt Lake City because her twins are in the beginning stages of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Keep praying that they will be able to help the twins grow strong and healthy!!!!

Think Caden's retarded?

You're right. Think it's ok to use the word "retard(ed)" outside of a medical description? You're wrong.

When you saw the title to my post I bet you wondered how to feel. You wondered if I was joking or if I was serious. I'm serious. Caden is considered mentally retarded. Problem is, in this society, which claims to embrace and encompass those with any kind of disabilities, the word "retard" has been changed to mean stupid, and is typically flung around as an insult at those with normal cognitive levels. No one wants to be CALLED a "retard" but yet it's fine to say "that's retarded" about something. No one wants to be CALLED a "retard" yet it's acceptable to say "you're retarded" if you're just joking around with someone.

Today, I am asking you to change the way you feel about this word. It's used as an insult, and it degrades those who are mentally handicapped. It's not "fine" to use it as long as you're not talking about a person, because it perpetuates the stereotype that people who are mentally retarded are somehow stupid and incapable. Let's end the use of this word altogether. If you use it, will you please stop? If you don't but you hear it used, are you brave enough to say something? Today, March 31 2009 is the day to end using the word "retard(ed)". It's not about being oversensitive. It's about respect for all. http://www.r-word.org/

You take the good with the bad!

No, I'm not talking about the facts of life. I'm talking about developmental milestones. They are wonderful little marvels to brag about and enjoy experiencing with each new child, but they are also intrusions into life as you know it.

Take today for example. Declan is now quite adept at getting from a laying position to a sitting position (it only took 14 months). Problem is, now he sits up in his crib instead of napping. Hey, isn't seeing the world from a sitting position more fun? He thinks so. He's been in there for nearly 1.5 hours and is still just talking away. He NEEDS to sleep, but I suppose I'll get to enjoy that later, around suppertime when he's a total bear to handle. He is growing increasingly frustrated at not being able to crawl around, but I think moving to the sitting position has built up confidence in him.

I told James around the 1st of March that Declan would crawl "this month". Well, unless he really gets a move on today and tomorrow that is unlikely. Wait, he's probably crawling all over in his crib right now and I have no idea!

And now onto my next random thought - decorating. I need some help with something. I got this beautiful mirror and thingys (are they sconces? I don't know what they're called but they hold candles I think - so candle holders? I'm clueless.) at a garage sale this past summer. James finally hauled out his tools and put them up for me:

Very nice above our fake fireplace (though last summer's appraiser listed that we indeed had a fireplace...I'm not sure where he received his credentials) but I'm wondering a few things. First, should I take the mirror out and paint them a bolder color? They seem really bland on that light tan wall. I don't feel like painting it but I would. Also, I am ordering red/white checked curtains for the windows (there are windows equally spaced on either side of the fireplace) so maybe that'll make this pop more. Also, what the heck do I stick on the candle holders? Before you laugh and shout out the obvious, keep in mind that these holders are curved throughout, so flat-bottomed candles won't work. I was thinking of some spheres that have greenery hanging down from them but again, where on earth to get them? Any ideas??

Edited to add a pic of the curtains I'm ordering:

Another ultrasound this morning!

Things look very good in there. It's just amazing to see what God is creating, changing every time! Today both twins are head down (hooray!) but through the course of the ultrasound they moved a ton, so head down was a matter of that moment in time. They are busy little girls! The perinatologist agreed that there has only ever been one placenta and everything still strong points to identical twins. I had to have my cervix length checked (it SOUNDS a lot worse than it is) and for those of you who might know, it was nearly 5cm (anything over 2.5cm is good, so again, hooray!). Baby A still has the 2 vessel cord but it doesn't sound like anything to be concerned about. They were laying so so so so close to each other, you could see they were both girls in one frame! The tech said that doesn't happen too often. Also wanted to add that I am 22 weeks today!

In other news, just before I came over to blog Declan was rolling around, and when I looked over at him a few minutes later he was sitting up! Yay! He's spending more time standing up too (with us holding him of course) and getting stronger with stuff like that. Still likes to scream and shriek and is very "talky".

Not much new to report with Caden or Avery. They seem to be just plugging along.

Kids and heaven

We've been talking recently around here about heaven. It makes sense, as James' grandpa (our kids' Opa) passed away at midnight last night (we will miss you Opa, we love how you loved kids), but interestingly enough, the first questions about heaven came in the car one day from Avery. Avery told me that she wanted Jesus to come to our house so she could give him a hug. I told her that wasn't the way Jesus came to us now, but he used to in the days of the Bible. That seemed to be ok with her, but she wanted to know where Jesus was if he wasn't able to come to our house...I mean, isn't he everywhere?? I tried to explain that he was in heaven but he also lives in our hearts, and again, that seemed to pacify her, but I could tell she wasn't satisfied completely.

Last night over our McDonald's dinner (hey, it's the only "meat" Declan will eat) we talked to the kids about how Opa was not going to live here on earth anymore. We told them that his body was very sick and that very soon, his body wouldn't be strong enough to stay here. God would choose the time and God would choose how it all happened, so we didn't need to worry about it. Avery insisted on going to make him feel better so that he would start to eat again and get well. We told her it didn't work that way, when God chooses for someone to die they will die, it's not up to us and there's nothing we can do.

This afternoon it came full circle. I told the kids this morning when we woke up that Opa had died. Several hours later, just a few minutes ago, Avery told me that Jesus was going to give OPA a hug, that's how it worked.

It's always amazing to me how God works in their hearts...to give us glimpses of him, to answer any lingering questions or doubts we may have, and to show us that children truly understand more than we even imagine.

So I thought my life was over...

turns out Iowa has changed their laws in July on how long you can wait until you need to renew your driver's license. I checked mine out yesterday while shopping and it expired March 7....2008!!!!!!!!! So when I got home I read everything I could find online (and you know that everything online is gospel) and they all agreed that in Iowa if you're over a year expired you have to take the written test AND the driving test to get your license back. I had visions of not driving for weeks. It took me THREE tries to pass it when I was a teen trying to get my license! This can't be good.

James in all his ever-frustrating-to-me calmness told me to relax, don't worry about it, you don't know what will happen, etc. So this morning I called our county seat's driver's license place. And, the regulations changed...you now have 1 year PLUS another 60 days to renew without having to take any tests again!! Oh I am just overjoyed!!!! Lesson learned. Please check the expiration date on your driver's license!

I have to document this - Declan.

He stood up today (I was holding him under his armpits and he was between my legs as I was sitting in the chair)!!!!!!! But he actually placed both feet on the floor and beared weight on those little chunkers for like 20 seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go Declan!

Have you missed me?

I feel like I've missed myself. We were gone over the weekend to Wisconsin Dells for the annual Midwest RTS reunion. It was honestly the most fun I've had in a long time as we could just relax and let the kids swim (the pool was wonderful for little ones because you didn't have to be in there with them) while we talked with other groovy grownups who also have RTSweeties! It was good for us to see Caden in his element - around tons of people who embraced him and loved him for exactly who he is. We both said we were very proud of him. We realize now that he is an EXCELLENT communicator. School has been telling us this, telling us that Caden tries in EVERY possible way to communicate and does eventually get his point across. He's very interactive, very VERY sociable. It was just fun to observe him! And his RTS brothers and sisters? Ahhhhhhhhhhhdorable.

The weather here just stinks. Sure, the days are longer but there's no sunshine and it's windy and FREEZING - literally. Who's ready for spring with me? Doesn't help that I am nesting already and wanting to get a TON done. When it finally warms up I will be too big and uncomfortable to do anything. Harumph.

Today is the halfway point of the dating of this pregnancy. I am 20 weeks today. Hard to believe it's only been 5 weeks since we found out it was twins, and just 3 weeks since we found out about them both being girls. It's especially hard to believe when you see the amount of clothing I have already accumulated. Now, in my defense a LOT of it has been gifts...turns out I am not the only one who thinks shopping for identical twin girls sounds like fun!

On the mend!

I think the littles here are getting back to normal. Caden was retching over the garbage can at lunch (I can't even TELL you how proud I was of him for running to that when he thought he had to throw up, hooray!) but I think he again just ate too quickly and was too hungry to think about slowing down. He spit out some of his hot dog during that ordeal and when he went to put it back in his mouth it was MY turn to retch over the garbage can. Gracious kid, that was sick. But I need to figure out how to best communicate with school that he doesn't need to come home every time he vomits, especially when he throws up during eating times. I think it's some of the old reflux issues rearing their ugly heads. (Lynnae, I am very sorry for this entire vomituous paragraph. You're probably retching now, huh?)

Avery looks pretty pale but she's been the healthiest of the bunch really. Other than her sasspot mouth, nothing seems ill about her.

Declan is just plain fussy. I think he's over the pukes and over the big fever, but he is certainly not over being a grouch. Pretty certain it's teeth - I see at least 4 molars and a few other teeth poking through, not fun!

Today is our usual respite day (break for mommy) and "Grandma Jean" typically comes right before Caden gets off the bus. But today she's coming early and I'm excited to get out!

One, two, THREE strikes you're out!

Declan has a shirt from Baby Gap (no more comments on my shopping, tyvm) that says this. I really should have him wearing it today. No, he'd probably throw up on it.

Yes, that's right, I have not one, not two but THREE kids home sick today. Declan started on Saturday with a 103 fever, Sunday with vomiting. Avery threatened to vomit Sunday night but never did. I got at call at 12:30 today to come get Caden from Kindergarten because he'd thrown up all over. Excellent! And now Declan is sobbing in his crib because he's all out of sorts with naptime and all of that. I really don't feel like dealing with any of them today (there's that honesty again). But I will, mostly because no one else wants to and I really need us all healthy for this weekend - we're going to Wisconsin Dells to the annual Midwest RTS Reunion, exciting times!

If I had to be honest...

and I know this is always the best policy, I'd tell you that I am already shopping pink and subsequently hunting down the matching pieces to coordinate. So help me if a penis shows up on the next ultrasound. Shopping is my therapy. It is what helps me to focus and think and process and all of that. It may sound bizarre to some of you but it truly grounds me. Honesty again - I used to use shopping as a way to make myself feel better about things, anything. I would shop so that I could have nice things and feel better about myself. I shopped for all kinds of reasons, none of which had anything to do with me actually NEEDING stuff. But I have worked through that with some help and I am glad to say that I can still enjoy shopping without having it be something I'm addicted to. (Mt. Dew on the other hand is a totally different story.)

I am a pretty avid onliner. So I belong to several message boards, some huge, some very small. Some of my best friends I feel are online, people I've never met but I've already witnessed that they would do anything in their power to help me out and they pray for me and all of that. It's pretty neat. And then there are the huge message boards, where people don't get to know you as intimately but they have their advantages as well - namely the huge board I am on that is dedicated to Gymboree clothing. If you know me, you know I like that brand. But what's so awesome about this board is there's a huge Buy/Sell/Trade section and I get nearly 100% of my kids' clothes here at garage sale prices, yes, even including shipping. And it's so huge that I can buy one outfit for the twins that I love, then put up an ISO (In Search Of) for another of the same outfit and chances are, I will find it and get it, both for less than I might pay for one outfit at Wal-Mart. The thrill of the hunt is really what this board is about (plus there are some awesome gals there who do super sweet things for you) and I enjoy it! It's like a garage sale right on the screen, changing every minute.

I know people have asked me how I can afford Gymboree, etc. Truth be told, I can't afford Gymboree if you're talking about going in to the store and shopping from the racks. But who can't afford garage sales? Honestly, I can't afford to pass it up!

It's IDENTICAL twin GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or at least they are 99% sure, lol. After figuring out they were both girls, then they started looking for placentas. At my last u/s with them they said 2 placentas. Today - just one so the tech figured she didn't see it right last time. The perinatologist came and and looked - again, both girls and one placenta. I was praying for a girl and then to get two, hooray!!!! They do have separate sacs, but they said the membrane between them is "thin and flimsy". I have absolutely no idea what that means, or if that's good or bad, or how exactly they can tell they are identical already, but I figure a perinatologist knows what he's talking about! They are measuring nearly identically at this point, within an ounce of each other which is very good - twins who share one placenta often have more issues or could have more possible issues, so we'll be watching that closely (twin to twin transfusion is the biggest worry). Anatomically everything looks perfect and I am just excited now!! IDENTICAL TWIN GIRLS, omgoodness, I see oodles of matching Gymboree!!!!!!

I am completely sporadic with this thing lately.

I don't really forget so much as I don't have time. I have a feeling that is going to be my mantra starting in a few months. Or maybe blogging will be a welcome relief. I have no idea, trying not to think that far ahead.

Ok so guess what's exciting? Tomorrow morning at oh-dark-thirty we have our big ol ultrasound for these babies!! To be technical it's at 7:15, but that is early to me. My dad, bless his heart, is coming out here by 6:45 to stay with the kids and get Caden off to school for us while we're there. I would have had James just stay home and do all of it but he already missed the ultrasound where she told me we were having twins, he's NOT going to miss the one where they tell us what they are! If you ask Avery, it's one boy and one girl. She is ADAMANT about that. James and I really think it's one of each as well, or I think it *might* be two girls, but I'm just positive it's not two boys. Time will tell!

Oh and if you wanna know, call us or check back here. I am not paying $300 again. Nevah.

Our first clue as to how expensive twins can be

came in our online statement for our cell phone bills. Many of you know that we use cell phones exclusively, we do not have a landline/house phone at all. Which typically works out great. Typically. However, our usual phone bill is going to be $210 MORE than usual, payable in early March for, you guessed it, the dates over which we found out about the twins. So those of you who found out bright and early, we must think you're pretty worth it. Literally. Cha-ching.

A glimpse of Caden.

It's an interesting thing to get to know a child without verbal interaction. I've found it so easy to bond with Avery and get to know her deeply because of her talking with me. She jokes, she laughs, she tells me stories, she shares concerns, etc. It's profoundly difficult to feel like I really know who Caden is, but this morning while getting ready for school he and God gave me a huge smile.

I am not a morning mommy. Caden needs to be on the bus at 7:35 (a suburban that pulls right up the driveway and all I have to do is walk him out there and strap him into his carseat). I typically go in to get him out of his crib at 7:15 or so. Yeah so I enjoy chaos (I guess that's going to bode well for me in a few months). Lately Caden has been really balking at stopping his playtime with his RC train and coming to me to get boots, coat, hat, mittens on. He usually says "uh uh" when I tell him to come. Today we went through the same whole ordeal, I started requesting and he started "uh uh" refusing. We went through it a few more times until finally he turned to me and signed "sick". Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, you trickster!! I am not keeping you home from school because you alledge to be sick!! So I laughed, he smiled, I went over to him and did the usual, picked him up and started putting the coat on.

It was a really great moment.

Just trying to process, I think.

I haven't had a lot to say this week. Well, in truth I HAVE, but it's all somewhat negative. I'm not sure where to place the emotions I am having about the news of these precious gifts from God. I know that's what they are - gifts. But I can't help it, I'm a little miffed about it. To make a long story very short, I feel like God repeatedly gives us "something extra" with our kids (RTS, an extra baby, etc.) and I don't want it. I didn't want RTS but I'm stuck with it. I didn't want a 5th baby but I've got it. I know, there are plenty of people that want babies and can't have them and here I sit complaining because I get 2 at a time.

It's the same feelings I had with RTS. Do I think I can do it? Yes, I think I can. The problem lies within the fact that I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I feel like so very, very little of my life is in my control (and I know in my head it isn't, but let me explain). Funny thing is, when we decided to try for this pregnancy we decided that we were going to "give our fertility to God" and let Him decide if we should have more children. We were prayerful about it, we were sincere and forthright. I felt confident in that decision, and in the first month we were pregnant. So obviously God said yes! And all the while I said it was because I tried to take so much control of my own life and wasn't giving any control to God. Ironic that now I want so much control back? Perhaps...

Maybe it's a jealousy thing. I dunno. I see other people planning their lives and having their kids when they choose and their kids come out all fine and dandy and they are off to Kindergarten in proper time without IEPs and 1:1 aides and diapers. No, I don't know their stories intimately but it sure SEEMS like there's an uneven balance there. Thinking out loud really.

Ok, the more I write the more I realize I think this has a LOT to do with Caden's special needs and very little to do with the actual idea of twins. Twins should be exciting! And I'm not excited due in large part to the fact that my 6 year old is going through a horrific stage of hitting, scratching, pinching, and pulling hair, so much so that my 4 year old doesn't like to be near him. I am hyper-parenting him at all times, I cannot relax and enjoy life like I want to. I want to sit around and read about twins and how they grow and what a miracle they are, but I just...can't.

Yes, I do have an appointment with my therapist for next week, don't worry too much, lol. I just needed to get it out. I've already made some revelations in my head while writing this. Thanks for being part of our journey.

He's home!

His breathing still sounds atrocious, but he's doing much better. We brought Declan home late morning, and my parents kept Caden and Avery so we could take a long nap. Declan slept for 4 hours!! He's a happy boy and I'm glad he's home.

And as IF this week couldn't be any crazier

Declan is now in the hospital. He was admitted this morning after a follow-up appointment to his earlier appointments this week. His oxygen levels actually went DOWN (from Wed) after receiving the treatments we've been giving at home and he sounds really coarse, horrible cough, that kind of stuff. He doesn't have the flu, RSV or pneumonia. Our awesome dr actually isn't sure what he has exactly, but said it sounds like a bizarre virus. James is staying with him overnight while I have Caden and Avery here and in bed finally. I am headed to bed too, so we can go back in the morning and see how he is!

So now I've known for 24 hours

and I really thought I would feel better this morning. Fact is, I don't. I am overwhelmed. I told my friend Heather this morning that I was disappointed, and she assured me that it probably wasn't disappointment - rather, it was huge overwhelmingness (is that a word? I feel it, so it should be.). James is excited. He feels like God has doubly blessed us. I'd like to get there, but for now I am just "wow".

Yesterday I was in for a follow-up on Declan. I asked our dr what might be causing my discomfort - lots of pelvic floor pain and cramping in my uterus (now I know, it's called STRETCHING). He called for an ultrasound for me and it was scheduled for 12:15 already. Basically the tech put the probe on my stomach, smiled at me HUGE, and went to turn my screen on so I could see...I KNEW it (plus Avery's been saying all along that there were 2 babies in there). I said to her "Please don't tell me it's twins." and she said, "Do you want me to lie to you?" and I thought...um, kinda!!! Then she said, "I'm checking to make sure there's only 2" to which I replied, "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But there they were, 2 beating hearts, one at 160, one at 153.

I'd like to share the ultrasound pictures with you. I'll explain a little bit, but some are kind of difficult to see I realize. They tell me I'll have LOTS more ultrasounds and many more appointments so yes, we will be finding out the genders!!

Here's some looking down at them from "above" - the tops of their heads:


Baby A moved over a bit, you can see the profile:


Baby B's bottom, Baby A's head:


Baby A:


Baby B in upper left corner, baby A in lower right, all 4 hands between:


Baby A:


Stacked babies, here's B on top of A:

I thought 4 kids was going to be overwhelming...

no one told me that it'd actually be FIVE. Yes, I'm 15 weeks and just today found out that I am carrying TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! You haven't seen freaked until you've seen me today folks. God is good, yes He is, but dear heavens, He has a big sense of humor. Pics to follow later, but there are 100% 2 beating hearts inside my uterus and I'm not sure how good the sleep will be tonight.

Sorry I've been scarce!

Caden was recovering from strep throat, went back to school only to have school call his first day back because he vomited on their lunch trip to a pizza place. Lucky them! So he got to come home and stay home for the rest of the week. Lucky me! (Yes, both times that was sarcasm.)

Then we ended up going overnight for a weekend trip to Des Moines with my parents this weekend, which was a lot of fun. Caden and Avery (especially) really enjoyed the swimming and, while the sleeping arrangements did NOT work out we had a good time overall. Let's just say it's a good thing Declan will be staying home with grandpa and grandma when we go to Wisconsin for the RTS Midwest Reunion at the beginning of March, wow - hated the pool, hated to sleep in an unfamiliar place. Then he also came down with a nasty cold and is battling that now, so he's just grouchy all over. Which is quite funny, because today his new word is "happy"! He is anything BUT!