Letters to my children

A thought struck me the other night. I could use this blog to write periodic letters to my children - sort of an online baby book. Sometimes I want to remember what they're doing but I never seem to haul out that baby book and write it down. So I thought this might be a nice place to do that. Plus you get to read up on them and find out what makes them tick and you get to hear me gush. What could be better?

First goes my lastborn - Declan.

Dear baby, you are precious! Never have I experienced such a laid-back, contented baby. You are 7 months, and for the past couple of weeks you have been working on your bottom tooth. You love to suck your lips in while feeling it - it must feel very funny! You look like a little old man with no teeth when you suck your lips in like that.

On Tuesday, you said your first word. Mommy was getting ready to leave and Grandma Jean was holding you. I said "bye bye" to you and you paused, then said "dyyy dyyyyy!!!!" I would have second-guessed that you actually did say it, but Grandma Jean confirmed it - it was definite! You also waved with certainty last week Tuesday when she was here. You must really like her or something! Your wave is precious - you extend your whole arm and curl just your fingers in and out.

You are really getting the hang of grabbing toys too and love to spend time sitting up in your highchair playing with toys. Avery loves to collect the toys that drop on the floor which is very nice for mommy. Everything goes into your mouth, of course. Speaking of that, you don't do super great with the eating thing unless it's sweet things like fruit. Grandma Sue gave you some chocolate ice cream while we were camping on Avery's birthday last week but you weren't too sure about that. Today at lunch you sat in your highchair next to Avery sitting at the island and she fed you bites of her applesauce - it was too cute! Whenever she would take a bite and not offer you one your mouth would hang open, just waiting.

You're still rolling over only from your back to your front, but you don't get a lot of floor time to be honest. I found out on the first day of school for Caden (Aug 21) that you CAN sit up all by yourself, but you're not a big fan of it. You sleep very well for us, going down at the same time as Caden and Avery (6:45-7:00pm) and sleeping until 6:00-6:30am - which is perfect for mommy because she can feed you and get ready herself, then get Caden up to get on the bus by 7:30.

You got your first haircut on Saturday. You have beautiful hair, but it was SUPER LONG in some places. Underneath it was all the same length so mommy just cut off all the long stuff and boy, did it grow you up! You look handsome as ever.

Hugs and kisses Declan-boo! We love you to the moon and back and to the moon and back again and......

Avery started preschool this morning!

Yes, honest to goodness preschool for 4 year olds, not "preschool" where it's actually day care but it makes parents feel better to say preschool. She's doing big stuff. It's Monday and Wednesday morning from 9:00-11:30. She LOVED it. You have no idea how much my heart was soaring listening to her tell me all about it. It's bittersweet - I love hearing it from her, but wish so hard that Caden could do the same. But today is about Avery.

She painted. Luke brought snack. They sang Jesus Loves Me. They listened to a book. She saw the bathroom, but didn't have to use it. They did not, however, use her pouch of school supplies (glue, crayons, scissors, etc.), which evoked a minor foot stomping outside once we left.

I took all the pictures before session started. There's one of her outside by the sign, one of her hanging up her Dora backpack on her hook (that stinking backpack was the ONLY thing she has requested in her entire life...PTL that TJMaxx actually had one! It was so hard to find!!!), another of her getting her name tag pinned on her shirt (she found her own name immediately, very proud) and finally one of her with Miss Teresa (incidentally, I used to be the assistant teacher here so I know Teresa very well which makes it a lot of fun). Enjoy!!!

"Outdoorsing" again!

We were able to snag a couple of camping sites for this weekend (not an easy task, but we're good!!) but that means we had to pay for the site since Sunday. It's ok though, because we decided to head out there last night (Wed.) already and plan to stay out there through Monday...except of course here I am at home blogging on Thursday morning. hee hee And James is working and Caden has to be brought to school and all of that.

Speaking of Caden and being brought to school...there was an incident yesterday in the morning. I don't know details, but "for Caden's safety" he will either be moved to the back of the suburban (a total pain as we'd have to climb over other seats to get him buckled in) or possibly the route will be switched up so Caden isn't riding at the same time as another child. Please pray for this situation. I am bringing Caden to school for the rest of the week (started this morning) while it gets ironed out. Caden is FINE, wasn't hurt or anything, but his driver is a wonderful lady who wants the best for all, so she's working on it. I brought him this morning and met his 1:1 aide, Charon, who is another wonderful lady! We talked for a bit and things are going really well for all!

And guess whose birthday is on Saturday? Avery Sue will be 4!!!

Pictures of Caden's school bus departure

Here is Caden waiting for the bus, posing by the suburban he rides with his driver Diana (we LOVE her, she brings him to and from school) and in his carseat, ready to go!!

First day of Kindergarten - wow

Today was a rainy, dreary day, but I think Caden brought some serious sunshine into Madison Elementary. I just got off the phone from a 10 minute conversation with Caden's Kindergarten teacher and I am so elated. She called me to say that it couldn't have possibly gone any better. He was cooperative and friendly and just a peach!!! She told me the day started out with playtime and then they sat together as a group. Caden was making some noise (typical) and gaining some attention from his peers, so she decided to get right into it and tell them about Caden and how he communicates, how he's different from other kids. He heard his name and marched right up to the front of the room to stand with her while she talked about him. "Perfect", she said. I made up a Caden Dictionary with all the signs he knows, words he can say, signs he's made up and his 1:1 aide got that out when he was up front and he just signed away for them. The kids were blown away and were trying to learn them.

She's an experienced teacher which helps TREMENDOUSLY, but I am just incredibly touched that she called personally to talk about his day.

Caden stayed in the K classroom for the entire day. His 1:1 aide did take him out to try to use the potty once, but that's about it. Mrs. B (K teacher) did tell me that he got into another little boy's personal space by snuggling and the other little guy wasn't so appreciative, but they talked through that and got permission to tell Caden to move away, etc, so all is well. She also said there's at least one little girl who has taken Caden under her wing and is helping him out whenever and however she can. I love kids that age!

She said he totally brightened up her day and made many of the kids smile. She told the class that she thought the rain had stopped and they could go outside to play, and Caden clapped like mad! He went into the hallway to help staple up letters on the wall and loved being a helper. She also said I can send along the words to Caden's prayer and his 1:1 aide will help him say it before he eats, which THRILLS me. I didn't know if they could get in trouble for helping a child say a prayer in public school, but it's a total non-issue. She also assured me that nearly ALL the teachers at the school are Christians and they love him as such, which made my heart soar.

I'm impressed folks. I love it. Here I was, just a few days ago, thinking I could never send him, and here I am tonight after a phone call thinking - this is it God! This is exactly how I pictured it! You are so good!!!!!!!!!

Pics to follow.

Meet the teacher day

Today from 2:30-4:00 is Caden's Meet the Teacher time. We will have to go into 2 classrooms - his special education classroom to meet them and to bring his diapers and wipes in and then the Kindergarten classroom to meet that teacher and bring all his regular school supplies. It will be nice to have all that taken care of before school starts tomorrow.

I've told a few people - Caden's been a STINKER this past week or so and I honestly can say that I am ready for him to go to school. I have been praying that God would give me peace and make me want to send him and guess what? As always, God came through! Wasn't exactly how I pictured wanting him to go to school because I've wanted to pull my hair out, but oh well, it works.

I'm still not certain I'm ready for tomorrow at 7:30 when the bus comes, but I know I'll make it. My good friend Val is having me over for what I call a Boo-Hoo Party. It will take my mind off it and we'll get to hang out and have fun. I can't wait until I can go into the school and see how Caden spends his time. That's what I want to know the most I guess and that's probably pretty typical of any child going off to school - what are they DOING with him all that time??

Insensitive Hollywood....

I have read something tonight that makes my blood boil. It is found here:

http://slurpinglife.typepad.com/slurping_life/2008/08/once-upon-a-t-2.html

Read that, try to calm yourself enough to sign the petition, and pass it along to EVERYONE you know. PLEASE do not see this movie. Do not perpetuate this kind of hatred.

Petition: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/stopTropicThunder/?e

In a better mood now...

it's amazing what a little Dairy Queen will do for ya! I deleted an entire post here and no, you will not see it again. It was whiney and annoying, and it didn't need to be here. AND, it was also full of incorrect information (I love you Heather, but what are you smoking??).

Tonight was school registration for Caden. I went, paid a lot of money and now he's all signed up to go!

I am going to post an email that I just sent off to the RTS email list (all parents and family members of individuals with Caden's same syndrome) about how I am feeling on K. Please add your thoughts. I am really really struggling. The email is as follows:


I never thought this would be so hard. Caden has been going to ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education) at our local school for 3 years now. I have sent him off on the bus with a kiss and a wave and off he goes. He loves it. I loved it. Win, win.

But now this little man is entering Kindergarten. Never mind the fact that he looks at acts like a 2 year old. Never mind the fact that he is nowhere NEAR a 5 year old's capabilites. Just send him, right? Other parents do it all the time. He'll be fine.

I can say that to myself. I can post cute little inspirational sayings on my mirror and force myself to repeat them 100 times a day but it boils down to this - I'm scared (of what, I don't know for sure), I'm sad and I just don't want August 21 to come. I think part of it is the all day, every day thing. I mean, holy smack, that is going to be exhausting for him.

I'm at a loss. I really am. I am mustering all the courage I can and talking with him about it and I can tell he's getting excited about it, but I just want to keep this precious babe home with me for the rest of forever (and yes, I have thought about homeschooling him but it's simply not an option for many reasons). I love my other kids, don't get me wrong. But there is something passionate and fierce in the way I love my Caden. I can't explain it other than to say it feels like a piece of me is leaving home to go off to big school, and I am not taking it well. I want ALL OF ME at home.

Does this resonate with anyone else? How did you cope? I'm positive it will get easier as time marches on, but this waiting game is torturous.

Unexpected blessings

You know those times when you've been really down about life in general? When things just don't feel great overall but nothing you can do really seems to make it better? Well yeah, I've talked with you about my depression (I've increased my meds with my drs help and things are looking slightly up) so you kinda know. I've just been in a funk I guess. And seeing Kindergarten just days away for my precious firstborn is not helping matters. Especially when I now have the child who will be mainstreamed. I never imagined it. It's the grief process, starting all over again....

Today I got a phone call from a dear friend who also happens to go to our church and who also happens to have a child with special needs (mental illness but let me tell you friends, she "gets it"). We didn't talk for long - I haven't been chatty lately and she cut right to the chase. She volunteered her services from now until whenever to be Caden's 1:1 aide for Sunday School at church. This may not seem like a huge deal, but James and I have considered not putting Caden in Sunday School because it's always such a chore to ask someone to be there with him, help focus his attention, the list goes on. I'm crying again writing this...I really didn't have the words to say thank you, you have no idea what a gift from God this phone call was. But if ever there has been a time this week where the hand of God reached right out and gave me a hug, here it was. Thank you. You know who you are and I love you.

Home sweet home.

I think our kids are thinking that. Today we are finally home. Currently everyone is doing their favorite thing - I am on the computer, James is sleeping on the couch, Avery is sitting on said couch watching Noggin (Max and Ruby, someone needs to smack those bossy bunnies), Caden is spinning in his jumper and Declan is sleeping peacefully for the first time in a long time. AND. We're in air conditioning and not outside. It is SO HOT here today. With heat index it's like 108 degrees. Not fun. But we did have a great time!

Goin' camping

I guess you can't really call it camping. I told my friend Kim that we should call it "outdoorsing" because we spend lots of time outside but the actual sleeping part is pretty cush. We share a camper with my brother and his wife and their family and it's very nice, indoor plumbing and the whole works. No tents for us, no way. I personally think there's just a little bit of insanity involved with people who tent camp with small children. I mean, I love you if you do it but you gotta admit you must love punishment or something. I love me my microwave for nuking those 5am bottles I shouldn't be nuking, that sorta stuff.

We brought the camper out last night to the site (right next to my parents and brother) and we'll be sleeping there all the way through to the 3rd of August! Pretty exciting stuff. On Tuesday we'll be going out on a boat all day with the whole family.....oh CRAP I still need to find somewhere for Declan to go that day!!!!!!!!!!!! Bye!!!

Edit - just called my wonderful mother in law and Declan has a home for Tuesday, yay!! Thank you!!!

I can't SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I swear, if I have to hear that ONE MORE TIME from Avery I might just flip out. She likes to sit on the couch to watch tv. (Yes, my children watch tv. Some days they watch HOURS of tv. Deal with it.) Guess where Caden likes to stand? You guessed it, Mr. Antagonizer likes to stand directly between the couch and tv, right in her line of sight. And instead of asking him politely to move, Avery says, in a big whiney voice (something she might have learned from tv, hmmm), "I can't SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Glory be child. You'll live.

And Declan's 6 month pics

You can find them here: http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/ThumbAccess.aspx?e=3955938

password: declan

Isn't he the cutest??? And yes, he is usually that smiley and laid back. I ADORE this baby!

Postpartum or just depression?

Lots of you know I am a depression gal. Yeah, if you just knew me you'd think I was pulling your leg at that in my usual way but no, it's true. I struggle with it a lot.

I have bipolar disorder, diagnosed a few years ago when I couldn't explain why I yelled at a complete stranger in the street one day. Of course there were a few other things happening as well. A good psychiatrist saw what was happening and helped me piece it all together. I've been on meds for bipolar ever since (we won't talk about my one little stint of going off meds because I thought I was doing so well, but I have promised that will never happen again, and it won't).

But lately, I'm sad again. I'm not feeling the highs/lows of bipolar, just sad. Very sad. The kind of sad where it takes an effort to smile. I have talked to my doctor about it and we are working on some increase of meds - hateful that meds take so long to kick in. So we'll let it ride. I'm sharing because prayer can only help. I'm sharing so that depression isn't the untalked-about epidemic in our society.

Is the first pic not working for anyone else?

If you can't see it, you can just go here:
http://beacon.schneidercorp.com/Application.aspx?AppID=25&LayerID=152&PageTypeID=4&PageID=259&Q=776444619&KeyValue=0131100015

The promised pictures!

I'm impressing you lately, aren't I? :)


Here's a picture that was taken before we even bought the house I think. It looks like there's a walkway of sorts to the front porch that I never remember being there when we moved in (1998). I got this off an appraisal website. BTW, I've heard that http://www.zillow.com/ is pretty neat if you want to check out properties, what people paid, etc. Good for us nosy folks. I used one specific to Iowa though.












The second pics were taken just a few days ago. I took the first one from the same angle as the original pic I think, but then it was too big to fit in so I backed up and took another. Forgive the messy, trashed front yard. You can see the work that needs to be done - front porch finished up, more siding put on, etc. The only way you can tell it's the "same house" is the front door and that stinkin' bay window. HATE that thing, but it was too expensive to replace, so it's gonna stay. We're going to build it up different....someday.

So I told you about waiting for the house appraisal...

It came back today. $200,000!!! WOOOOO FLIPPING HOOOOOOOO!! So now we finalize and get the money and pay back all the wonderful people who helped this happen (mainly my parents, God bless them for waiting so long). So this house is considered "done". How weird does that feel after 3.5 years of non-stop working? It's so amazing to think of what's been accomplished though. Amazing. Pics to follow soon.

Twice in one day!

Our family pictures are now online. Check them out at: http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/thumbpage.aspx?r=1&e=3939560

password is: family

We chose the very first one as the pic of our kids and the 9th as the pic of our family.

I see how it is.

You all harass me about not blogging, so I do and then NO ONE comments. Phooey on you.

In all seriousness, I assume it's because you think you have another 2 weeks before I'll check back again, right? Surprised ya!!

Right now I have 8 children in my home. It's crazy, but lots of fun!

HOLY SMACK, has it been that long?

I tell you, I keep forgetting about this place. My poor neglected blog. Maybe it's a good thing I DON'T get paid to blog or we'd be pretty destitute!

Things here are good overall. We've been enjoying summer and I just can't believe how fast it's going! Caden and Avery are enjoying bickering with each other all day long which is oh so fun for mommy. James and I were just talking about that last night. I think Caden "brings out the worst" in Avery in some respects. She is capable of being sweeter and asking nicer and being more mature, but she sees Caden "be allowed" to be immature and whine for things instead of ask (partly because he just does that, partly because we allow it too much) so she follows suit. It's frustrating, and sometimes I feel bad asking her to check her manners every few seconds, but she has got quite the attitude if left unchecked. Caden is sweet as pie but man, he can be a pushy little dude. I've asked several people this about Avery - how do you punish a nasty tone of voice? Seriously, that child can ask you for something with a "PLEASE" that would knock you over it's so testy. I suppose she gets that from her animated mama. Oops!

Declan. What's not to love? He is seriously the sweetest, biggest baby ever. Ok maybe not the biggest, but he IS the sweetest. He's big though too. Probably 20 pounds now and he'll be 6 months on the 17th. SO different from my first two. He has rolled over a few times but nothing much yet. He of course rolled over for my parents on the 27th of June when they had him overnight.

He was there overnight and Caden and Ave were at James' parents overnight because the 27th was our 10th wedding anniversary! So James and I went overnight to Des Moines. We had a great time and it was fun to be carefree for a while. It lasted until the next morning when we met James' parents and our kids (sans Declan) at Adventureland, a local amusement park for the day. We found out that Caden, our master spinner, doesn't like rides. Go figure! And Avery, our cautious-of-everything worrier, loves them. GO FIGURE!

This morning at 9am is our house appraisal. I found out about it only yesterday at around 11am so needless to say yesterday was a whirlwind of feined cleanliness. It was good for me to see how much I CAN get accomplished instead of sitting at the computer (yes I know, you'd think if I am on here all the time I could at least update my blog every week or so, I hear you). James got home late last night and then he had the audacity to sit around and read books to the kids while I kept working. And I had only told him about 10 times during the day that when he got home he was going to be work work working! So I was tempted to be rrrrrrrrrrreally grumpy with him. I muttered to myself, "Yeah, he isn't going to do a dang thing for this appraisal" and God smacked me with reality - Honey, he's done 3.5 years worth of work ON THE HOUSE for this appraisal to even be happening! So true. Sorry James. I didn't mean to be a grump with you. Our last house appraisal (before THE ADDITION started) was 80,000 for the house and land. We shall see.....