You take the good with the bad!

No, I'm not talking about the facts of life. I'm talking about developmental milestones. They are wonderful little marvels to brag about and enjoy experiencing with each new child, but they are also intrusions into life as you know it.

Take today for example. Declan is now quite adept at getting from a laying position to a sitting position (it only took 14 months). Problem is, now he sits up in his crib instead of napping. Hey, isn't seeing the world from a sitting position more fun? He thinks so. He's been in there for nearly 1.5 hours and is still just talking away. He NEEDS to sleep, but I suppose I'll get to enjoy that later, around suppertime when he's a total bear to handle. He is growing increasingly frustrated at not being able to crawl around, but I think moving to the sitting position has built up confidence in him.

I told James around the 1st of March that Declan would crawl "this month". Well, unless he really gets a move on today and tomorrow that is unlikely. Wait, he's probably crawling all over in his crib right now and I have no idea!

And now onto my next random thought - decorating. I need some help with something. I got this beautiful mirror and thingys (are they sconces? I don't know what they're called but they hold candles I think - so candle holders? I'm clueless.) at a garage sale this past summer. James finally hauled out his tools and put them up for me:

Very nice above our fake fireplace (though last summer's appraiser listed that we indeed had a fireplace...I'm not sure where he received his credentials) but I'm wondering a few things. First, should I take the mirror out and paint them a bolder color? They seem really bland on that light tan wall. I don't feel like painting it but I would. Also, I am ordering red/white checked curtains for the windows (there are windows equally spaced on either side of the fireplace) so maybe that'll make this pop more. Also, what the heck do I stick on the candle holders? Before you laugh and shout out the obvious, keep in mind that these holders are curved throughout, so flat-bottomed candles won't work. I was thinking of some spheres that have greenery hanging down from them but again, where on earth to get them? Any ideas??

Edited to add a pic of the curtains I'm ordering:

Another ultrasound this morning!

Things look very good in there. It's just amazing to see what God is creating, changing every time! Today both twins are head down (hooray!) but through the course of the ultrasound they moved a ton, so head down was a matter of that moment in time. They are busy little girls! The perinatologist agreed that there has only ever been one placenta and everything still strong points to identical twins. I had to have my cervix length checked (it SOUNDS a lot worse than it is) and for those of you who might know, it was nearly 5cm (anything over 2.5cm is good, so again, hooray!). Baby A still has the 2 vessel cord but it doesn't sound like anything to be concerned about. They were laying so so so so close to each other, you could see they were both girls in one frame! The tech said that doesn't happen too often. Also wanted to add that I am 22 weeks today!

In other news, just before I came over to blog Declan was rolling around, and when I looked over at him a few minutes later he was sitting up! Yay! He's spending more time standing up too (with us holding him of course) and getting stronger with stuff like that. Still likes to scream and shriek and is very "talky".

Not much new to report with Caden or Avery. They seem to be just plugging along.

Kids and heaven

We've been talking recently around here about heaven. It makes sense, as James' grandpa (our kids' Opa) passed away at midnight last night (we will miss you Opa, we love how you loved kids), but interestingly enough, the first questions about heaven came in the car one day from Avery. Avery told me that she wanted Jesus to come to our house so she could give him a hug. I told her that wasn't the way Jesus came to us now, but he used to in the days of the Bible. That seemed to be ok with her, but she wanted to know where Jesus was if he wasn't able to come to our house...I mean, isn't he everywhere?? I tried to explain that he was in heaven but he also lives in our hearts, and again, that seemed to pacify her, but I could tell she wasn't satisfied completely.

Last night over our McDonald's dinner (hey, it's the only "meat" Declan will eat) we talked to the kids about how Opa was not going to live here on earth anymore. We told them that his body was very sick and that very soon, his body wouldn't be strong enough to stay here. God would choose the time and God would choose how it all happened, so we didn't need to worry about it. Avery insisted on going to make him feel better so that he would start to eat again and get well. We told her it didn't work that way, when God chooses for someone to die they will die, it's not up to us and there's nothing we can do.

This afternoon it came full circle. I told the kids this morning when we woke up that Opa had died. Several hours later, just a few minutes ago, Avery told me that Jesus was going to give OPA a hug, that's how it worked.

It's always amazing to me how God works in their hearts...to give us glimpses of him, to answer any lingering questions or doubts we may have, and to show us that children truly understand more than we even imagine.

So I thought my life was over...

turns out Iowa has changed their laws in July on how long you can wait until you need to renew your driver's license. I checked mine out yesterday while shopping and it expired March 7....2008!!!!!!!!! So when I got home I read everything I could find online (and you know that everything online is gospel) and they all agreed that in Iowa if you're over a year expired you have to take the written test AND the driving test to get your license back. I had visions of not driving for weeks. It took me THREE tries to pass it when I was a teen trying to get my license! This can't be good.

James in all his ever-frustrating-to-me calmness told me to relax, don't worry about it, you don't know what will happen, etc. So this morning I called our county seat's driver's license place. And, the regulations changed...you now have 1 year PLUS another 60 days to renew without having to take any tests again!! Oh I am just overjoyed!!!! Lesson learned. Please check the expiration date on your driver's license!

I have to document this - Declan.

He stood up today (I was holding him under his armpits and he was between my legs as I was sitting in the chair)!!!!!!! But he actually placed both feet on the floor and beared weight on those little chunkers for like 20 seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go Declan!

Have you missed me?

I feel like I've missed myself. We were gone over the weekend to Wisconsin Dells for the annual Midwest RTS reunion. It was honestly the most fun I've had in a long time as we could just relax and let the kids swim (the pool was wonderful for little ones because you didn't have to be in there with them) while we talked with other groovy grownups who also have RTSweeties! It was good for us to see Caden in his element - around tons of people who embraced him and loved him for exactly who he is. We both said we were very proud of him. We realize now that he is an EXCELLENT communicator. School has been telling us this, telling us that Caden tries in EVERY possible way to communicate and does eventually get his point across. He's very interactive, very VERY sociable. It was just fun to observe him! And his RTS brothers and sisters? Ahhhhhhhhhhhdorable.

The weather here just stinks. Sure, the days are longer but there's no sunshine and it's windy and FREEZING - literally. Who's ready for spring with me? Doesn't help that I am nesting already and wanting to get a TON done. When it finally warms up I will be too big and uncomfortable to do anything. Harumph.

Today is the halfway point of the dating of this pregnancy. I am 20 weeks today. Hard to believe it's only been 5 weeks since we found out it was twins, and just 3 weeks since we found out about them both being girls. It's especially hard to believe when you see the amount of clothing I have already accumulated. Now, in my defense a LOT of it has been gifts...turns out I am not the only one who thinks shopping for identical twin girls sounds like fun!

On the mend!

I think the littles here are getting back to normal. Caden was retching over the garbage can at lunch (I can't even TELL you how proud I was of him for running to that when he thought he had to throw up, hooray!) but I think he again just ate too quickly and was too hungry to think about slowing down. He spit out some of his hot dog during that ordeal and when he went to put it back in his mouth it was MY turn to retch over the garbage can. Gracious kid, that was sick. But I need to figure out how to best communicate with school that he doesn't need to come home every time he vomits, especially when he throws up during eating times. I think it's some of the old reflux issues rearing their ugly heads. (Lynnae, I am very sorry for this entire vomituous paragraph. You're probably retching now, huh?)

Avery looks pretty pale but she's been the healthiest of the bunch really. Other than her sasspot mouth, nothing seems ill about her.

Declan is just plain fussy. I think he's over the pukes and over the big fever, but he is certainly not over being a grouch. Pretty certain it's teeth - I see at least 4 molars and a few other teeth poking through, not fun!

Today is our usual respite day (break for mommy) and "Grandma Jean" typically comes right before Caden gets off the bus. But today she's coming early and I'm excited to get out!

One, two, THREE strikes you're out!

Declan has a shirt from Baby Gap (no more comments on my shopping, tyvm) that says this. I really should have him wearing it today. No, he'd probably throw up on it.

Yes, that's right, I have not one, not two but THREE kids home sick today. Declan started on Saturday with a 103 fever, Sunday with vomiting. Avery threatened to vomit Sunday night but never did. I got at call at 12:30 today to come get Caden from Kindergarten because he'd thrown up all over. Excellent! And now Declan is sobbing in his crib because he's all out of sorts with naptime and all of that. I really don't feel like dealing with any of them today (there's that honesty again). But I will, mostly because no one else wants to and I really need us all healthy for this weekend - we're going to Wisconsin Dells to the annual Midwest RTS Reunion, exciting times!

If I had to be honest...

and I know this is always the best policy, I'd tell you that I am already shopping pink and subsequently hunting down the matching pieces to coordinate. So help me if a penis shows up on the next ultrasound. Shopping is my therapy. It is what helps me to focus and think and process and all of that. It may sound bizarre to some of you but it truly grounds me. Honesty again - I used to use shopping as a way to make myself feel better about things, anything. I would shop so that I could have nice things and feel better about myself. I shopped for all kinds of reasons, none of which had anything to do with me actually NEEDING stuff. But I have worked through that with some help and I am glad to say that I can still enjoy shopping without having it be something I'm addicted to. (Mt. Dew on the other hand is a totally different story.)

I am a pretty avid onliner. So I belong to several message boards, some huge, some very small. Some of my best friends I feel are online, people I've never met but I've already witnessed that they would do anything in their power to help me out and they pray for me and all of that. It's pretty neat. And then there are the huge message boards, where people don't get to know you as intimately but they have their advantages as well - namely the huge board I am on that is dedicated to Gymboree clothing. If you know me, you know I like that brand. But what's so awesome about this board is there's a huge Buy/Sell/Trade section and I get nearly 100% of my kids' clothes here at garage sale prices, yes, even including shipping. And it's so huge that I can buy one outfit for the twins that I love, then put up an ISO (In Search Of) for another of the same outfit and chances are, I will find it and get it, both for less than I might pay for one outfit at Wal-Mart. The thrill of the hunt is really what this board is about (plus there are some awesome gals there who do super sweet things for you) and I enjoy it! It's like a garage sale right on the screen, changing every minute.

I know people have asked me how I can afford Gymboree, etc. Truth be told, I can't afford Gymboree if you're talking about going in to the store and shopping from the racks. But who can't afford garage sales? Honestly, I can't afford to pass it up!

It's IDENTICAL twin GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or at least they are 99% sure, lol. After figuring out they were both girls, then they started looking for placentas. At my last u/s with them they said 2 placentas. Today - just one so the tech figured she didn't see it right last time. The perinatologist came and and looked - again, both girls and one placenta. I was praying for a girl and then to get two, hooray!!!! They do have separate sacs, but they said the membrane between them is "thin and flimsy". I have absolutely no idea what that means, or if that's good or bad, or how exactly they can tell they are identical already, but I figure a perinatologist knows what he's talking about! They are measuring nearly identically at this point, within an ounce of each other which is very good - twins who share one placenta often have more issues or could have more possible issues, so we'll be watching that closely (twin to twin transfusion is the biggest worry). Anatomically everything looks perfect and I am just excited now!! IDENTICAL TWIN GIRLS, omgoodness, I see oodles of matching Gymboree!!!!!!

I am completely sporadic with this thing lately.

I don't really forget so much as I don't have time. I have a feeling that is going to be my mantra starting in a few months. Or maybe blogging will be a welcome relief. I have no idea, trying not to think that far ahead.

Ok so guess what's exciting? Tomorrow morning at oh-dark-thirty we have our big ol ultrasound for these babies!! To be technical it's at 7:15, but that is early to me. My dad, bless his heart, is coming out here by 6:45 to stay with the kids and get Caden off to school for us while we're there. I would have had James just stay home and do all of it but he already missed the ultrasound where she told me we were having twins, he's NOT going to miss the one where they tell us what they are! If you ask Avery, it's one boy and one girl. She is ADAMANT about that. James and I really think it's one of each as well, or I think it *might* be two girls, but I'm just positive it's not two boys. Time will tell!

Oh and if you wanna know, call us or check back here. I am not paying $300 again. Nevah.

Our first clue as to how expensive twins can be

came in our online statement for our cell phone bills. Many of you know that we use cell phones exclusively, we do not have a landline/house phone at all. Which typically works out great. Typically. However, our usual phone bill is going to be $210 MORE than usual, payable in early March for, you guessed it, the dates over which we found out about the twins. So those of you who found out bright and early, we must think you're pretty worth it. Literally. Cha-ching.

A glimpse of Caden.

It's an interesting thing to get to know a child without verbal interaction. I've found it so easy to bond with Avery and get to know her deeply because of her talking with me. She jokes, she laughs, she tells me stories, she shares concerns, etc. It's profoundly difficult to feel like I really know who Caden is, but this morning while getting ready for school he and God gave me a huge smile.

I am not a morning mommy. Caden needs to be on the bus at 7:35 (a suburban that pulls right up the driveway and all I have to do is walk him out there and strap him into his carseat). I typically go in to get him out of his crib at 7:15 or so. Yeah so I enjoy chaos (I guess that's going to bode well for me in a few months). Lately Caden has been really balking at stopping his playtime with his RC train and coming to me to get boots, coat, hat, mittens on. He usually says "uh uh" when I tell him to come. Today we went through the same whole ordeal, I started requesting and he started "uh uh" refusing. We went through it a few more times until finally he turned to me and signed "sick". Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, you trickster!! I am not keeping you home from school because you alledge to be sick!! So I laughed, he smiled, I went over to him and did the usual, picked him up and started putting the coat on.

It was a really great moment.

Just trying to process, I think.

I haven't had a lot to say this week. Well, in truth I HAVE, but it's all somewhat negative. I'm not sure where to place the emotions I am having about the news of these precious gifts from God. I know that's what they are - gifts. But I can't help it, I'm a little miffed about it. To make a long story very short, I feel like God repeatedly gives us "something extra" with our kids (RTS, an extra baby, etc.) and I don't want it. I didn't want RTS but I'm stuck with it. I didn't want a 5th baby but I've got it. I know, there are plenty of people that want babies and can't have them and here I sit complaining because I get 2 at a time.

It's the same feelings I had with RTS. Do I think I can do it? Yes, I think I can. The problem lies within the fact that I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I feel like so very, very little of my life is in my control (and I know in my head it isn't, but let me explain). Funny thing is, when we decided to try for this pregnancy we decided that we were going to "give our fertility to God" and let Him decide if we should have more children. We were prayerful about it, we were sincere and forthright. I felt confident in that decision, and in the first month we were pregnant. So obviously God said yes! And all the while I said it was because I tried to take so much control of my own life and wasn't giving any control to God. Ironic that now I want so much control back? Perhaps...

Maybe it's a jealousy thing. I dunno. I see other people planning their lives and having their kids when they choose and their kids come out all fine and dandy and they are off to Kindergarten in proper time without IEPs and 1:1 aides and diapers. No, I don't know their stories intimately but it sure SEEMS like there's an uneven balance there. Thinking out loud really.

Ok, the more I write the more I realize I think this has a LOT to do with Caden's special needs and very little to do with the actual idea of twins. Twins should be exciting! And I'm not excited due in large part to the fact that my 6 year old is going through a horrific stage of hitting, scratching, pinching, and pulling hair, so much so that my 4 year old doesn't like to be near him. I am hyper-parenting him at all times, I cannot relax and enjoy life like I want to. I want to sit around and read about twins and how they grow and what a miracle they are, but I just...can't.

Yes, I do have an appointment with my therapist for next week, don't worry too much, lol. I just needed to get it out. I've already made some revelations in my head while writing this. Thanks for being part of our journey.

He's home!

His breathing still sounds atrocious, but he's doing much better. We brought Declan home late morning, and my parents kept Caden and Avery so we could take a long nap. Declan slept for 4 hours!! He's a happy boy and I'm glad he's home.

And as IF this week couldn't be any crazier

Declan is now in the hospital. He was admitted this morning after a follow-up appointment to his earlier appointments this week. His oxygen levels actually went DOWN (from Wed) after receiving the treatments we've been giving at home and he sounds really coarse, horrible cough, that kind of stuff. He doesn't have the flu, RSV or pneumonia. Our awesome dr actually isn't sure what he has exactly, but said it sounds like a bizarre virus. James is staying with him overnight while I have Caden and Avery here and in bed finally. I am headed to bed too, so we can go back in the morning and see how he is!

So now I've known for 24 hours

and I really thought I would feel better this morning. Fact is, I don't. I am overwhelmed. I told my friend Heather this morning that I was disappointed, and she assured me that it probably wasn't disappointment - rather, it was huge overwhelmingness (is that a word? I feel it, so it should be.). James is excited. He feels like God has doubly blessed us. I'd like to get there, but for now I am just "wow".

Yesterday I was in for a follow-up on Declan. I asked our dr what might be causing my discomfort - lots of pelvic floor pain and cramping in my uterus (now I know, it's called STRETCHING). He called for an ultrasound for me and it was scheduled for 12:15 already. Basically the tech put the probe on my stomach, smiled at me HUGE, and went to turn my screen on so I could see...I KNEW it (plus Avery's been saying all along that there were 2 babies in there). I said to her "Please don't tell me it's twins." and she said, "Do you want me to lie to you?" and I thought...um, kinda!!! Then she said, "I'm checking to make sure there's only 2" to which I replied, "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But there they were, 2 beating hearts, one at 160, one at 153.

I'd like to share the ultrasound pictures with you. I'll explain a little bit, but some are kind of difficult to see I realize. They tell me I'll have LOTS more ultrasounds and many more appointments so yes, we will be finding out the genders!!

Here's some looking down at them from "above" - the tops of their heads:


Baby A moved over a bit, you can see the profile:


Baby B's bottom, Baby A's head:


Baby A:


Baby B in upper left corner, baby A in lower right, all 4 hands between:


Baby A:


Stacked babies, here's B on top of A:

I thought 4 kids was going to be overwhelming...

no one told me that it'd actually be FIVE. Yes, I'm 15 weeks and just today found out that I am carrying TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!! You haven't seen freaked until you've seen me today folks. God is good, yes He is, but dear heavens, He has a big sense of humor. Pics to follow later, but there are 100% 2 beating hearts inside my uterus and I'm not sure how good the sleep will be tonight.

Sorry I've been scarce!

Caden was recovering from strep throat, went back to school only to have school call his first day back because he vomited on their lunch trip to a pizza place. Lucky them! So he got to come home and stay home for the rest of the week. Lucky me! (Yes, both times that was sarcasm.)

Then we ended up going overnight for a weekend trip to Des Moines with my parents this weekend, which was a lot of fun. Caden and Avery (especially) really enjoyed the swimming and, while the sleeping arrangements did NOT work out we had a good time overall. Let's just say it's a good thing Declan will be staying home with grandpa and grandma when we go to Wisconsin for the RTS Midwest Reunion at the beginning of March, wow - hated the pool, hated to sleep in an unfamiliar place. Then he also came down with a nasty cold and is battling that now, so he's just grouchy all over. Which is quite funny, because today his new word is "happy"! He is anything BUT!

Concerns about Caden = STREP THROAT!

Of ALL things, strep throat. Sure, he brought a note home from the nurse last week that he'd been exposed but I tossed it. Caden doesn't get the normal stuff like strep throat and he'd been acting so weird I assumed tumor or something, honestly I did, I was really worried. But it's starting to add up - cranky, tired, being mean to people (I hurt, you hurt). Strep throat, who'd have thought??

He was scheduled to see our doctor tomorrow morning at 11:15, but at noon school called me to come get him. He didn't eat lunch, had a low grade temperature and wasn't acting himself. I took him home and he was falling asleep sitting on my lap and then it happened - I stood him up from my lap (was playing Candyland with Avery with one arm, Caden in the other arm, on the FLOOR in my pregnant state, not cool) and he promptly fell down. I pretty much felt my heart drop into my butt (line stolen from my favorite movie "Mean Girls") and I called the dr to see if they could get us in. They did, so we hauled over to the clinic and our wonderful dr checked him over and found the nasty throat nearly immediately. So no pokes for Caden! No CAT scans, no MRI or even x-rays...just a nasty throat swab which came back positive for strep in seconds.

I've been asking God for some more normal in our lives. I've really been struggling with Caden's differences, having a hard time that he is so vastly different from other 6 year olds. God came through, as always. It's strep throat. About as typical as a kid can get.

Bella is with Jesus.

I posted about little Bella a few days back. Last night she went to be with Jesus. Please keep her family in your prayers, as well as the RTS community. Losses like this are just plain hard, no matter if we "knew her" or not.

Concerned about Caden.

I just got off the phone with his 1:1 aide from school (on a Sunday night no less, she called me back, she is a TRUE GEM of a person). Last weekend and a few days previous Caden had a bit of a tummy issue, throwing up a few times over the course of 3-4 days. He never quite got over that, or at least never came back around fully. What we notice at home is that he is VERY tired, going to bed eagerly by 6pm some nights, then sleeping until 7:15 and refusing to stand up out of his crib and get ready for school. Normally he is hollering in his crib from 6:50am on, but this week he won't stand up, just wants to stay laying down and covered up. I mean, I liken that to being like his mommy in the mornings, but it's SO unlike Caden. He has also nearly fallen asleep at school, in the 100th day of school party at Kindergarten no less! He is also very irritable at home, downright defiant and aggressive at times. At school they're saying that he's increasingly loud and getting louder. To me, almost like he's trying to tell them something but can't convey it like he wants to, so he just gets louder instead of more articulate, which makes sense. He is also very pale, and his aide noted they have commented on that as well. I know, now you're thinking "anemia" and I have gone there, too, but I've also of course looked up things like HUS and now am slightly more concerned. (I might note here that I also looked up Rubinstein Taybi Syndrome over 6 years ago, alone at home with my newborn son and fell apart for hours, so sometimes the internet gets me into trouble.) I think it's definitely time for a call to his doctor in the morning. I know that is going to mean a CBC and other pokes for him, but it's time for some answers as to what's bothering him. He is not himself, and many of us are concerned about him.

I am testing something.

For some reason, nothing will refresh on this blog until I post something new, which just simply ANNOYS me. So I am simply posting this so all the other blogs on the side will update and I can see what's new today.

Anyone who uses blogspot have any suggestions as to why this happens??

Please pray for little Bella!

Bella has RTS. She will be 2 on Feb 16. She is VERY sick and needs our prayers. Go to Gena's blog (Frankie's mom) over to the left under "My RTS Family" and read the updates about Bella. Her mom Monica could use the prayers as well.

Father God, we lift before you precious Bella. We know you are in control, and we pray for you to watch over and protect her and her family. Her future is so uncertain, Lord - she's "here" but yet she's somewhere else inside her body. Please, work a miracle and bring her back to her mom! It's hard to understand things like this. Please grant Monica strength as she needs to make some huge decisions about Bella's future. Give her calm and insight. We know you love her Lord. Please grant everyone what they stand in need of during this time. It's so hard. Amen

A good appointment day!

You're thinking Caden, aren't you? Actually, several years ago you might have been correct, but today was about Declan and me/baby!

I had my first prenatal checkup this afternoon, and Declan tagged along for his 1 year well child checkup after that. In a nutshell, things are going well for the precious little one inside of me and for myself! We did a lot of talking about my meds for my bipolar, OCD and anxiety but we feel good about how things were handled with Declan and will go that route again. We will, of course, taper off the Zoloft when we get closer to delivery time so as not to cause some of the issues that Declan had immediately after birth, but that's all stuff we don't need to worry about yet. My blood pressure and all of that was just fine. I'm 100% positively pregnant, confirmed by a sweet little whoosing sound on doppler of 156 beats per minute. The sound of the baby's heartbeat would go in and out, and I felt him/her moving like crazy during the whole ordeal, so it doesn't suprise me that the sounds varied a bit. I am 13 weeks today, and things are looking wonderful!

Then we moved on to little D. He's 29 inches long and 25 pounds big, to which I say he is "short, fat and proud of that", just like sweet little Winnie the Pooh! And sweet he is - he just sat in his stroller through my entire 1 hour appointment, no toys, no snacks, nothing...AND it was during his naptime! He fussed a couple of times but wow. Declan is really doing well. The dr called him "gross motor delayed", but that comes as a shock and concern to no one because my dad didn't walk until he was 22 months, I didn't walk until I was 19 months and Avery didn't walk until she was 19 months! So we're laid back and chilling. Works for me! Declan does have some issues with excema and with yeast infections, so we got some creams for that. He also had to have 2 shots which he sobbed for, but a little snuggle from mommy brought him right back around. Then he had to give 2 small vials of blood from a finger poke, to which he didn't even CRY about, not one whimper.

Dear Lord, PLEASE let baby #4 be as docile as Declan. If s/he isn't, I fully blame James. Amen.

Happy 1st Birthday Declan!!!!

You are truly a ray of sunshine in our lives. Today we remember that cold day you were born, and how you scared us at first, but how you rallied and came around and finally cried! You are so easy-going, laid back and loveable. I don't know what I did before you or how you managed to warm my heart so completely, but you are truly wonderful. Here's some pictures to share of you through the past 12 months. You're such a cutie pie!!! Happy Birthday sweet boy, we love you!!!!!

Going home from the hospital:


A few months old here:

I should have known it was too good to be true.

First, it was too good to be true that Caden only threw up the one time. Second, it was too good to be true that my kids let me sleep until nearly 9am - it should have been my first clue that something was wrong. And sure enough, walking into Caden and Declan's room I see it: Caden is covered in puke once again. God's blessing was that there is no school today due to the extreme cold, so I didn't have to worry about calling him in or anything.

Long stories made short, Avery has been crying off and on due to tummy cramps for over 24 hours now. We're pushing the clear liquids and hoping she comes around, but as of today she's still upset and hurting. Caden is back to puking, and Declan just thinks he needs to add to the din by crying a lot. James is on his way home, but not simply because I am stressed and need the help...

He's headed home because our furnace quit working this morning. HAHAHAHA! You might as well laugh, it's funny at this point. It's 62 degrees in here. He figures it's as simple as the vent outside is frozen over, and we truly hope so!

Another one bites the dust...

sir Caden is now officially throwing up. He tossed his cookies at 7pm. Avery's been done now for over 24 hours and Declan seems to be mostly on the mend as well. James was home sick today, but hasn't thrown up...just stomach upset and "that other stuff". I had something similar about 9 days ago, and I am truly praying that I started it and I won't finish it!!!

Did you know...

that Audubon Iowa is code for "stalker from Pella"??? LOL, no it's code for "great friend from Pella who I miss talking with" - I will not embarass you (unless you want me to, haaahaaaa) but let's just say I feel MUCH better knowing that YOU are my multiple times per day visitor, woot!!!!!!

I need a favor from "iowatelecom" visitors!

If you visit here and you use Iowa Telecom, could you post a quick "hi" the next time you stop in? That's all I need - I am insatiably nosey. LOL!

Prayers needed please!

Declan has been sick since Thursday, throwing up and everything. Tonight, during the sacred viewing of the new season of 24, Avery started throwing up, so she's now camped out on the floor of our bedroom on an air mattress so we don't have to run to her room every hour or so, she's so miserable and SO UPSET about throwing up!! I've called off my babysitting kids for tomorrow, but Caden doesn't have school tomorrow so he's already going to add to the chaos. Please, pray for us tomorrow (probably today, when you read this)!!!!!

I think I have officially overshared with Avery.

She is extremely interested in my pregnancy this time. Last year at this time you might recall I was hugely pregnant, and she really didn't care that much. I remember encouraging her to feel Declan move, etc. and she was just not into it.

This year is a different story.

Now of course I am not showing yet, but I am a big girl so my tummy is bigger anyway. She keeps asking when it's going to get "REALLY big". Asking when she's going to go to grandma's house. But, she asks it like this: "Am I going to go to grandma's house while you go and puuuuuuuuuuush out the baby?" Total overshare. A 4 year old, though insanely interested, didn't need to know where a baby comes out but in typical Tena-fashion, I overshared several weeks ago. Now she pinches her eyes shut and makes a face like she's dumping a LOAD to ask me if that's what I'm going to be doing for this baby. And she does it multiple times per day. (One funny caveat if you want to tease her, make a noise like the pushing reallllllllly hurts while you make that face and she is FREAKED, LOL!!!) Dear Lord.

And that is not the best part. The best part is this: We still have several Christmas books lying about. Most of our Christmas books are Christian in the sense that they deal with baby Jesus, not Santa, etc. You see where this is going, right? Yes, every book, no matter the title, is now called "The Mary pushing out Jesus book, right mommy?"

This is going to be a VERY long pregnancy.

I feel better!

Maybe it's mind over matter. Today I HAD to be up, get Caden on the bus (which he was NOT agreeable to, but trust me, he WENT), greet my neice and nephew and then get Avery off to preschool. And I honestly feel good! I don't feel great, but good is definitely an improvement.

Ok Declan just tore a page off one of the peek a boo pages in the book. Must run!

Being sick is for the birds.

I'm tired of this crap. I spent all weekend in bed again. Friday night throwing up, then just tired, tired, tired after that. I wish I could feel better and just be done with it! If this is pregnancy related, I'm in for a VERY long next 7 months.

A little hope for miss Hope.

She's doing pretty well! http://hoperobinson.blogspot.com/ My uncle (Hope's grandpa) called this afternoon and caught me shopping Christmas clearance at Wal-Mart. He said that's she's doing well, and she's a fighter. I wanted to give her some hope from another little girl who adores Hope (still misses that striped red hat from her earliest days!), my Avery. Avery is a fighter as well. She will fight with anything. She will even fight with herself on a good day. Just ask her to do something, and she will fight! Hey, see, there's hope little Hope! One day you will grow up and be just like Avery and every time your parents tell you "no" you can say "yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss" in your VERY whiniest voice, ok? But one thing, precious baby girl in the isolette, you must NEVER tell anyone that auntie Tena told you to do this, ok? Great. :) I can't wait to hold you some day, and neither can Avery! God bless you baby, I know He is making you strong and helping you fight. It's a rite of passage for every precious Princess of The King!

I have no idea what to write about.

This week is still part of no-school Christmas vacation (oh, is it PC to say that? Should it be "winter break"??) so I have my 3 kids home all day, every day, plus I have my 2 nephews and 1 niece here on MWF. Really, they are all GREAT kids, I have to say that first, but there's a lot of snot wiping and diaper changing and face/hands cleaning going on with 6 kids 8 and under. Today I was so stellar for lunch. I made pb&j. Hey, they were all happy (my 8yo nephew doesn't care for mac n cheese, imagine that?) and it was easy for me. Caden ate a FULL sandwich (2 slices of bread) and several others packed away the food, too. Must have been all that playing outside this morning. It's majorly melting here at over 40 degrees. I am ready for the stinkin' ice to be gone, but the snow is pretty. I like that Walgreens commercial where the snow falls only on the grass, not on the roads, driveways or sidewalks. I think they call the town "Perfect". Agreed.

I wasn't sure what to give Declan for lunch, and I didn't want him to have a pb&j before he's 12 months, so I hauled out a can of candied yams and warmed them slightly, then gave them to him on his tray (yes, you'd think I could just feed him sweet potato baby food, but this child REEEEEEEEEEEEFUSES baby food from a spoon. Will NOT do it.) and he ate like gangbusters! Granted, he was a light brown/orange MESS at the end, but boy did he love it. That's a hit! He's also taken to clapping lately, started earlier in the month, but if that isn't the cutest thing I just don't know what is.

I can't remember if I told you or not, but I am finally on some antibiotics for all this crud I've been having over the past several months. Except for part of a cold still hanging on, I am finally feeling better! Hooray!

A Caden Christmas funny.

We opened gifts today at James' parents. Caden had opened a few things and it was back to his turn. This turn he had a large box and was struggling to get it open. His uncle and James were helping him, and Caden's back was to grandma (with the camera). He fought the box a few more times and finally turned around and made the sign for "camera" at grandma. The non-verbal child could not have been more clear - "Take my picture lady, this is good stuff!" As Caden's aunt said, "That was the best part of the whole day!" and I concur.

There are many times that I underestimate Caden. I believe he "doesn't understand" or "doesn't care" when in fact he truly gets what's going on and comprehends it to the point that he can actively participate in his surroundings. It's difficult to communicate in a talking world when you yourself do not speak, but Caden teaches all of us, time and time again, that communicating is not synonymous with talking, and he communicates very well. I'm thankful for the Caden's present today, and I cherish those glimpses he can share of himself. He is truly one of my best gifts.

Are you ready?

For Christmas, that is. Are you stockings in a row? And most importantly, is your heart in the right place? Take some time to pray about this, if you haven't already...quiet your mind and heart and find time to thank God for the best present of all - JESUS! I know I have everything "done", but several things have cropped up in the past 24 hours to make me feel a bit frazzled and I just want to enjoy the peace of the season.

As much as possible with 3 kids under 6, that is.

Oh and I installed something called Sitemeter on this site so I can see who visits and all that, fun!! Some of you are coming from far away! Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know that you stopped by...I find it all fascinating as to where you're coming from and why and all of that. Like especially, who do I know in Audubon, Iowa?? I see you frequently, out yourself!!!!!!!

It's starting to leak out, so I better just announce it -

we are pregnant! Well actually *I* am pregnant, but it takes two to make a baby so we are officially pregnant. We are due in late July/early August sometime, and other than being sick with every OTHER thing under the planet lately, I am feeling fine. We were surprised it happened so fast, but we are happy and looking forward to summer! Our tagline is this: Something good DID come from election night, 2008. :D

It is SO cold!!

I don't ever remember temperatures being so cold here. I'm sure they have been, I just don't remember it. The temps alone are below 0, with windchills pushing the actual temp much further than that. We were outside to get to my parents' today for our Christmas there, and it was just too brutal to be outside honestly. Funny caveat - I was trying to get Caden and Avery out of the van at my parents' house and Caden wouldn't cooperate, which isn't unusual, but I was FREEEEEEZING and I had no patience, so I said, "Quick dicking around!!!". Wouldn't you know it, seconds later, still fussing with Caden, Avery pipes up, "Quick dicking around!!!!" with much gusto. Niiiiiiiiice Tena, good move.

Anyway. We had a great time at my parents' house today. Such good food, I think that is the best part about Christmas. My mom made her usual cheese fondue, plus we had peppermint ice cream dessert and yummy punch, then all kinds of snacks - thanks Chris and Cathy for the popcorn cake, yummmmmmmmm!! We of course exchanged presents and we gave my neice the Baby Alive Learns to Potty doll - huge hit!! Avery loved it too. It talks to you and tells you what to do for it (put me on the potty, I love you, etc.) and Avery replied EVERY time and did just what the doll asked every time. Now keep in mind, this was a gift FROM Avery TO my neice, LOL! But my neice returned the favor, and Avery received a baby that coos and sucks a pacifier, plus really breathes (tummy moves up and down) when she falls asleep. Also a huge hit here, and interestingly enough, it is CADEN who is the most in love with this doll. It cries, and he whips out that bottle to shush it, he pats it on the back, he just loves it up! Of course I want to go to Wal-Mart first thing and buy him another one because they are fighting constantly over it, but James says no. Hopefully the infatuation will die down with her (she's been named Hallie, lovingly rhyming with Callie, Avery's other doll) and there won't be many more fights. But it's a hit!

But yeah, it's cold. It's REALLY cold. With the cold comes our furnace running more, which means we're sucking up the propane ($$$$$$!!!) left and right which is not a good thing, so if you could say a prayer that the temps warm up, that would certainly help us. Of course it's up to God, but we figure He understands this kind of stuff.

I haven't felt well in AGES.

I am tired of it! Last weekend I had fever, chills, the entire stay in bed thing. Before that I had a nasty cold, and now I have the cold back! This is so unfair. It's like the never ending cold and sickness. I am now officially a mouth breather and I am sure that's OH SO attractive.

In other news. We go tomorrow to my parents' house for Christmas, big fun! Avery is way excited.

Christmas Wish for a terminally ill 4 year old -

http://www.wgal.com/news/18312086/detail.html

Please send out a quick card to little Hannah and brighten her day! 42 cents can make a big difference.

2 hour early dismissal due to - sunshine??

As I type this, I just got Caden off the bus. It's 1:50 here. School was let out 2 hours early due to an ice storm that's supposed to come through here. But, it's not coming until 5pm or so. I greatly dislike Caden here during naptime for Declan, because he's just plain noisy with no quiet switch. Avery? You can tell her to be quiet and she will. Caden either doesn't get that or he refuses, either way you'd like to bop him a time or two. He's got his pacifier in his mouth and he's in his bumper, so we're good - for a while.

So I'm slightly disgruntled, LOL! I'll get over it I'm sure. What are you doing today?

Avery's preschool Christmas program tonight!

It was so cute, albeit totally chaotic - YOU picture 75 4-5yo's singing (screaming, some of them). She was in the front row (she's small, of course she was in the front row) and she almost pulled her skirt up allllllll the way but my prayers were answered and back down it came. She sang so well, we were proud. All 4 of her grandpas and grandmas were there and she had fun.

She is so weird. I don't know how to describe her, but she gets all funny about things and refuses to speak to people. I don't know if it's a power issue or what, but it's truly annoying. And yes Avery, I hope to still have this blog when you're old enough to read this and understand and I will tell you that it is ANNOYING when you're like that. Enough said. :)

Speaking of Hope - keep praying please!!!!!!!!!!!

Pray for Hope!

My cousin and his wife had a baby, little Hope. Hope was born VERY premature and needs our prayers. My cousin's sister (still my cousin, obviously, lol) started this blog: http://hoperobinson.blogspot.com:80/ Please join in with comments, prayers, let them know that prayers are coming from all over the world to them in Indiana!!!!

I have to blog about this or I will forget.

Tonight we were lazing around in the downstairs living room and Avery was playing the piano. She kept asking us to suggest songs so I was offering crazy song titles like "Hamburgers Make Me Hurl", we were just laughing and having a good time.

We suggested "The B-I-B-L-E" and she sang it all and accompanied herself. At the end of it she yells BIBLE, so we know she knows the word, and has just spelled it numerous times throughout the song. So I asked her, in my teacher way, "Avery, what does B-I-B-L-E spell?" and without skipping a beat she replies "WORDPECKER"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I about fell out of my chair laughing, James about dropped Declan on the floor and Caden, not knowing what was funny but wanting to join in started laughing his head off. You couldn't have captured a more hilarious moment, seriously. I am still laughing like crazy just typing it out.

So after that I asked her to spell the word she does know..."Avery, what does K-O-H-L-S spell?" "KOHLS!!!!!!!!!" 1:2 isn't bad. LOL!!!!!!

No school today - oh joy!

I love my kids. I do. The very sun rises and sets on them, but I love them even MORE when they are gone from me. Especially Caden. He can be a real handful at times, and when he's bored he isn't pretty. School was canceled today due to weather (ice, wind) so I have all 3 home here with me.

Normally on Tuesday mornings Caden heads out the door by 7:30 and Avery, Declan and I get ready quickly and head to church for Coffee Break. This morning, none of us were up before 8:00, which was truly nice! And I can't complain too much - right now Declan is napping, Avery is watching Diego and Caden is spinning in his bumper. Things are pretty quiet right now. :)

There is a danger in having a very laid-back child.

Ok so there's many dangers in that, but the one that plauges me the most often is the danger of believing something is seriously wrong when he becomes fussy. I'm sure to a parent of a fussy child or a colicky infant my concern would be downright laughable (much as to me, when parents of typical kids fuss about their 12 month olds not walking yet). However, I went so far as to bring Declan to the doctor this morning because I was sure there is something wrong with him.

And there isn't.

But he has certainly been "off" for several weeks. It started with refusing bottles after just a few ounces, instead of the usual 6-8 ounces he chugs. Then he began to fuss and cry about eating solids. THAT we believe we have figured out - he's taking control of eating and he isn't shy in letting you know (case in point, the other night I snagged something desireable from his highchair tray and ate it myself - screaming temper tantrum ensued for more than 60 seconds, good glory).

Bless the drs heart. She said, "Now is the time when they usually start changing a lot, you'll probably notice he's different in lots of ways." You'd think this was the first time I've done this parenting thing.

Avery just took her pants off,

came over to me and announced that she had to take them off so she could "scratch her owie." Um, she has a tiny, pin-sized dot next to her belly button that is apparently itchy. Maybe I should pay attention to her so that she doesn't freeze as she goes about pants-less.

Oh, and I also wanted to say this:

To whomever took yet ANOTHER "check" out of our checking account without our consent, you SUCK. We will be closing our account now, thanks for making us do all your dirty work.

SAHM's do not get to call in sick.

That is truly a travesty. I asked James to take the day off and give me a sick day, but that didn't pan out either. Then I tried to bribe Avery with a nap and THAT didn't work. I am majorly striking out, but I feel so unwell and I am SOOOO stinkin' tired. Who will watch my daughter while I nap???

Sunday's amazing moment

We were at my parents' house on Sunday for dinner. The kids were all playing nicely when my 8yo neice comes up and tells me, "Caden keeps asking for you" and then I can hear him - "mom, moooom, mom". Figuring he got up on the top bunk I asked her, "Where is he?"

"He's on the toilet."

As if it's no big deal. As if every 6yo kid should be doing the same. Well ok, they SHOULD, but Caden's not every 6yo kid.

I hurry to the bathroom, crew following me and lo and behold, he pulled the step stool up, had taken off his pants and diaper and was sitting on the potty! AND!!!!!! THERE WAS POOP IN THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so proud of him, he was so proud of him!! Maybe it's sooner than we think...


As I type this, James is at church for the annual congregational meeting. He is up for the office of deacon. We are praying for God's will to be done. We'll see what that will is in just a bit!

Edited - just over an hour later and James is coming home! Is it horrible of me to say we're really glad God didn't choose this time for our family?? He will not be a deacon this year for our church, and we are thankful for the time he will spend with us.

Had quite an exciting time last night!

Yesterday afternoon was one of those afternoons where I was ready to quit being a mom for a bit. Since that isn't an option, I called my good friend Tab to come over. Tab gets off work early, she's spectacularly single and she is ALWAYS fun to hang out with, plus she loves my kids and is SO good with them. I asked her if she would please hang out with the kids while I got some stuff done, which she was great about. We had a good time!

James got home around 5:30 and I had cooked up a plan - Tab and I would go out for dinner while James did bedtime (granted, I had already fed all 3 kids, changed Declan into jammies, and had them all cleaned up). As usual, he was agreeable so off we went - in Tab's car, which was nice of her because she was going to have to drive me all the way back out into the country after dinner instead of straight home to her apartment in town, but she didn't care. She's so cool like that.

We hemmed and hawed over where to go, and finally chose the Mexican restaurant. At the last minute I wanted to go for Chinese, but Tab overruled and we went Mexican. We had a great time, lots of chatting, good pop (soda, if you MUST be that way) and food. We were in there for over 2 hours.

We walk out into the parking lot and I kid you not, her car is GONE. We looked, and looked, and looked some more, but seriously, we BOTH knew where we had parked and it isn't there. The police station is only 1 block away so we walked up there to see if it had been towed for some insane reason. It hadn't. Holy. Poop. At this point, Tab isn't sure if she DID lock it, but we 100% know she had the keys the entire time and NO ONE else has a set. Ok so this isn't good. At all. They take all our information and tell us we might hear something in a few hours. Ugh. I called my mom (in town) to come get us and we decide to walk back to the restaurant to see if anyone there knows anything.

Again, I kid you not, as we near the parking lot we see her car, parked, unmanned, sitting in a COMPLETELY different parking spot, different part of the lot entirely. FREAKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As we're standing there, thinking we just MIGHT have lost our 30 year old minds, the cop pulls up and we tell him it's baaaaaaaack. So he pulls in, another cop car pulls in, the checking it all over ensues. The radio station has been changed (she had a Christian CD playing, they switched to hard rock, go figure!), there are candy wrappers on the floor and the passenger side seat was moved WAY back. NOTHING was missing, nothing was added, nothing was damaged, the fuel was nearly the same as previous, but the engine was still warm. As Tab is going over everything with one of the cops, a wrecker truck pulls in to see if we need his help. The police officer says, "No, someone decided to take a joy ride in someone else's car" and the wrecker guy says, "Again??" so we assume this has been happening.

Long story but we head back to the police station so they can pull fingerprints off the radio, etc. We also had to be questioned separately and they let us go, but poor Tab. She is so shaken up, and I am so p'ssd off for her. What a violating thing!! We hung out for a while and then she finally brought me home and went home herself...she said she slept well after finally falling asleep.

Interesting though...the car wasn't hotwired and no one else has keys. How in the world did someone do this?? Hopefully the police can figure this one out. It's probably bored teenagers in Pella looking for a good time but know this, we are on to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or I wish we were.

Praying for Kandy, Justin and family.

My friend Kandy lost her baby last night at 36 weeks gestation. Baby Ruby went to be held in the everlasting arms of Jesus last night around 10pm. You can read more about them in the links over to the left - Redneck Ramblings.

Kandy, I am praying for you guys. You have my love, prayers and support, now and always.

Night two and it has been quiet from the get-go!

We set up a few new precautions for Avery - she has fruit mentos on her nightstand that she gets to have if she stays in her room all night. She has a potty seat in her bedroom. She has a large object blocking her way out of the room, LOL! I think that oughtta do it!!

Caden wasn't so blindsided tonight, which helped. We talked it up a lot. We told him it was his job to watch Declan. He liked that! No tears, not one, from ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not a great night...

I don't have a ton of time but to get the gist of the story...we had Avery in our bedroom at 4:30. She had turned on nearly every light in the house, including Caden's bedroom light so he was up and we went through the entire process of him being MAD that he didn't have a roommate again. I'm tired.

Avery is sleeping in a big girl bed!

I know, you're probably falling over in shock more that she has STILL been in a crib at over 4 years old than that she's in a regular bed now, but it is what it is. She and Caden have been sharing a bedroom for 4 years, both in cribs (yes, Caden is still in one, more on that later) and it goes so well. They love it I think - someone to talk to in the morning, at night, etc. But we were given a wonderful bunkbed in white for Avery and we finally got her room painted in "Breezy Pink" on Saturday, so today we moved her in. She was SO excited. She also got to wear Pull-Ups instead of diapers for bed which means she could get up and go potty on her own, then go back to bed...

She did that about 5 times I think before the novelty wore off.

During that time, it was Operation Stop Caden From Breaking Down. Holy heck, you'd think we cut off one of his limbs. In no uncertain terms he told us he wanted to take his pillow and go sleep with Avery. Granted, there's room - it's a full sized bed on the bottom, twin on top. We had feet stomping, screaming, sobbing hysterics. For 30 minutes. I went in every 5-10 mintues and calmed him down, but it finally took James going in there and rubbing his back for 25 minutes and Cay fell asleep. We HAD Declan in Caden's room sleeping in Avery's crib during that time, but I rescued Declan and put him back in his pack n play in our bedroom so he could actually sleep. So yeah, we still have a baby in our bedroom but hey, there's always tomorrow night.

I just snapped some pictures of Avery sleeping. She's out like a light. We're so proud of her for doing so well! She's so proud.

I think I have a sinus infection.

I feel like crap. I stayed home from church LAST Sunday to sleep all day and now I'm staying home again...I feel ok for a few hours, then cruddy again. Headache, sore throat top the list of what ails me most times, and now my nose feels tender to the touch. Enough's enough. Pity party for one? Done.

In light of yesterday's momentous events in our country...

I thought I would share these lyrics from one of my favorite music groups Casting Crowns. These lyrics smacked me between the eyes this evening, just came flying into my head. America, my prayer is that we are not sleeping.


United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping

Caden's "report card" - brag alert!!!!

This isn't your typical report card but then again, Caden isn't your typical Kindergartener. Caden attends Madison Elementary School here in Pella and is thriving. It's Parent-Teacher Conference time (we aren't having one because we just had Caden's IEP) so report cards came home on Friday.His teachers have also reported back to me that there is a severely affected child in his classroom and Caden is his best friend, always talking to him and touching him and trying to include him. I couldn't be more proud of him. The report card is as follows:


Fall Kindergarten Progress Report

Caden has been such a blessing to our Kindergarten class. He warms the hearts of every adults and child he comes in contact with!

He follows the routines of kindergarten as he sits in a group, follows one step directions and interacts with his friends in play. We are all learning to communicate with Caden through formal and informal sign language. Caden's classmates are eager and determined to learn new signs and genuinely love him as a friend in kindergarten!

I marvel at the progress Caden has made in a brief two months of formal education. Through God's blessings, a network of dedicated individuals have formed a tremendous support group: from the bus drives, cooks, custodians, secretary, principal, classroom teachers, students and professional educators to every child in his class and other classes at Madison Elementary, to provide genuine love and the very best education possible for Caden. And he, in turn, has blessed each and everyone of us with a contagious love for life!

Thank you for sharing him with us!

Avery's preschool picture

came back today. I'm pleased as punch. I wasn't going to order, but then I thought "she will probably do ok, better than Caden anyway" and I grabbed an order form and payed the morning of pictures. I'm so glad I did! Plus she has on brand new Gymboree and I couldn't have that go to waste. ;) Enjoy!! She's just 4 years old here, taken early October 2008.

The purpose of "goodness" is to point others toward God.

How true. Have you ever thought about the fruit of the Spirit of GOODNESS? Think about it for a minute. What does it mean to be "good"? How is that different from being "kind"?

When you consider it, you might find that being kind is "other-directed"...your focus is not on yourself, but on others. What a wonderful quality to have! The focus of "goodness" however, is more self-centered, but in a good way. Our focus is on striving to be good in the face of all kinds of circumstances.

A recent example of this for me has come online. I have a friend who others are questioning, even going as far as to email her with hateful messages about what a liar she must be, etc. I can understand questioning someone, especially someone online who you don't "know" fully, but I cannot understand being hateful toward them or wasting so much time and energy on trying to prove that she is lying. What is the point?

God spoke to me very clearly through this morning's Bible study on GOODNESS. Being good has to do with a conviction of your heart. It has to do with believing that God will one day make everything right. It is trusting God and allowing yourself to stand up in the face of accusations and hate and say what's RIGHT, even what it's not popular. It's allowing yourself to be misunderstood, to have your motives questioned....because you know that one day, God will make it all right. In doing so, you point others toward God so that He can be worshipped for the true goodness that He is!

God is refining this in me. I have made mistakes along the way, but my ultimate motivation is to be good...not for myself, but because I know that's what God wants from me. I tend to stick up for the underdog, sometimes to my own detriment (or so it seems), but in doing so I am learning about the goodness of Christ. He doesn't care what's popular, He cares what's good and what's right. Ultimately, no matter what kind of flack we might have to endure on earth, our prize remains sure in Heaven!

Happy Birthday Dear Caden!

Today at 4:01am you turned 6 years old. I can't believe it's been that long ago...and in other ways it seems like just yesterday. You amaze me every day. You are doing things right now that didn't seem possible at first. Maybe I didn't believe in you. Maybe I didn't believe in myself. Whatever the case, you are a special little boy in so many ways.

This morning, you woke up in a great mood, as usual. Mommy is not a morning person, but walking into your room and seeing you standing up in your crib with a bright "HI!" definitely starts my day off well. You love your routine, and me adding the interior lining to your usual coat sent you off on the bus in tears. I'm sorry that kind of stuff bugs you sweetheart, but it's cold outside and recess will be ever-so-much more fun if you're snug and warm. We even had to send hat and mittens yesterday! I'm not ready for this weather already, but here it is. It was cool like this when you were born, too. But no one could have anticipated the sunshine you would bring into our lives!

When you were little and when I was expecting you, I had all kinds of hopes and dreams for you. I still do, but they have changed and that's not all bad! Plus, mommy has grown up a lot since then, too, so now perhaps my hopes and dreams are more "realistic". :) My biggest hope for you, Caden, is that you will know that you are loved - both by your family and by God. And in your eyes, I can tell that this hope is being realized. When you come to me for a snuggle, because only mommy can get it just right, I know you feel loved. When you smile and play contentedly, without worry of judgement, I know you feel loved. You aren't able yet to say, "I love you" with words, but your actions tell me you do. I love you so much Cay!!!

Tonight all your grandmas and grandpas and most of your aunts and uncles are coming over for a birthday pizza party. I know you're going to have a great time. I've already snagged a couple of balloons from a local store which you'll be over the moon about. I set up your birthday gift this morning when you left for school, complete with trip to Wal-Mart for batteries! However, I need your daddy to take a look at it - it won't work! (It's a remote controlled Elmo train, bought at a garage sale, and I so wish it would work - I want to see your eyes light up when you come in off the bus!)

Daddy's coming home in a bit to watch your brother and sister so I can come and bring cupcakes to you at school. We're going to share with your special ed class and also your Kindergarten class - it's your snack day today! I can't wait to see you at school and share in your excitement.

I could go on forever about you, my sweetie. My prayer for your 6th birthday is that you develop more words and foster those relationships you are building in your community. You are far more popular than anyone I know, and you are SO kind and deserving. Everyone's a friend to you and you treat everyone with the same, unabashed excitement. I appreciate you, and I am thankful to be learning from you. Thank you God, for the gift of Caden. Happy Birthday Caden James!

See my pretty-boy?

Thanks to my friend Tammy for brightening up his picture so he looks all the more sparkling! He really is a sweetheart. Just makes me smile every time I get to pick him up...which is a lot as he barely sits by himself yet. Makes him VERY easy to care for! Though earlier today I had an "oops" moment - I sat him down next to me on the floor while I was at the computer (shocked, aren't you?) and he fell over and hit his head on the bottom of the computer chair. Ouchers baby, I am sorry!!

James is home. That's why I haven't been blogging, there's a lot of kissy face to do! I really did miss him. It made me think though about how dependent you should be on someone. I mean, would I be ok if, God-forbid, something happened to James? I mean, I'd like to think with God's help I would make it but man, how I missed him!!! He really is my best friend. But he's hilarious, I have to tell on him with something...

Every time he goes away I like to nag him about how much time he spent thinking about us, etc. Usually, in typical guy fashion he screws up and says he didn't think about me a lot, that kinda stuff. Well, I told him this time that he needed to buy us stuff because usually I get nothing. The kids get nothing. Again, he's a guy, he gets somewhat of a pass, but I was pushier this time apparently. I sent him with $200 cash. His parents spoiled his tush and paid for most everything while he was gone (thank you, but you should have been watching him closer in the gift shops, people!!!) so the only think he really spent on was gifts for us and a shirt for himself. He had $60 when he returned. Holy smack. He did VERY well for me - I got a precious Willow Tree figurine and a beautiful Faith, Hope, Love religious silver bracelet. But here's where it gets dicey. He bought each of the kids tee shirts, Declan a onesie. Want to know the price of the onesie? Sit down. It was $20. FOR A ONESIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never, ever, EVER again will I hear flack about how much Gymboree costs.

All this, from the man who didn't even remember a card for our 10th wedding anniversary in June. *smack*

God love you James, you rock my world.

Ahhhh bedtime.

It's 7:51 here and I have all the kids to bed. Avery and Declan are asleep (Ave seems to be under the weather today, running a temp and everything), Caden is "reading books" in his crib. I can just picture him, holding them up to show you the pictures the way his teachers do and emphatically sounding all kinds of tough sounds out. It's beyond cute. Not only are the kids in bed, I've just had a shower and am now consuming extraordinary amounts of calories while blogging. And that, my friends, is the hilarious part. No, not the calories, the showering. Would you like to know why? Perhaps this will be funny only to James...

I showered this morning, too!!!!!!!!! Now most of you are thinking, "good for you Tena, you're cleanly today!" but seriously. I never shower twice in one day. NEVER. I used to when I was going to the gym regularly (don't tell the elipticals there what I am consuming at the computer) but not now. So why did I? Because I am so stinking messed up without James here and any sense of time that I had no recollection of doing it this morning! Here's where you can laugh your donkey off at me. It was only when my hair was soaked that I remembered doing it this morning. Good glory, it's been one of those days.

Actually, it's been pretty good. Started off with a LOVELY neighbor-man skidloading in the field next to us starting about 6:30. Not such a big deal, except that the skidloader has the REVERSE BEEPING NOISE enabled. Who gives me a $20 to send him a smack via USPS? Of course the kids were up, so we soon headed in to town to grab mommy an iced vanilla coffee from McDonalds. I was going to look up the calorie count in one of those bad boys but I truly do not want to know. Then we went to my parents, where they watched the kids so I could go sell $65 worth of Avery's Gymboree clothing to a gal I met via Craigslist. Score! After that I headed home with Avery and Declan (so he could nap) and we left Caden at my parents but traded them for my neice N. She helped watch Avery so I could vacuum up the never-ending swarm of flies in the bonus room above the garage. We're going to have to go to one of those industrial fly catcher things they make for barns and such. Because otherwise, it would look like the freakin' 4th of July with 10000000 yellow fly strips hanging patriotically from the rafters. It's BAD in there folks, take my word for it. After that I hit up my parents for free food again and then we came back home for bedtime and shower time for Miss Can't Remember and now I'm here!!!

I know, that was boring for me too, but thanks for making it this far. After typing all of that, Caden is now quiet as well so I think I am 3:3. Wait no, I just heard him again. Regardless, he'll be out soon and all will be quiet except for the peck, peck, peck of keyboard keys. James always knows when I hit backspace and starts laughing. It's a good thing I'm fairly decent at typing anymore, otherwise his jaw would be sore. And that ends the randomness for the day. MUCH LOVE!

Great to hear from you, James!

I loved it when my phone rang today and it was you! Even though I was driving and really should have been paying more attention to the 3 small children in the vehicle rather than you...wait no, I should have been paying attention to driving, that's it. Anyway, we're home so I guess all is well.

I can see 3 teeth on the top of Declan's mouth. I think that is the reason for the night-waking as of lately. Though this morning he didn't wake until 5:30, so not too bad. Right now he's back in his pack n play, screaming again. I can't get him to be happy no matter where I place him. I think it's time for Tylenol or Orajel. I'll probably get him up soon and we'll go outside to do his favorite - SWING! Is he like his older brother or what? Yesterday he fell asleep outside in the swing.

It's gorgeous here, but windy. So you wouldn't like it. It's 74 degrees or so.

Caden should be home in about 20 minutes, with his cousins arriving about 20 minutes after that. Tonight we're going to my parents' to have supper and just hang out. Tomorrow I have no plans, but that awesome chick who bought all my Gymboree clothes from me last garage sale would like to meet up and go through my stuff again, insta-garage sale from the hatch of the Odyssey! That would be great.

Alright, time to crack the last full caff Mt. Dew of the day and brace myself for 3 more little ones to arrive. Continue to have a wonderful time! We love you and miss you, but we're doing just fine. :)

PS - it's www.aim.com - add tenacadensmommy :)

And I'm a single mother.

Wow, hats off to all the single mothers of the world. I sweat just thinking about it, and now that it is here it's not so fun. James left our house around 3:40pm and won't be home until Monday LATE (possibly even Tuesday EARLY). He's going with his parents to visit his home state of Montana and to hang out with family. And I was the one who encouraged him to do so. WHAT was I thinking????? Serious.

Folks, little Caden understands what has happened here. He cried "daddddyyyyyy" for 45 minutes after I put him down for bed. It was GUT-wrenching. I put the kids to bed without James here at LEAST once a week and I never get that reaction. We told them that daddy went on an airplane and he signs "airplane" and "daddy" and then cries "dadddddyyyyy". I can't even tell you how sad it is. We were playing outside just after James left and an airplane went overhead - Caden signed "daddy" super excitedly and when it went past, he was crestfallen. He then signed "home", asking if James was coming home. It had been approximately 20 minutes since James had left. This might be interesting.

Avery on the other hand, totally fine, and SHE'S the daddy's girl! I could hear her telling Caden in their bedroom, "Daddy's on a plane Caden, he'll be home later." but that wasn't cutting it for Cay.

And Declan. Refused any solid foods tonight (sorry Grandpa Barbie, I TRIED!) and then refused the 2nd bottle I offered after he screamed for 10 minutes in his crib.

This might be interesting.

Is it Tuesday yet???

More LaLa problems...

I have gotten more comments over that! It's what my friend Heidi has always called it, and I think it's great. LaLa...yeah, no big deal, right? ;)

I had to take him back in today. He has a bacterial infection down there. You wouldn't believe how awful it looks - blisters, pus, ugh. I cried when they were trying to get a culture of it. He's being a huge trooper about it, even took his oral antibiotics very well just before nap.

In other news, we are gearing up for a weekend of camping. It's supposed to be gorgeous here, sunny and low 70s. Love it! Tonight is also Caden's school Open House...I'm sure he'll be excited to show off his stuff at school to all of us!

Hats off to a new school year and illness!

I brought Declan in this morning for a "man problem". Ok since he's only 8 months old he won't care that I tell you, but his lala is very sore. We got that taken care of and in talking I mentioned Avery's been running a fever since Saturday. Dr took a look at her and she's got a double ear infection and probable strep throat - tonsils are almost touching each other! Poor girl. So we walked out of there with meds for both kids. I hope they're getting it out of their systems.

I got to see my boy at school!

I had the chance to see Caden "in action" at school yesterday - many thanks to my MIL (that's Mother In Law, for those of you not familiar with internet lingo) for watching the 2 youngest so I could go see him. It was interesting, for sure.

They are very enamored of Caden. It's very sweet to see, but the problem is, he's not always so sweet. And, he knows he's got their number and takes full advantage. While I was there (no more than 1 hour) I saw him hit, pinch, pull hair and slap at least 7 times. SEVEN. It took everything in my power not to get off my kid-sized-not-made-for-parents chair and place him in the time-out of the century. But I did not intervene. I watched, and that was enlightening. I can totally understand why no bigger action was taken, but once I had the chance I spoke to his aide and his Kindergarten teacher about Caden needing to be placed in IMMEDIATE time-outs for such behavior. I feel better now that they are on-board. :)

Caden's IEP is on Tuesday so I am glad I had the opportunity to watch him! He seems to be doing very well.

It's fall?

You wouldn't know it from looking or being outside. Although inside it is quite fallish, what with my 4 fall items displayed nicely. Did you know our house used to be CRAZY small, so I basically had no decorations? So now I have ALL THIS SPACE and just nothing to put up anywhere. It's kinda funny actually. But I did decorate our railing of our balcony with some nice fake leaves and orange lights. It's purrrdy.

That's all I have tonight folks. James is at praise band at church so it's typically my "spend time on the net" night, but my favorite website is down for maintenance and I am feeling sorry for myself. So I cracked a Mt. Dew (yes, at 7pm, I am going to pay for that later) and am sitting here trying to think of things to write about in the future...

Caden, God bless your stinkin' ears off.

Seriously. I am TIIIIIRED of ear infections for this kid. He's got his 3rd set of ear tubes in...one has fallen out and the other is not functioning. So. After spending Monday - Wednesday out of school due to FUO (Fever of Unknown Origin - that's mine, you can't use it) I brought him to Urgent Care last night when I saw a HA-UGE pile of wax and junk in his left ear. Sure enough, red eardrum and tons of drainage. Antibiotics and ear drops, plus oral pain reliever. It's time for a call in to our ENT (Ear Nose Throat dr.) - I think tube set #4 is on the horizon. This time, we're getting the T-tubes. Those have to be removed surgically instead of being left to fall out on their own. Surgery/anesthesia is a big risk for Caden, but he cannot miss days upon days of Kindergarten because he's got ear infections. Sick of it. Can you tell? ;)

In other news. Today was his first day back in many days and I had the rare opportunity to be driving past his school as he was being dropped off. I decided to pull in to a parking spot and just watch. An associate from another classroom helped him out of his car seat and he trotted up toward the building where he got hug #1 from another associate (different classroom again, not his classroom). Hug #2 came from an associate from his preschool class last year, full out, down on her haunches hug for my little man. Then out came Charon, Caden's 1:1 aide. BIG HUG!!!!!!!!!!! It was so precious. And the best part is that they didn't know I was watching, so it was all the more special to see how he's treated when "no one's watching". I am so pleased! I also sent his prayer along with him to school today so they will start saying that with him now.

New families...

I have added some new RTS families to the side. Check their blogs and cuties out!!

The dentist

We have a wonderful pediatric dentist in Des Moines. Dr. Matt is so kind, quiet, patient, good with kids - he's a keeper. Caden's been seeing him for years, and a few years after that we asked if he'd take Avery on as well, so she's been going for quite a while. Yesterday was another 6 month checkup and checkups are very basic - they try to get in there and brush the teeth, then he looks all around with his mirror and that's about it. Avery was actually EXCITED, but as things go with her, I thought she'd probably chicken out of her excitement once we got there. And Caden I assumed would be the same - total freak-out screaming fit the entire time. At least one of them I was correct about...

Avery was called back first and since James had both boys on his lap I went back with her. She didn't want to get in the chair. Here we go, I thought. It took some coaxing, but she finally hopped up into the chair, and from there she was PERFECT!!!!!! She let the hygenist brush and even FLOSS her teeth. She opened wide and didn't try to bite down on the brush or anything at all. Total gem. Thank you for not doing as I expected Avery!! We are SO proud of you! And her teeth look great as well.

Then it was Caden's turn. He was placed kicking into my lap facing me and then laid back into Dr. Matt's lap. Dr. Matt is strong!!! He held that screaming mouth open and got the teeth all brushed, even scraping the bottom teeth where there was some buildup. Caden was still screaming, signing "all done" and just basically having a tantrum. There's NOTHING to it, he just panics himself over the entire process. Anyway, here's where the exciting part comes in (for me anyway) - Caden has a LOOSE TOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, one of those little bottom front teeth is loose. Folks, this is right on time! He did it!!!! I bet he's going to look so different with a little tooth out, but I am just giddy. Ah, it truly IS "the little things."

And, in other news, our children are now the proud owners of a John Deere "Gator" ride on toy. They are thoroughly spoiled. And having a blast! More on that with pics to follow later.

Letters to my children

A thought struck me the other night. I could use this blog to write periodic letters to my children - sort of an online baby book. Sometimes I want to remember what they're doing but I never seem to haul out that baby book and write it down. So I thought this might be a nice place to do that. Plus you get to read up on them and find out what makes them tick and you get to hear me gush. What could be better?

First goes my lastborn - Declan.

Dear baby, you are precious! Never have I experienced such a laid-back, contented baby. You are 7 months, and for the past couple of weeks you have been working on your bottom tooth. You love to suck your lips in while feeling it - it must feel very funny! You look like a little old man with no teeth when you suck your lips in like that.

On Tuesday, you said your first word. Mommy was getting ready to leave and Grandma Jean was holding you. I said "bye bye" to you and you paused, then said "dyyy dyyyyy!!!!" I would have second-guessed that you actually did say it, but Grandma Jean confirmed it - it was definite! You also waved with certainty last week Tuesday when she was here. You must really like her or something! Your wave is precious - you extend your whole arm and curl just your fingers in and out.

You are really getting the hang of grabbing toys too and love to spend time sitting up in your highchair playing with toys. Avery loves to collect the toys that drop on the floor which is very nice for mommy. Everything goes into your mouth, of course. Speaking of that, you don't do super great with the eating thing unless it's sweet things like fruit. Grandma Sue gave you some chocolate ice cream while we were camping on Avery's birthday last week but you weren't too sure about that. Today at lunch you sat in your highchair next to Avery sitting at the island and she fed you bites of her applesauce - it was too cute! Whenever she would take a bite and not offer you one your mouth would hang open, just waiting.

You're still rolling over only from your back to your front, but you don't get a lot of floor time to be honest. I found out on the first day of school for Caden (Aug 21) that you CAN sit up all by yourself, but you're not a big fan of it. You sleep very well for us, going down at the same time as Caden and Avery (6:45-7:00pm) and sleeping until 6:00-6:30am - which is perfect for mommy because she can feed you and get ready herself, then get Caden up to get on the bus by 7:30.

You got your first haircut on Saturday. You have beautiful hair, but it was SUPER LONG in some places. Underneath it was all the same length so mommy just cut off all the long stuff and boy, did it grow you up! You look handsome as ever.

Hugs and kisses Declan-boo! We love you to the moon and back and to the moon and back again and......

Avery started preschool this morning!

Yes, honest to goodness preschool for 4 year olds, not "preschool" where it's actually day care but it makes parents feel better to say preschool. She's doing big stuff. It's Monday and Wednesday morning from 9:00-11:30. She LOVED it. You have no idea how much my heart was soaring listening to her tell me all about it. It's bittersweet - I love hearing it from her, but wish so hard that Caden could do the same. But today is about Avery.

She painted. Luke brought snack. They sang Jesus Loves Me. They listened to a book. She saw the bathroom, but didn't have to use it. They did not, however, use her pouch of school supplies (glue, crayons, scissors, etc.), which evoked a minor foot stomping outside once we left.

I took all the pictures before session started. There's one of her outside by the sign, one of her hanging up her Dora backpack on her hook (that stinking backpack was the ONLY thing she has requested in her entire life...PTL that TJMaxx actually had one! It was so hard to find!!!), another of her getting her name tag pinned on her shirt (she found her own name immediately, very proud) and finally one of her with Miss Teresa (incidentally, I used to be the assistant teacher here so I know Teresa very well which makes it a lot of fun). Enjoy!!!

"Outdoorsing" again!

We were able to snag a couple of camping sites for this weekend (not an easy task, but we're good!!) but that means we had to pay for the site since Sunday. It's ok though, because we decided to head out there last night (Wed.) already and plan to stay out there through Monday...except of course here I am at home blogging on Thursday morning. hee hee And James is working and Caden has to be brought to school and all of that.

Speaking of Caden and being brought to school...there was an incident yesterday in the morning. I don't know details, but "for Caden's safety" he will either be moved to the back of the suburban (a total pain as we'd have to climb over other seats to get him buckled in) or possibly the route will be switched up so Caden isn't riding at the same time as another child. Please pray for this situation. I am bringing Caden to school for the rest of the week (started this morning) while it gets ironed out. Caden is FINE, wasn't hurt or anything, but his driver is a wonderful lady who wants the best for all, so she's working on it. I brought him this morning and met his 1:1 aide, Charon, who is another wonderful lady! We talked for a bit and things are going really well for all!

And guess whose birthday is on Saturday? Avery Sue will be 4!!!

Pictures of Caden's school bus departure

Here is Caden waiting for the bus, posing by the suburban he rides with his driver Diana (we LOVE her, she brings him to and from school) and in his carseat, ready to go!!

First day of Kindergarten - wow

Today was a rainy, dreary day, but I think Caden brought some serious sunshine into Madison Elementary. I just got off the phone from a 10 minute conversation with Caden's Kindergarten teacher and I am so elated. She called me to say that it couldn't have possibly gone any better. He was cooperative and friendly and just a peach!!! She told me the day started out with playtime and then they sat together as a group. Caden was making some noise (typical) and gaining some attention from his peers, so she decided to get right into it and tell them about Caden and how he communicates, how he's different from other kids. He heard his name and marched right up to the front of the room to stand with her while she talked about him. "Perfect", she said. I made up a Caden Dictionary with all the signs he knows, words he can say, signs he's made up and his 1:1 aide got that out when he was up front and he just signed away for them. The kids were blown away and were trying to learn them.

She's an experienced teacher which helps TREMENDOUSLY, but I am just incredibly touched that she called personally to talk about his day.

Caden stayed in the K classroom for the entire day. His 1:1 aide did take him out to try to use the potty once, but that's about it. Mrs. B (K teacher) did tell me that he got into another little boy's personal space by snuggling and the other little guy wasn't so appreciative, but they talked through that and got permission to tell Caden to move away, etc, so all is well. She also said there's at least one little girl who has taken Caden under her wing and is helping him out whenever and however she can. I love kids that age!

She said he totally brightened up her day and made many of the kids smile. She told the class that she thought the rain had stopped and they could go outside to play, and Caden clapped like mad! He went into the hallway to help staple up letters on the wall and loved being a helper. She also said I can send along the words to Caden's prayer and his 1:1 aide will help him say it before he eats, which THRILLS me. I didn't know if they could get in trouble for helping a child say a prayer in public school, but it's a total non-issue. She also assured me that nearly ALL the teachers at the school are Christians and they love him as such, which made my heart soar.

I'm impressed folks. I love it. Here I was, just a few days ago, thinking I could never send him, and here I am tonight after a phone call thinking - this is it God! This is exactly how I pictured it! You are so good!!!!!!!!!

Pics to follow.

Meet the teacher day

Today from 2:30-4:00 is Caden's Meet the Teacher time. We will have to go into 2 classrooms - his special education classroom to meet them and to bring his diapers and wipes in and then the Kindergarten classroom to meet that teacher and bring all his regular school supplies. It will be nice to have all that taken care of before school starts tomorrow.

I've told a few people - Caden's been a STINKER this past week or so and I honestly can say that I am ready for him to go to school. I have been praying that God would give me peace and make me want to send him and guess what? As always, God came through! Wasn't exactly how I pictured wanting him to go to school because I've wanted to pull my hair out, but oh well, it works.

I'm still not certain I'm ready for tomorrow at 7:30 when the bus comes, but I know I'll make it. My good friend Val is having me over for what I call a Boo-Hoo Party. It will take my mind off it and we'll get to hang out and have fun. I can't wait until I can go into the school and see how Caden spends his time. That's what I want to know the most I guess and that's probably pretty typical of any child going off to school - what are they DOING with him all that time??

Insensitive Hollywood....

I have read something tonight that makes my blood boil. It is found here:

http://slurpinglife.typepad.com/slurping_life/2008/08/once-upon-a-t-2.html

Read that, try to calm yourself enough to sign the petition, and pass it along to EVERYONE you know. PLEASE do not see this movie. Do not perpetuate this kind of hatred.

Petition: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/stopTropicThunder/?e

In a better mood now...

it's amazing what a little Dairy Queen will do for ya! I deleted an entire post here and no, you will not see it again. It was whiney and annoying, and it didn't need to be here. AND, it was also full of incorrect information (I love you Heather, but what are you smoking??).

Tonight was school registration for Caden. I went, paid a lot of money and now he's all signed up to go!

I am going to post an email that I just sent off to the RTS email list (all parents and family members of individuals with Caden's same syndrome) about how I am feeling on K. Please add your thoughts. I am really really struggling. The email is as follows:


I never thought this would be so hard. Caden has been going to ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education) at our local school for 3 years now. I have sent him off on the bus with a kiss and a wave and off he goes. He loves it. I loved it. Win, win.

But now this little man is entering Kindergarten. Never mind the fact that he looks at acts like a 2 year old. Never mind the fact that he is nowhere NEAR a 5 year old's capabilites. Just send him, right? Other parents do it all the time. He'll be fine.

I can say that to myself. I can post cute little inspirational sayings on my mirror and force myself to repeat them 100 times a day but it boils down to this - I'm scared (of what, I don't know for sure), I'm sad and I just don't want August 21 to come. I think part of it is the all day, every day thing. I mean, holy smack, that is going to be exhausting for him.

I'm at a loss. I really am. I am mustering all the courage I can and talking with him about it and I can tell he's getting excited about it, but I just want to keep this precious babe home with me for the rest of forever (and yes, I have thought about homeschooling him but it's simply not an option for many reasons). I love my other kids, don't get me wrong. But there is something passionate and fierce in the way I love my Caden. I can't explain it other than to say it feels like a piece of me is leaving home to go off to big school, and I am not taking it well. I want ALL OF ME at home.

Does this resonate with anyone else? How did you cope? I'm positive it will get easier as time marches on, but this waiting game is torturous.

Unexpected blessings

You know those times when you've been really down about life in general? When things just don't feel great overall but nothing you can do really seems to make it better? Well yeah, I've talked with you about my depression (I've increased my meds with my drs help and things are looking slightly up) so you kinda know. I've just been in a funk I guess. And seeing Kindergarten just days away for my precious firstborn is not helping matters. Especially when I now have the child who will be mainstreamed. I never imagined it. It's the grief process, starting all over again....

Today I got a phone call from a dear friend who also happens to go to our church and who also happens to have a child with special needs (mental illness but let me tell you friends, she "gets it"). We didn't talk for long - I haven't been chatty lately and she cut right to the chase. She volunteered her services from now until whenever to be Caden's 1:1 aide for Sunday School at church. This may not seem like a huge deal, but James and I have considered not putting Caden in Sunday School because it's always such a chore to ask someone to be there with him, help focus his attention, the list goes on. I'm crying again writing this...I really didn't have the words to say thank you, you have no idea what a gift from God this phone call was. But if ever there has been a time this week where the hand of God reached right out and gave me a hug, here it was. Thank you. You know who you are and I love you.

Home sweet home.

I think our kids are thinking that. Today we are finally home. Currently everyone is doing their favorite thing - I am on the computer, James is sleeping on the couch, Avery is sitting on said couch watching Noggin (Max and Ruby, someone needs to smack those bossy bunnies), Caden is spinning in his jumper and Declan is sleeping peacefully for the first time in a long time. AND. We're in air conditioning and not outside. It is SO HOT here today. With heat index it's like 108 degrees. Not fun. But we did have a great time!