This Is Our Normal

Happy birthday sweet Declan!

2012-01-17T22:02:00.003-06:00

Yes, our little big boy turned 4 today. We had a low-key, but good day. Declan was in fairly good spirits as far as he goes. I think I only had to threaten a swat twice. Pretty decent!! All he could express he wanted was cake, so he had cake for supper. Oh, and ice cream. Well balanced, I'd say!

And I'm just documenting here...it's been 2 nights in a row that we haven't given Avery melatonin before bed. So far, so good...

Apparently, it's broke.

2012-01-12T13:09:00.003-06:00

You know how I said earlier we like the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" rule? Well it appears to have broken sometime this week. Last night we had Avery AND Declan in our bed - Avery complaining of acute tummy pain and Declan following her to our room from his bed where they had been sleeping. Then not 30 minutes later Caden came down and had to secure a spot on our bedroom floor. So when James left for work I had the 3 big kids in our room. And of course they were sleeping soundly when it was time to get up and get ready for school.

I'm thinking we need to go in reverse. I'm thinking the big kids need to be back in cribs.

Sleeping arrangements...

2012-01-04T22:52:00.004-06:00

We have always adhered to the rule: "If it isn't broke, don't fix it." This has been especially true in terms of where our children sleep.

Caden is sort of our wild card because he has stayed so much younger than most children due to his special needs. Caden was in a modified crib/gate crib (yes we rigged something straight into the walls around a mattress on the floor, looked horrid but it worked!) until he was almost 8 if memory serves me correctly. He had been sharing a room with Declan (who was also in a crib) so we needed to keep them separated. When Caden moved upstairs into his new bedroom he went into a twin bed and has done amazing.

Take Avery. She was still in a crib until she was over 4 years old. No, there's nothing about her that "warrants" that but she was sharing a room with Caden at the time and they were both in cribs so it worked. They were sleeping, we were sleeping. It was bliss. She went straight to a full bed and has done amazing.

Then there's Declan. You may have heard me talk about him before (LOL). Declan so far was our earliest to move out of a crib at just a few months over 3 years old, but sleeping has always been a bit of a power struggle for him. Avery and Declan really enjoy sleeping in the same bed, so we have allowed that on weekends. When Avery was off school for Christmas break we allowed it every night and guess who cannot change out of that mode? We have found Declan sleeping outside our bedroom door for the past 2 nights now. For what it's worth, right outside our bedroom door is concrete flooring. He's either desperate or quite ridiculous, but I am not allowed to be the judge and jury on that one.

So I talked with James about it (and a good friend, thanks Val!) and we agreed - why do we have to conform to what "everyone" says about where/how kids should sleep? Why can't we continue to do what we have been doing which is listen to what our kids want/need and adapt to fit our family's life? So it's a school night tonight and Declan is tucked cozily into Avery's bed. They're both sleeping and were out very quickly. They KNOW the rule is: you horse around, the sleepover ends. And they are very good about it! We plan to keep this going as long as they both want to do it. I PRAY that Declan's ready to quit before Avery is. Otherwise, does anyone have an air mattress he can lug about the house after midnight??

Theater success

2012-01-01T21:59:00.001-06:00

So the last thing I wrote was not exactly upbeat (but thank you again for the support). In my praying I have decided that I need to view Caden in new and different ways. I need to assume he'll rise to the occasion and not just assume things won't go well.

I put myself to the test Thursday night. I wanted to do the typical "fun mom" stuff with my 3 oldest kids. I decided I was going to take them (on my own) to the new Chipmunks movie in the theater. Two of them had never been to the theater, and the one who had been didn't like the movie she saw several years prior. I did the whole thing up, popcorn, drinks, yep. We got into our row and I was helping everyone get their seats down and get seated (those seats do not stay down when you weigh less than 50 pounds apparently) and sir Caden dropped his entire thing of popcorn to the ground. I shared some of mine with him - crisis #1 averted. We were all settled in...they didn't understand that the previews WEREN'T the movie and spent a great deal of time asking me WHY I'd taken them to THIS and WHERE was Alvin the Chipmunk? The movie started and all.3.kids.did.amazing. Caden stayed seated. Caden laughed at completely appropriate times (actually he cracked up rather hilariously at a few places and made the guy next to us chuckle more - Caden loves parts where people get hurt. Methinks The Three Stooges should be next?). Caden used a whisper voice to ask questions. Caden noticed character's emotions on the screen and asked me about them. CADEN DID AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was just so fun to do something with my "big kids" and to really, really enjoy it. I wish we could go every week!!

It's nut(thing)...

2011-12-23T21:55:00.000-06:00

We got a tv tray for our bed as a wedding gift 13.5 years ago. It has NEVER been used but was used for the first time today...James made the sacrifice to keep our family at a family of 7 this morning and needed that tray across his lap to spare his life with 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed with him! Heal quickly my sweet James - you are my hero!!

Declan protests...

2011-12-20T22:40:00.000-06:00

Declan will be 4 in January. He is a homebody through and through. He is my most strong-willed child. If anyone is going to cause my blood pressure to rise it is him. I don't know how to describe him other than once he decides he is not doing something, he.is.NOT. Not now, not ever. You can't coax or bribe. He's just DONE. I used to teach preschool and my degree is in early childhood education, but this child doesn't seem to be impressed by that. LOL!

I'm posting this today because Tuesdays are our Bible study days at church. Sometimes Declan goes right in to his Story Hour (an hour of Bible lesson for 3-4 year olds) time and other times, like today...nada. He balked at the door. I finally picked him up and walked in with him, but ultimately left him curled up in the corner of the room with his head buried into the floor repeating this grunting "no" sound. He wasn't screaming, wasn't flailing about. I thought he would come around (his cousin usually comes, but didn't come today) but then I found out that the little ones were going to be walking to each adult classroom to carol for us and hand out candies. Yeah. Um. We *tried* one rehearsal for the Christmas program at our church and it was a complete and utter failure. We didn't even bring him to church the night of the program. 100% not happening. So today the group came walking toward our room and Declan was in the back being carried by one of the teachers...and he was sobbing. Just heartbroken. I got up and went to him and took him in to be with me. He sat with me on his own chair in the Bible study, good as gold for the entire hour. Quiet, appropriate, adorable. But like I said, this is hit or miss. If his cousin comes he loves it.

It's the same on Sunday mornings for children's church. The kids go out during the first few minutes of the service while the adults are singing. I ALWAYS have to walk with him, but I also have to remain with him the entire time or he will not stay. It will be a sobbing mess if I try to leave...and it isn't that he's so traumatized, it's that he's got his mind set up and about it and that's that in his mind. Know how I know this? One week a few months ago he sat with my parents - mommy and daddy were not at church. When it was time for the kids to go out to the classroom my dad walked him about 10 feet to meet the group and then off he went...and stayed in there the entire time with no issues. But every time if it's us with him - he won't go without me staying (which I do).

Interestingly enough, we also belong to a local gym with childcare. Declan loves to go there. No problems with me leaving him (his twin sisters do stay with him there, maybe just the security he needs?). He especially loves it when he gets to play on the giant slides and indoor climbers. I have not had one single time when he has an issue with me leaving. Ever.

He is going to start preschool 3 mornings a week in Sept. Can I assume this will get better? I truthfully don't know what I'm doing wrong - I am open to any and all suggestions!! He makes me want to completely avoid anything at church, which I know is not the answer, either. Do you think he sees this as winning and losing like I'm making it in my mind, a power struggle to be fought? Or do you think this is just a stage and will pass?

He's strong-willed, yes, but he is GOOD for me 99% of the time. He's typical boy, he's naughty but I want him to be when it's appropriate. I'd worry if he wasn't. I can take him to the store, I can tell him no to things without him flying off the handle (which hasn't always been the case, but he's matured a bit). I just wish this one issue wasn't such a big one!

One of those tough issues...

2011-12-01T14:16:00.001-06:00

Caden has been complaining of back pain for over a week now. We know that when he complains we need to take action - he has a very high pain tolerance. I got him an appointment and we went this morning.

Before the appointment I had done lots of thinking. The one thought that kept coming back to me was, "I don't know the last time he's had a really good BM." I asked his teachers to let me know what they've charted and they said it was Nov 15 at school. I thought it had been longer than that at home but he's potty trained and typically takes care of it himself except for the wiping, and I have wiped him several times when he's come to me. However, I also know Caden has a "habit" of skidding his underwear with poop so figured it might have just been a smear of poop when I wiped...I wasn't sure.

Started chatting with the doctor and he said, "Tena, he's got classic encopresis." Now, I have heard about this and several kids with RTS have it, but I took it to mean it was constipation and Caden DOES poop, just not a LOT at one time. I figured since he was going SOME we were in the clear - he wasn't constipated. I was wrong. He did an exam and everything and Caden will pass it, but we have got to get him fully cleaned out with laxatives/suppositories and then start helping him learn how to deal with the encopresis.

Here's where I feel awful. I mean, I have sobbed about it awful. Our dr told me that "he can't help it, it's involuntary". I have punished Caden for it. I have gotten angry, I have raised my voice, I have told him I was unhappy with him. This has been going on for MONTHS if not closer to a year or more. I have been unkind to him because of something he cannot control. I just can't get past how terrible I feel about that. Caden is a sweet boy - he does not begrudge me my behavior, but I believe it may be making it worse (he's now afraid to go at all because mommy gets mad). My heart feels so heavy. I long for a little boy who can tell me, "Mom, I can't HELP it, it just comes out before I even know what's happening!!" but he cannot do that. I don't wish for him to be different, I just wish the whole situation were different in this moment.

Thank you for letting me get it out. I'm trying to let go of it. It's going to take some time.

Comparison steals our joy

2011-11-17T14:02:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I came to an astounding realization. A realization I posted on Facebook:

there comes a time in your life, sometimes all at once, where you realize if you spend your time being envious of the stages other families are at, you completely skip the precious stage you're currently living (enduring?). Vowing from this moment to live in our stage...and embrace the beautiful chaos it evokes.

Um, yes. A wise friend there shared this quote with me:

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Ummmm, yes. Isn't that so true??? Think about all the times when you thought "life is good" and then 2 minutes later you hear about something someone else has and you're wishing you had it, too. You've completely lost the "life is good" idea and gone straight for, "I want more out of this life. Other people have MORE, I want it, too."

I am CLASSIC for doing this. It's something I spend a great amount of time in prayer about. I think it's a tool the devil uses to pull us away from all the beautiful things God has given us and our thankfulness about those things...and to pull us toward negativity, bitterness and resentment. Who wants to live like that? Who would sign up for that? None of us, and yet we gravitate toward it daily, sometimes even minute-ly (I made it up, go with it).

So yesterday I made the decision to stop doing that. And yes, it's a process. And no, it won't happen overnight. And yes, I will have to make the decision time and time again. But I can do this. It's about my attitude. It's about being able to say, "I can't get to the gym more than once a week because my kids are little." and not seething inside because others can go whenever they want. There is absolutely no need to be pissy about silly stuff like that. I am thankful for my kids who need me, even though they NEEEEEEEEED me with more urgency than I can tolerate some days. I am blessed to be able to be home with them and snuggle them when they're sick (which they have been this week).

Really, it boils down to realizing that you can embrace the stage your family is in without giving up any joy. In fact, I think embracing that leads to greater joy indeed! I've always said it's when we compare ourselves to others we don't allow ourselves to feel deep emotions (so and so has it worse than me, I'll shut up); and when we compare ourselves to others we don't allow God to bless our socks off in the moment.

So today I've been watching for little moments and enjoying them. I hauled in a lighted snowman that's taller than the twins (doesn't take much) and plugged it in near the kitchen. Macey, the twin who always covers her eyes (LOL) when something might scare her (like any sort of animated toy at Walmart) hid in the laundry room but Maddy was right there to see. And within a few minutes, my girls had pure JOY over this little fellow! They were chatting it up with him, "Hi no-man!!" and I felt honored to be a part of it. I was glad that I was nowhere else and I wanted to be no one else other than the mommy of these 2 beauties. Not gonna give up any more of these moments.

Parenting Rule #49567

2011-10-29T21:10:00.002-05:00

Do not, under any circumstances, think it's ok to let your 7yo (plauged with generalized anxiety) watch the movie "Soul Surfer". I had watched it previously, and really didn't think the shark biting the girl's arm off was that scary. I loved the story line, loved the fact that it had a Christian message complete with Christian music, loved the story of triumph and hard work. I really thought it would be a good family movie for us to watch together.

It's 9:13 and Avery is still awake. She just chatted with James from the stairway. I asked him what the problem was and he summed it up in one word: "movie". Grrrrrreat.

Happy holiday!

2011-09-05T11:55:00.002-05:00

Why is it that we think we must jam-pack holidays with stuff? Today has been spent doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING so far...and James and I are feeling like we're not getting anything accomplished. That should be a good thing, right? We're trying to just enjoy the time with our kids (and the ahhhhhhhhhhhmazing weather to boot) but it's hard when you know there's projects that need finishing up.

After lunch my awesome father-in-law will be coming over to help us tackle our pack porch project. It's more of a covered cement slab with a few plants and our hottub on it, but it needs some painting and a post covered to look nicer and some finishing touches like that. It will be great to have done, I'm excited! We also bought a ceiling fan/light for outdoors that will go there that I cannot WAIT to have put up!

I have a few other little projects I'm working on, but there will be time. I just get so caught up in the fall frenzy! Forget spring cleaning, I am all about fall projects!

Some facebook sharing

2011-09-04T21:34:00.002-05:00

You know, just in case you think you want to be on Facebook but can't quite make yourself. There are some funny things happening over there! Ok, so mostly it's because I am nosey and want to know what's going on in everyone's lives.

I shared this tonight on Facebook (shorter on FB than here):
Tonight Macey took her diaper off and was walking around the living room, patting her bum and shouting, "NAKED! Naked butt!" I really couldn't be much prouder, honestly. But it's all about the fact that she was walking!

They walk more often than not anymore, and I absolutely love it. Madelyn is still a stronger walker, but they're pretty confident. They still love to reach out and grab your finger (or an older sib) to walk more confidently, but they're doing it.

So cute

2011-08-21T10:33:00.003-05:00

So yes, the twins are now officially walking. I say "officially" because I announced it on Facebook, thereby making it "Facebook official" and that is big. Madelyn is still out-walking Macey, but Macey only just started taking steps last week and went straight to full walking, so that doesn't surprise us. We made them walk hand-in-hand one night and that was all it took for Macey to realize she was more confident than she first thought!

In other cuteness, Madelyn now says "yeah" when you ask her things. For example, just now I said to her, "Do you have a blankie?" and she replied, "yeah" - precious!

A week out from surgery...

2011-08-16T14:23:00.002-05:00

and I am amazed at how well it went. I didn't do so great with the anesthesia part. They gave me a lot of anti-nausea stuff while I was still out, but I wonder if that actually made me more dizzy and yuck feeling. It took about 24-48 hours to recoup from that.

The pain has been quite minimal. I am surprised, however, at how often my kids whack me in the chest. That becomes PAINFULLY obvious once you cannot have them touching you there!

We're gearing up for school to start! I simply cannot wait. Caden will be entering 2nd grade and Avery 1st grade. We'll meet the teachers on Friday and school starts for both of them on Monday!

"Peanut butter starts with J"

2011-08-03T09:11:00.002-05:00

This was Caden's proclamation while helping me put groceries away last night. I was initially extremely proud of him for all the connections, but I did have to explain a bit to him about brands and marketing. "Mommy chooses from all the peanut butters, and mommy chooses JIF [y'know, cuz choosy moms choose JIF]. And yes, JIF starts with J." After I asked him what Ppppeanut butter actually does start with, he told me "P!" He amazes me so often.

Breast specialist, she is!

2011-07-20T13:38:00.003-05:00

I have to say, she knows her way around a boob. James wondered if he could go back to school to do that. Heather says it's probably too obvious - school wouldn't let him in. I have to agree with Heather on this one.

So yeah, I had my appointment with the doctor today. Honestly, we don't know much more. Well, that's not entirely true. We know it (the mass) is coming out. We know that's going to happen on August 8 at 11am in Des Moines. What we don't know is if it's completely benign or not. It sure appears to be, and the doctor felt pretty confident about that today. But sometimes, pathology can find something else. And that is where I'm praying the fear away. I can call to find out pathology results on Aug 11 after 1:30pm. Do not attempt to call me or speak to me at 1:30 and 01seconds.

My mom came with me. Glad to have her there because they asked a whole lot of questions about grandparents and family members, many of which I did not have the answers to. And glad to have her there because sometimes, a girl just needs her mom.

Thank you for supporting us! And thank you for supporting my boobs. I know, I just, in one measly second, made you feel as if you were a bra. But I really do mean it. Thanks!

My turn for medical

2011-07-13T12:11:00.004-05:00

Normally I spend my time planning my kids' next doctor visits, from well-child appointments to a tonsillectomy for Avery coming up in 2 weeks. I'm pretty good at keeping track of all that, and used to worrying about this, that and everything.

It's now my turn to worry...about myself.

On Thursday I went for my routine physical. Now I want to be upfront and let you know that it's been over 2 years since I have gone, and in that same time span I have lost the equivolent of a 2nd grader in terms of weight. At the breast exam part my doctor paused. Then came the question, "Have you always had this?" Uhh, apparently not, because I have no idea what you're talking about. But I felt it myself - big, BIG lump there.

Then begins the dance with medical imaging at the hospital. I finally get scheduled for Wed (today) in the morning. So I had 5 days to obsess and "pinch my boob" as Avery kept asking me why in the world I was doing that.

Heather came to watch my kids and to the hospital I went. While I was waiting in the Women's Imaging Center this guy walks in. This guy is my husband. He got off work to come be with me!!!! And then he got kicked out, because men can't be in the Women's Imaging Center...but it was really stinking sweet. Then came the mammogram. People, it does NOT hurt. All the horror stories, all the reasons I was nearly pooping myself, all for naught. It doesn't hurt. Does it feel like a tickle? Sheeeeeeeeeeetno, but come on, you knew it wouldn't be comfy. After that I went to the ultrasound, where James was allowed. Incidentally it was the same ultrasound room where I was when I was shocked to learn we were having twins! Good times.

The important doctor came in then and gave us the news. I have a very rare thing called a hamartoma. Apparently it's an encapsulated growth of junk - I dunno what's all in there but it's fat and tissue and more fat and more breast tissue. I've likely had it all my life and it just grew as my boobs grew. It grew lots though. He said it's the size of an ostrich egg. I looked that up. It's 7inx5in. Holy..... He made sure to tell us that it wasn't cancer. And he made sure to tell us that it was very rare. Multiple times. Which doesn't surprise us in the least. That's just how James and I roll!

On my way home my family doctor called. He was more honest with me, which I love. He said it CAN be cancer, but we won't be totally sure until I see a breast specialist, which is scheduled for a week from today. It will likely need to come out, which could make for a rather pancakey shaped boob on the left side. I mean get real, removing something the size of an ostrich egg from a breast would pretty much leave...nothing. I couldn't tell you how I feel about this, other than I've always called my boobs "rocks in socks" because they hang so low, so maybe I'll end up getting perkies with insurance paying for it all! Always a silver lining, friends.

I'm scared. I have to be honest. I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to be sick. I don't want to have surgery. But I'm trusting and praying and leaning on supportive family and friends. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. Amen!

Yep, it's us

2011-07-07T22:30:00.001-05:00

Tonight it was our turn for bedtime on our own again (aka, no Heather). Declan did fine at first and after about 15 minutes the screaming began. I had him talk to Heather on the phone, but that didn't work either. The screaming lasted for (only) 30 minutes, so I'd say it's a real success. Here's to hoping we're on our way to scream-free bedtimes!

Pretty sure it's us (the parents)

2011-07-07T13:53:00.003-05:00

So after the 2.5 hour screaming fit on Tuesday night we came to Wednesday. Declan woke up in a very good mood (normally he wakes up screaming, but Wed morning he did not) and we went about our day. Our friends came over for supper and Heather blessed me by giving all 3 of my little kids a bath and putting them to bed for me...have I mentioned I adore her? Well wouldn't you know it, she put Declan to bed, laid down the law (he was thinking of crying) and that boy didn't make a peep. No crying, no screaming, no chaos, just right to sleep and out for the night.

Guess what? The problem lies with Declan's parents. I think we knew that already, but it's always good to get reinforcement. LOL!

It's 10pm

2011-07-05T22:03:00.001-05:00

and yes, he is still screaming.

Declan, sweet Declan

2011-07-05T21:09:00.002-05:00

This boy. He can break my heart and piss me off in the same second...much like he's doing as I type. I am currently blogging so that I don't go in there and regret my actions later.

Apparently there's an issue with bedtime. The issue is that Declan does not want it to be bedtime. So he's taken to screaming for an hour or more each night at bedtime. I wouldn't mind so much, but the twins "sleep" directly next door to him while he shrieks out "mommmy!!!" "daddy!!!!" at the top of his lungs. How he can keep that up I simply do not know. There must be some sort of 3 year old code that allows him to perpetuate the unwanted behavior for hours at a time. Such pleasantries.

We moved Declan to a big boy bed in April. Things were actually going very well until about late May. By late May we had some issues with him coming out of his room at bedtime. We have the rule that you do not have to stay in bed, but you do have to stay in your room. To combat his coming out of his room we put a pressure mounted gate across the doorway to his room, but we ONLY put it up if we found him meandering around the house after bedtime. He KNEW it was coming and always ran directly back to his room...we just put the gate up without saying a word (we talked with him about it every night at bedtime). The gate ALWAYS caused a huge meltdown. I'm not talking just crying but full blown screaming in anger. He knew it was coming, but yet he flipped out every time. The screaming usually lasted over an hour.

Now he's taken to crying and screaming every single night after we leave the room. He has 2 nightlights, he often sleeps with the overhead light on (his choice, he gets up and turns it on), and we leave the door open. There is absolutely NOTHING that works to get him to stop screaming. We've tried the threat of the gate and then had to follow through with that (which is somewhat backwards and confusing to him, I would guess) ... you name it, we've tried it. He doesn't nap at all during the day. One day last week he DID nap and then the screaming lasted until 11pm. NO NAPS. He goes to bed around 7:30-8 (this is moved back from winter time, when they're all in bed around 7pm). When you ask him why he's crying he says it's because he doesn't want to go to bed. Fine, I get that, but quit the screaming!!! I cannot CANNOT get him to be quiet about it, and he sleeps right next to the twins, so I HATE how it all plays out.

I think it's a phase. I think he'll stop doing it in a few months. I think we need to NOT go in there AT ALL so he gets no reward for the behavior. Or do you have any other thoughts? We're an hour into the screaming at this point. All the other kids have been quiet for a solid 45 minutes. Declan, you challenge me.

Helllloooo blog!

2011-06-17T12:55:00.003-05:00

I am horrible about blogging. Mostly it's because I feel like nothing exciting is happening, so not much new to post really!

Summer is in full swing. Mornings are spent at home, or hanging out at Heather's or driving around running errands where the vehicle is always in full sight so I can run the errand and not have to haul everyone out - this morning was garden centers which worked out perfect! Then we came home and planted which was fun for everyone.

Declan is basically fully pee trained, down to now telling us when he has to go. Pooping is another story, but we're getting there. Somewhere along the lines he learned the phrase "I promise" and he always tells me that after saying he won't poop in his underwear anymore. Very cute, but very obvious he has no idea what "I promise" actually means.

Avery is a big helper to me with the twins this summer. While I planted this morning she had both of them up on the trampoline and was bouncing them, rolling with them, just plain entertaining them for almost an hour while I was working. Avery is learning that mommy is not going to do everything for her anymore, and that comes with a bit of resistance. She "doesn't want" to do things, and she tells me that very matter-of-factly. Having Caden as our oldest has allowed all of our kids to be babied a bit in terms of how much mom and dad help them with...we're slowing making Avery do more and it's been interesting. :)

Caden is having a good time riding his outdoor toys this summer. Caden has an extremely hard time leaving his hands off people (including strangers) and while it's not typically a rough touch it is apparently EXTREMELY annoying to younger siblings. He spent a week at Vacation Bible School and it went very well. I'm always a bit anxious about how he's going to do but he did excellent!

Macey and Madelyn will be turning TWO on July 8! I can hardly believe it, either. No, they still are not walking but do take lots of steps when motivated. They are chatterboxes, too. Macey out talks Madelyn (there's not a word Macey won't try to repeat, note to yourself). They are very fond of routine and give you quite a screaming fit if you change things up.

James is really enjoying work at Vermeer! It is so wonderful to have him in good spirits (almost) all of the time!

I'm just doing the mom thing! Still sllllllowly losing weight but I try not to let that be my entire train of thought. I am, however, enjoying buying new clothes in sizes I haven't seen since high school. James isn't as thrilled about that as I am. I've learned I have to tell him my excitement about the size first, so that he can act happy for me BEFORE he knows I had to buy new to realize the new size. That worked the first few items, now he's on to me.

I feel like I just wrote a Christmas letter or something. That's a quick recap of our lives!!

It's happening again...

2011-06-01T12:49:00.002-05:00

I'm potty training someone again. I've decided Declan is ready and we are going for broke. Yesterday was day 1. After a long battle I finally got underwear on him. After a few hours he was standing in the living room and he hollered out, "I spilled! I spilled!!!!!!!!!!" No, you peed buddy. Accident #1.

After lunch he came running up to me and said, "Mommy, I have to go pee." I praised him and took him to the potty and discovered that he had already GONE pee. Accident #2.

He then had some wetness in his underwear but nothing major until about 7:30pm...

I had him sit and try before bed. A lot of crying and tantruming went on from him. He also likes to PUSH really hard which I think keeps the pee from coming out. Regardless, he had SUCCESS, and a lot of it!

Today we have had no success but also no accidents!

Lost some motivation

2011-05-22T21:26:00.002-05:00

So it was over a month ago that I made it to ONEderland. Sad part about that is I am still there at 199. It's like I got there and decided to quit. I know HOW to do it, I just am tired of it I think. I want to eat. I want to eat like there's no tomorrow. I want to do that because it feels good and because I've always done that. It's hard to give up my good friend, food.

I've started adding exercise. It's fun, because I am walking with my bestie Heather. It's not fun because it's exercise. Haaaaaaaaa! I also have something on the top of my foot that makes walking painful a bit - a ganglion cyst, from all my web-md'ing. I really don't want to have that removed, but it is causing quite a bit of pain and I think it needs to be drained. *shudder*

So. I'd like to get back into the swing of things. I'd like to see that scale start moving down, down, down. I just need some motivation back. It's hard to find it!!

A first

2011-05-17T08:11:00.002-05:00

You may think this means the twins are walking. You would be wrong.

This is another first for our family. It's medical related. It's having all 5 kids on an antibiotic for the same condition at the same time. We officially hate strep throat.

It all started last week Monday. Avery came down with a big fever and said her tummy ached. I waited until Tuesday when I finally took her in. Sure enough, strep was positive. Antibiotics for Avery.

All was smooth sailing until Saturday. Saturday morning Madelyn had thrown up when I went to get her out of her crib. She was super hot with fever as well. So I was getting her ready to go to Urgent Care a few hours later when Macey started being really fussy. I picked her up and snuggled her and she.was.hot. Sure enough, 101.6. So I started getting Madelyn AND Macey ready for Urgent Care. At the hospital I explained that Avery was being treated for strep and the dr simply looked in their throats and said it was enough for him. Antibiotics for the twins.

Saturday afternoon brought Avery's dance recital. We were gone to that and James came home while Avery and mommy went for supper with grandma. While we were still gone, Declan threw up all over. James said he thought he felt hot as well. Oh joy! Mind you, this is after 7pm on a Saturday. So when I got home I called the ER and talked with a nurse. They simply called a prescription in for him that we could pick up on Sunday morning - yes! Antibiotics for Declan.

Caden is my healthy one. After his first few years he sorta owes me that. Sunday night we couldn't find him. James finally tracked him down in the bathroom - vomiting all over. ARGH! So I called back to the ER and they told me to go ahead and give him some of the twins' meds as they were calling in the same stuff for him, and then when I picked up his antibiotic Monday I could replenish theirs. Antibiotics for Caden.

Today is Tuesday. Everyone is back to school. The twins are still sleeping. I'm praying we're on the road to full recovery!

I made it to ONEderland!!!!

2011-04-18T14:14:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning I hopped on that scale and it said 199.8!!!!!!!!!! I haven't seen the 100's in probably 10 years. Awesome milestone! Here are some pictures taken by Avery, the first in July and the 2nd just yesterday. I don't know what I weighed in July but holy...no one tells a girl she's fat until later, huh?

I have lost just over 67 pounds since starting to give a crap about 15 months ago. I still have another 60ish pounds I'd like to lose but now I know I can do it!

He won. He won? He won!

2011-04-12T13:45:00.004-05:00

Caden went to district qualifiers today for Special Olympics (which will be held at the end of May). Caden was set to compete in the softball throw and the 50m dash. I honestly thought the 50m dash part was hilarious - have you ever SEEN Caden run? It's more like a trot, an adorable trot but still just a trot. I've never seen him with a full-out, unabashed run.

His teachers have been telling me how it all works: they time/measure him at school and send the times in to Special Olympics. He is then grouped with other like-abled individuals (ages 8-11) and then he competes against those kids today. The best time today wins. Gotcha.

So first up was the softball throw. We were able to sneak him in line a touch early since we were there and ready. I noticed that the kids who were throwing before and after him CHUCKED that ball. Caden? Not so much. That's because it wasn't quite time for his group yet, but we got him in early. If he would have been throwing at the same time as the kids who threw as far as he usually did I would have been able to better compare. I didn't really realize that at the time, but it started to make sense as the day progressed. So at this point we have no idea how he did...

Next we moved on to the 50m dash. There was a lot of waiting for this one, but it gave his teacher time to show Caden just what to do and what was expected.

It just made me so emotional to see all these kids with sheer joy on their faces running down the track! Some of them walked, some didn't want to go at all, and some stopped halfway and turned around. The crowd was so supportive, clapping for all racers. I had Macey and Madelyn with me and they liked watching all the racers, too.

Caden's time put him nearly at the end of all the heats with only 2 other little boys. Here he is over to the right, making fast friends with all the young lady volunteers, lol:

The shot was fired, and Caden ran. He ran! He ran all the way to the end without stopping, even as mommy was right next to the track, cheering him on! I know you can't zoom in, but I was able to on my camera and there is a HUGE smile on his face!

I got down to the end to get him and he really didn't seem that proud, just more of his usual "leave me alone mom, I'm strutting my stuff!" His teacher got down to me at the end of the track and said, "He won!" and it dawned on me - he came across the finish line first! I was so dang proud of him for running without quitting that it never occurred to me that he WON! I started crying over that...wow, he won! Next she said, "This means we go twice in May, first day for cycling and the next day for track and field!" WOW!

So we headed back to the gym to get Caden's sack lunch and watch his friend Miss K participate in her events. The gym is also where each school has a box and they put ribbons in there for the kids who earn them. His teacher came walking back to me, wide-eyed with 2 blue ribbons in her hand. She said, "They're both his." I thought, cool! And then I looked at them. They say FIRST PLACE. (And now I stand here at the laptop bawling again.) He also got first in the softball throw! So on track and field day he will compete in TWO events!

I can't explain to you what I'm feeling, but I knew I had to get home and write about it. I wanted to process it and see if I could figure out what I'm feeling. I'm proud, of course, but more than that I stand in awe. I'm so glad I went along today...it was one of those things I wasn't totally sure I needed to be at but I NEEDED to be there. I can't believe that this little boy, the one I wasn't sure what to do with as a newborn, the one I wasn't sure I WANTED as a newborn, the one who I have cried buckets over and prayed over and stressed over - this little boy is nothing short of spectacular. Just when I begin to forget that, God reminds me, and today He did so in a huge way. We live in a world that just can't help it - first place is a BIG deal. And today I got to feel the beauty of my kid being a winner in the world's eyes. For once he wasn't the last to walk, last to talk, last to potty train. He was first. And he was first twice over.

I so clearly heard the words to one of my favorite Signing Time songs as today has played over and over in my head. Here are some of the lyrics. It's a perfect way to describe Caden and how he SHINES. You shine, Caden. Love you forever.

Sometimes I see you stuck
For such a long time
A daily nothing new
Pretend I don’t mind
With lists of things you’ll never do
Until somehow you do
And you do — you do — you shine

The days and months and years,
they run together
Is it just one day? Or is this forever?
You’ve taught me in your lifetime
More than I’d learned in mine
And you do, you do, you shine

Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine
Shine your light on me
Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine
everyone will see
Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine
I’m so glad you are mine
And you’ll shine in your own time

Well, maybe I’m too close to see you clearly
Or is it now my role to simply believe?
You’re just one of those mysteries
That may never be solved in time
But you do — you do — you shine

Brutal mommy honesty.

2011-04-04T14:01:00.002-05:00

If we aren't honest, then what are we? And if we aren't honest about how hard it is to be a mom, then we're lying only to ourselves.

Being 3 is hard. It's hard for the 3 year old's mom. Declan breezed through the first few years of his life but hit 3 in January and his horrid-ness vomited all over our lives. Honestly, he was my BEST baby, most laid back, easy going, a pleasure to be around. Now I don't care for it when I hear him in the mornings. I know soon after breakfast I'm going to hear, "I wanna snaaaaaack." Actually, I will probably hear that while he's still eating breakfast. It's habit for him, one I want to break. Badly.

And he's just generally whiney. And I mean whiney in the most annoying, baby-talking noise you can imagine. Fingernails on chalkboards seem like Kindergarten play to this kid.

This weekend I was talking to my BFF and I (jokingly) asked her which of her kids was her favorite. I knew the answer would be "I don't have a favorite" - which is the correct answer. All moms know that. I replied simply with this: "I couldn't tell you who my favorite is, either, but I'm certain it isn't Declan."

FYI - Purex 3-in-1 sheets are not meant for front loading washers

2011-03-29T14:03:00.000-05:00

I went hog-wild at Wal-Mart about a week ago and bought tons of packages of the Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets. I had 20 of the $3/1 coupons and ended up getting each package for free, and then they owed ME $2.03...on each one. It was an awesome deal but my friends and family mocked me mercilessly because it took about 45 minutes to check out (the store didn't believe me at first, but then found the new policy so accepted it) and they thought it was ridiculous. I thought I was brilliant. I ended up MAKING $40.60 and walking out with 20 (trial sized) packages of Purex. Score one for the extreme couponer wannabe.

Fast forward to today. There were probably at least 5 loads of laundry that went through our machine yesterday. Today I started early with the boys' sheets. I noticed that the washer was taking forever to get done and it kept switching over to pause and then finally just turning off and not draining or spinning. We've only had our washer/dryer set for 10 months so I called the appliance store and they were literally here in under 2 hours (go, them!). He figured out right away that the draining was the problem, and said it was probably the drain pump. Not an easy fix. He also said that sometimes kids' socks will get stuck in the pump's basket and once you pull that out it functions fine so we'll hope for that (although THAT'S not covered by warranty, sigh). He pulled it apart and there was something stuck in there...I'm guessing you can guess what it was...

Yes, a stupid Purex 3-in-1 sheet plugging it up! Aauuugh! He showed me where things can slip between the seal and the machine, right down into the pump and sure enough, those things are just thin enough to do just that. He said this isn't the first time he's seen one of those stuck, either, and it will probably cost us more than the $40.60 I "made".

SO! Do not use those if you have a front loader. He actually told me to just stick it in a mesh laundry bag with socks or something and then I'd still be able to use them all up so I don't have to just throw them away - brilliant! But I'd like to save you from a repair bill if you're thinking of using them.

= evil

A bit of a setback

2011-03-07T14:12:00.002-06:00

So I posted about how I wanted to reach ONEderland by my birthday. Fail. Today is said birthday (and it's snowing, that is just wrong) and I am not there. I did sort of set my goal a little lofty, especially for someone who loathes exercise. I'm not disappointed, but I want to remain accountable to myself. I've had a wonderful weekend of traveling with my 3 oldest and James to Wisconsin Dells and visiting with the other midwest RTS families, but it was not good for the calorie aspect. Today I am giving myself the day off (I had malted milk balls for lunch, darn that Easter candy!!) but tomorrow I am back on track. The next time I talk about weight loss I will have reached 199.x. Ta-ta for now!

Holy health-related craziness

2011-02-25T08:42:00.004-06:00

Sooo, I guess we can count on February being a banner month for our family. Last year it meant whooping cough for James and both twins, leading to an ambulance ride for Macey and several hospital stays. The twins also both had RSV last Feb. Which leads me to THIS Feb...

All 5 kids have been sick with one thing or another. First it was strep, which made its way through the ranks. Now it's the tummy flu, which started with Madelyn on Wednesday, then moved to Macey Thursday and also to Declan Thursday night. This morning (Friday) Macey has thrown up a few more times but Madelyn and Declan seem to be doing ok...though Declan hasn't had a thing to eat or drink. I'm being cautious, especially considering the fact that he's laying on our bed watching cartoons right now. Here's a picture of Madelyn from earlier in the week. All she wanted to do was lay down and sleep, wherever she was:

Which leads me back to Monday (still in Feb, noted). Avery fell off the monkey bars at school, hurting her wrist. Her teacher called me when Avery was on the bus and told me about it, so I watched her when she got home - I could tell there was a problem. Off to the ER we went and she has a buckle fracture to both bones in her wrist! She got a splint in the ER, and she wore it proudly. We had to amputate one of the sleeves of a pair of winter jammies but I'm ready to amputate winter anyway:

She was ready to go to school the very next morning! All smiles, what a trooper:

And on Wednesday she had a regular cast put on. She wanted RED (daddy's favorite color) and she is so proud of it. I finally talked her into letting me write on it and I wrote "mommy loves you!" with a little heart. She loved it and is taking the Sharpie to school today to let her classmates have at it! We'll see what it looks like after school. Here's yesterday, after I wrote my message:

As of this morning...

2011-02-07T08:44:00.002-06:00

I now weigh what I did when I got pregnant for the very first time (found out 9 years ago on Valentine's Day)! It's good to see that number on the scale and know that I am so close to the 100s. Down over 55 pounds and still going. I still am reaching for ONEderland by my 33rd birthday (Mar 7) - best gift I think I could give to myself. That feeling will be amazing!

A time for everything...

2011-02-03T12:50:00.002-06:00

and apparently it's finally my time to be sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and I have a sinus infection and more than likely I also have pneumonia. I started on an antibiotics yesterday and today I am honestly feeling better. Thankful for that!

What makes me feel bad is that Caden is also sick, Avery is sick and they are both feeling pretty miserable. Caden has a fever more than anything else and Avery is struggling with the same awful runny nose/head cold that I have. Today we finally had school after after the blizzard and everyone is here at home with me. We just put the twins down for a nap and the big kids are upstairs watching iCarly with me. Ok, so they're watching and I'm blogging.

I have a feeling no one will be going to school tomorrow, either. It's a time to recover. If you recall our whooping cough episodes of last year at this time, we'll take what's going on now over that for sure! If that doesn't put things in perspective, I don't know what will. (It was Feb. 5 last year I had to call the ambulance to come get little Macey because she coughed SO hard I was worried she wouldn't breathe!)

James got an unexpected day off yesterday due to the weather so he was home to help me and allow me to get to the doctor. Rumor has it he now might be working on Saturday all day...cooooooooooooooooool. You'll have to forgive me, I just feel like complaining today.

Connecting with your spouse

2011-01-19T13:57:00.003-06:00

I still have questions about this arena, and we've been married a while. Right now, James and I would love nothing more than to go away overnight for two nights: eat when we want, sleep when we want, talk without interruption and just basically do a whole lot of NOTHING. Because let's face it, when we'd come home (if we decided to) there'd be a whole lot of EVERYTHING to do.

We feel weekends away are crucial but it is just not a reality for us at this point in our lives. I mean I'm not blind, we've "done it to ourselves" by having more kids than is really necessary. (Yes, I did just say that I will will NEVER say who the unnecessary one/s is/are/mightbe.) The burden of asking someone to take 5 kids for a weekend is just, well, it's a lot. And we take it very seriously. That being said, we can't help but long for it because this is a season of our lives where it's not happening. We always want what we can't have. Just ask Declan (who turned 3 on Monday, had a "monkey cake!", and always, alllllways wants what he can't have).

Which brings me back to the title subject. How do you reconnect with your spouse when you have lots of children or when you maybe only have a few children but don't have reliable babysitting? And I want your feedback on this, because I want to know, too!

All too often after our kids are in bed (they are good about bedtime, everyone's down and out by 7:30 and no one makes surprise visits out to the living areas, bless them, I've scared them well) James and I just want to catch up on our favorite things and enjoy the silence. We've joked that our ears ring and almost hurt from the silence after our kids are in bed and that's really not too far from the truth. I tend to gravitate toward the computer (I know, you're shocked) and James grabs his iPod and crashes in front of the tv. We don't MAKE time to just be together, and this gets to be a problem. We miss each other, but we don't work at spending quality time together. So maybe, connecting with your spouse has a lot more to do with behaviors than it does with the knowledge of what to do to reconnect.

Some little things we do, in case you're looking for a little morsel of something from all this rambling:
1. We serve the kids supper first. Yes, they all sit down and eat around 4:50-5:00 while we run around like crazy getting refills and seconds and MORE APPLESAUCE PLEASE! Sometimes James will sit down with them and I'll do what James has named "The Negative Calorie Meal" - if I've eaten too many calories already during the day I won't eat and will just do all the running for supper. I actually burn calories during a meal and don't take a single one in. ANYWAY! We serve the kids first so that when they are done, WE can sit down together as two and eat food that's actually still hot and have a semi-decent conversation. We are able to chat entirely about the kids' days while they eat and we don't feel POed that we can't talk to each other. Win-win-win-winner on dinner!
2. We put a tv in our bedroom, and got an electric blanket for Christmas. It works for us. We're drawn to the bed because it's allllll cozy and warm, plus there's the added benefit of tv viewing, connected to our DVR so we can catch up on all the important shows. Lordie, we sound so pampered!

So there's some ideas to get the ball rolling. What do YOU do?

Two babies and a banana.

2011-01-13T08:14:00.002-06:00

You'd swear I've never given my kids fruit. Ok, so I am terrible about it and I'm just now incorporating them into the twins' diet regularly. Sue me, they're 18 months old but I've been sorta busy - they had them as infants but I've gotten out of habit. My older kids eat them fine so I'm doing something right. Annnnnyway yeah, just now giving them to the twins.

Madelyn has this *precious* habit of taking whatever she doesn't like and throwing it straight to the floor. To be more correct, she actually takes whatever she doesn't THINK she'll like (without sampling) and throws it straight to the floor. Macey will usually just politely ignore it and eat all around it. I'm appreciative of Macey at mealtimes.

So a few days ago I introduced banana at a snacktime. They both sampled - Macey put it back on the tray without sampling again and Madelyn's taste buds can apparently decide in .05 seconds that she doesn't like banana. Down to the floor it went. I ignored. I tried again yesterday morning at breakfast. To my amazement, Macey sampled again - and she liked it! She is eating banana with no problem! Which leads us to Madelyn...

She tosses. And tosses. And honestly if you put it on her tray before anything else, she will become angry with you. Downright honked off, thank you very much. I tried that this morning at breakfast and she.was.mad. I guess I just keep trying!

We go to their 18 month well-child checkups this morning! I'll update with how they're doing later. Ta-ta!

A teacher who believes in your SN child...

2011-01-06T15:54:00.004-06:00

is worth more than any gift I've ever been given. Caden's 1st grade teacher this year is nothing short of phenomenal. I literally just hung up the phone from her calling me to tell me about some big successes Caden has had in the classroom. They (the students) were going around in a circle, telling her what sound each letter group made - ir, or, etc. It came to Caden's turn and he had "er". He nailed it. They went around again and he nailed it a second time. No fluke. Came around again and she challenged him with a new one - qu. "Qwah," said my boy!!!! I literally have tears running down my face. She just believes in him so much! She said she just feels so confident he is going to read. I'm so excited about that, too!! I just feel so blessed, so very blessed that God has given us this amazing woman to spend the year with him. He's doing so very well!!

Happy 2011!

2011-01-01T09:08:00.002-06:00

I just can hardly believe it. 2010 was a great year really, aside from whooping cough, multiple hospitalizations, job changes, money uncertainty...ok so it really wasn't that awesome.

However! I did lose 50 pounds in 2010 so that's awesome!

I'm excited about 2011. I plan to lose as much weight as possible (another 75 is my goal) to reach my goal weight. I want to see the twins (finally) start walking! I want to see sir Declan potty train. I want so many things and we'll see how God sorts it all out!

I am not the kind to make New Year's Resolutions. Mostly that's because I never want to be disappointed! But I can promise you this much - I am determined to make 2011 a year that I remember...for lots of good things!

Bragging on my Caden!

2010-12-21T20:58:00.001-06:00

Today Cay came home from school early - fever. Didn't surprise me as one of the twins has strep throat (I know, don't ask - how does a 17mo old get strep before any of the other kids??). I brought him to the dr after calling for an appt because he's also had a lot of peeing accidents as of lately. He's *mostly* trained but we still have some accidents, but it's been a LOT of accidents lately and I wanted to be sure everything was ok.

Anyway. I brought urine along, it was clear. We battled through a throat swab (he actually essentially punched our awesome dr in the face, gotta love kids who don't understand and have oral defensiveness) which was negative for strep. We started antibiotics as he DID have an ear infection.

ANYWAY! He's been out of sorts all day, but I asked him to get ready for bed. I always ask him to get ready for bed, and I always help him all the way. Tonight...he put his own pullup on and pulled it up. He put on his pants. He put on his shirt. He came to me FULLY DRESSED for bed and I didn't have to do ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! I have waited 8 years for this with him! I am just so proud I could burst!!!

Ni ni little man. I hope you feel better in the morning.

Ave's thoughts on singing for the old folks.

2010-12-17T13:22:00.002-06:00

Today Avery's class is going with the other K class to sing for the "grandpas and grandmas" at the old folks' home. I'm not sure if there was a rather rousing conversation that went on at school or what, but both James and I have heard these exact words out of her mouth about the whole situation (on many, separate occasions):

We're going to sing for the grandpas and grandmas. They're deaF, not deaD. Do you hear that F at the end? Yeah, they're deaF. We have to sing really loud so they can hear us.

Holy mother of hilarious.

Bye-bye ba-bas!

2010-12-15T12:33:00.003-06:00

No more bottles! Quite frankly, the twins did it for us. One day they refused the naptime bottles. The next they refused the nighttime bottles. And they BOTH refused on the SAME days/times! I really thought they needed the formula to make it through the night but I was totally wrong. It's been well over a week since they've had a bottle. It's bittersweet, because I loved watching them take that bottle with both hands and suck it down, but I'm so glad we're done with it as well.

The twins are 17 months now and pretty good about getting where they need to be. They still motate via army crawl for the most part, but they are doing more up on hands and knees crawling every day. Macey pulls to stand a LOT - you often find her standing next to something, even transferring back and forth to things next to her. Madelyn will pull up as well, though not as often. Both girls like to climb - they go all the way up our stairs and will get on top of boxes or on the bottoms of tables if they have an extra shelf at the bottom. Madelyn has also figured out how to go down stairs - she spins herself around on her tummy and goes back, one at a time. Macey followed suit just today and went down, too!

And now, for something to lighten the mood...

2010-12-09T13:52:00.002-06:00

There's always hope. And I find an immense amount of hope in humor. Enjoy this!

TRUTH for mature humans:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Budweiser than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies.....Quit Laughing.)

Merry Christmas?

2010-12-08T10:38:00.003-06:00

It should be merry, but things are stressful for us. While money has always been tight, we've never before been worried. Now, James would tell you that I am worried more than I should be, but isn't that what women are supposed to do? :) It is a very good time for us to learn to trust in God. A trusted friend told me this week that God isn't going to let us fall. That made me feel so much better because I know it's the truth. There's something to be learned in every situation, something that God needs you to hear or know. The hardest part is the patience through the journey - we want to know what life holds for us on the other end.

James worked for years in a job that didn't fulfill him. He was miserable, unhappy and lost. We finally found a job (albeit on a part-time basis, but would still provide for our family) that seemed like the perfect fit. And the job itself IS a perfect fit. The problem lies in the fact that this job currently doesn't have enough hours available, and no one saw that caveat coming...least of all, us. Initially they had to work hard to keep his hours low enough because there was so much work. Now...well now that isn't the case. At all.

It's one of those things that I'm sure thousands of people have been through, are going through, are fearing. You just don't assume things will work out that way for you. And let me say this - you do NOT understand what it is like to be in the situation until you are in it. I thought I was so compassionate, so understanding, so able to put myself in the place of someone going through this. And I was not. At all.

We covet your prayers. We are positive God is rowing our little boat with us, but we are learning to let him take the oars more. And we fully agree with this quote: We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

When your 2 year old asks you...

2010-11-15T20:40:00.003-06:00

"Where's your bra?" you know it's time to:

a) put one back on
b) stop using adult language in front of your tot
c) get your jammie shirt on MUCH quicker
d) all of the above

I'll let you decide.

Hello, daddy? 'Dis Macey!

2010-10-27T14:57:00.005-05:00

Sometimes, a picture says it all:

and sometimes, Tena still needs to say stuff. No, Macey doesn't talk that well yet (she doesn't talk at all yet actually, and neither does her baby sister) but that was a cute title, no? Yes. Love my babies!

Food battles ala Declan

2010-10-26T10:59:00.004-05:00

This boy is something else. He would survive on Pop-Tarts alone if we would allow it. We fight him to eat. Period. It's not about battling for fruits and veggies (forget those), we have battles of will just for taking one bite of something. I decided to capture one of our usual mealtimes with him in pictures. It's me, sitting across the table from him, asking him to eat one half of a chef boyardee ravioli. NOT HEALTHY. Super kid friendly. You'd think we were asking him to eat asparagus. Raw. His motivation? An early piece of Caden's birthday cake (this was the day before C's 8th birthday on Sunday).

"Take a bite and then you can have the cake!"

The cake was pushed right up in front of him as motivation...he took the bait!

Now I can use the fork for cake! (Note the leftover ravilolis - he didn't have many to begin with and only ate that one half.)

I believe he thinks he has won.

It's baby steps with this boy. We are working HARD to make sure he's hungry at mealtimes. limiting snacks, etc. He's a buggar.

Mischief is brewing

2010-10-25T13:18:00.003-05:00

It's so cute with two. Like today, they were both scooting forward, army-crawl style, and they bumped their heads together. They looked at each other and laughed. It was priceless. And when one takes off across the room the other follows behind. I'm also now catching them sitting up when they had been scooting around. Most of the time that's because they pull up on something low and then can't get back down, but still, they're figuring it out! Here's a few pictures of them getting around lately:

Madelyn left, Macey right. Should we or shouldn't we...try the stairs...

Macey tries, but thinks better of it.

Madelyn left, Macey right. Macey was here first, and Madelyn thought it looked like fun...

until Macey started pushing her away.

And another of Madelyn, because I think it's absolutely adorable!!

Do I need to post with more pictures?

2010-10-17T22:04:00.002-05:00

I do, don't I. You can say it. I know it's true. It's like one of those things that I know is true but I don't want to do anything about. It sort of like someone walking out of a bathroom stall with toilet paper hanging from their pants. You know you should say something but you really don't want to. Or it's like when you *toot* silently in a large group of people and you know you should say something but you just simply cannot admit that you did it. Not that that's ever happened to me or anything.

More pictures. Ok, working on it....

More milestones for Macey and Madelyn

2010-10-15T08:15:00.002-05:00

Now they're pulling up on things like steps and fireplace hearths and stepstools. They don't get up on their feet but up on their knees to whack at what's above. It is TOO cute!! (If I do say so myself.)

Wanna see some pics of my crew?

2010-10-11T21:53:00.002-05:00

My friend (and talented photographer) came over Saturday morning to get some pictures of the kids. I decided to get in on the action a bit, too - you know those awesome pictures you see of a mom all in play with her kids? Yeah, we didn't get a lot like that but we both had some good ideas! Caden and Declan were seriously SERIOUSLY uncooperative. You can see that in a lot of shots. I'm sporting myself down 40 pounds from January (go, me!) and am determined to love me and the mommy I am to my beautiful children! They light up my life. Let me know what your favorites are - I'm going to have a hard time choosing!

http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/store.aspx?p=235481

password: fall

Up on our knees...

2010-10-06T14:56:00.002-05:00

not in prayer, but UP on their knees! The twins, that is. Macey has been getting up on all 4s for quite a few weeks now. Madelyn has just started today. Macey is even lifting one hand up off the floor to reach for things while she's up on all 4s! It should be soon that we see the moving forward with "real crawling"! Right on time for our kiddos - they'll be 15 months on Friday! Go little ladies!

In other news, the school called me around 1:30 - had to go pick Avery up from school. Her fever was only 99.9 (which isn't really a fever for my kids) but she was coughing a ton as well. Thankfully Heather happened to be out here so she stayed with my 3 littles who were sleeping while I ran and got Ave from school. It was picture day for her but she told me she did have her picture taken so we've got that out of the way!

Ever felt REALLY bad about how a morning went?

2010-09-27T08:22:00.004-05:00

I am feeling terrible right now. Avery got up this morning and was all dressed. We did her hair and then she literally sat on the couch waiting for her bus to arrive. Time to kill. So the bus pulls up and she gets up to run to the door and stops dead in her tracks to shout, "MY SHOES!" She didn't have any on. (Last night when I was putting her clothes out for her she told me her shoes were downstairs, and she knew where. Mmmm hmmm.)

So I run to a few places in the house and the bus honks a few times. I run out to the front porch and tell the driver that we can't find shoes but we'll be RIGHT out. And may I just mention that Avery is following me around, doing absolutely NOTHING to help?? I run a few other places and Avery tells me they're out by the trampoline. I glance out there and I do not see them. So I finally run upstairs to her bedroom and grab a new pair, run downstairs, cut the tags off and try to get them on her feet. They will NOT go on. I know they should fit because they are the same size and style of the other ones, only these are new. I grab the shoes, grab her hand and head out the door. Yes, I sent her on the bus, in socks, with her shoes in hand. Felt bad about that but here's where it gets worse....

The driver calls me just a few minutes ago. "We can't get those shoes on Avery." Uhhhh, seriously?? Crrrrrrrrrrrap! So I told him she's probably worked up - send her inside with the shoes and let her try in Miss Amber's room. Which he already did, whew. So now I just pray she got them on.

I feel just awful! And I sent her out the door after saying to her, "I'm not happy with you right now." Ok Tena, so you've NEVER made a mistake before??? Good grief. I hope she has a better day. I'd like to call school and tell her I'm sorry. I'm just going to have to pray that God holds her heart and hand today while I can't.

Have you heard??

2010-09-24T08:08:00.003-05:00

Caden is now sleeping outside of a crib! Yes, you read that correctly, he has been in a crib for almost 8 years. The other day I got sick of looking at the crib and decided to take it apart. We had tried leaving the side of his crib down with a step stool next to it in the past and it didn't go so well. I'm not sure what made me think he was ready this time but I had a feeling it might be ok (that, and Heather told me to suck it up and give it a go). We put his crib mattress on the floor and his blankets and special things on there. When he got home from school he did this adorable, arms-up shrug and said, "Where my bed went?" I showed him the pieces on the front porch and he really was ok with it (he tends to get upset about big changes in his normal, so I was a little apprehensive about it). Yes, he gets out of it from time to time and bugs Declan or whatnot, but I have come to a stunning realization that I tend to underestimate Caden. I truly don't believe he is capable of certain things and by doing that I am setting him up to fail. His teachers believe in him. More than I do at times! So I said enough. I'm believing in Caden. I'm trusting that he and God will work things out and that he will show me what he can do. And so far, they're making a great team!

IEP - rousing success

2010-09-14T21:10:00.002-05:00

I just really can't say enough how good today's IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting was. Really. Good. Fabulous, even! We feel beyond blessed that Caden has teachers, friends, associates and advocates who rally behind him when he is at school. They believe in him. They think he is capable of so much, and they are right! They told us things he says and does that honestly blow our doors off - he is correctly numbering numerals and speaking them as well. He's doing things for them at school that he wouldn't do here at home. And trust me - I am fine with that as long as he's making progress. Every kid deserves to be obstinate about certain things when they're at home, right? We are so proud of you, Caden! Keep on shining, little star.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know...

2010-09-09T13:49:00.003-05:00

Today is a day when Avery is home - no Kindergarten on Thursdays. We've been noticing more and more that Avery and Declan play very well together. It's a nice break for me at times. I can go tell them to play together and they will - no fighting, only minimal bossing from Avery. It's great, and really it's our first glimpse of a typical sibling relationship with built-in playmates.

Today I was getting the twins ready for naptime and Avery and Declan were in the boys' room directly across the wall from the twins' room - Caden and Declan share a bedroom and are both still in cribs (so yes, if you do the math we have 4 cribs set up in side-by-side bedrooms...probably 4 cribs in 200 sq ft or so, lol!). When I had the twins settled in went in to the boys' room. Avery said, "Mommy, I promise I will go to sleep if you let me get in Caden's crib for Declan's naptime." I'm smarter than that typically, but I went along with it, telling her that if she is noisy or anything then mommy promises she'll have to go upstairs to her bed.

I've since been in there 3 times and neither one is sleeping. And after the last time I went in there, Avery started quietly singing "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so...." and Declan started echoing her. I'm melting. I mean, how can I be upset when they're singing THAT???

But in all honesty, the twins aren't going to take a good nap at this rate, and we need to have a talk about what it means to keep a promise. Mommy's going to keep her promise - here you go to your bedroom Miss Avery! Ta-ta!

Ever wonder what you're missing if you're not on Facebook?

2010-09-01T13:40:00.001-05:00

Here's today's update from me:

Tena...

tried for 45 minutes to hang a faux wood blind in our bedroom - wanted to surprise James when he got home by having it all done. I've completely stripped the screw heads and the drill has slipped off the screw so many times now that there are multiple (extra) holes in the wall. I'm sweaty and POed. Epic fail.

Do you have a good internal clock?

2010-08-31T21:57:00.000-05:00

I felt like the mother of the year this morning. Caden's bus comes at 7:30. I awoke from a dead sleep to hear a horn honking in my driveway. Looked at the clock and it was 7:33. CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one was out of bed yet. I called the bus barn and told them to radio the driver and tell her to move on.

Worst part? This is not the first time this has happened. At. All.

Caden loves buttons and dials and the like. So he turned down my radio all the way. Oh the alarm was still set, but when it "went off" the radio turned on which was turned...all the way down. You'd think by now I would know to check that before bed. I checked to make sure the alarm was on, and that was all. (I know you're going to suggest turning the beeper on the alarm, but I cannot wake up to that. I will crap the bed. Serious.)

My DH James and BFF Heather can't believe that I don't wake up earlier without the help of an alarm. They use alarms, but only as panics if they don't get up with their internal clocks. I don't seem to have an internal clock. I have a hard time falling asleep, but once I do it takes darn-near an act of God to wake me in the mornings. Or a radio. But still, I have to have an external force to rouse me!

What about you?

First day of school 2010 - 1st grade (Caden) and K (Avery)

2010-08-28T13:38:00.006-05:00

Here's a few pictures I snapped the morning of the first day of school. I have one from last year of all the kids sitting on the front porch and it would be fun to see the changes this year, but it's on the upstairs computer (we have GOT to figure out how to link the 2 computers):

My big kids!!! I should've put the twins there but in usual Tena-fashion I was running late because it was morning.

If I'm being honest I struggle with this picture because I see that Caden looks different. But you know, it is what it is - I think this is an absolutely PRECIOUS one!!!!

Caden is signing "bus" here - he was SO ready to see Diana!

She's here!!! Look at that adorable admiration!! I love this picture!!!

Strapped in and ready to GO!

First one off bus #6 at

Some of her older cousin Tressa's 5th grade friends walk with Avery to her classroom since they ride the same bus.

Welcome to Miss Amber's Kindergarten classroom!

Miss Amber helped Avery get her name tag on.

And then she had to color a picture to look just like her!

I was so proud of both of my kids - this day and always! So hard to believe they're growing up. They have done very well this week and we can't wait for more!

We survived!

2010-08-23T19:21:00.003-05:00

The first day of school, that is. Caden did wonderfully. He has the same bus driver again this year and we.love.Diana. He spent a lot of time with his special ed class as the first few days are always so hectic and they didn't want to overwhelm him. He got to make mac n cheese at kitchen time and had to clean up afterwards. He told me it was fun and when grandma called to talk to him he told her LOADS of stories about it as well. I guess we had first grade success!

Avery did beautifully. I put her on the bus and then drove into town to meet her at school off the bus. She found her classroom and did the work she was supposed to do - coloring a picture of a little girl to look just like her. I got a few pictures and then headed back home. She only had a half day so was home around 12:45 or so. Some good news is that the bus is going to pull all the way up our driveway now and turn around close to the house, which means we don't have to run down the driveway to meet up with the bus down at the road. Bonus!

Pictures to follow. Anyone care to guess how long that actually takes me??

A first - with a 2nd

2010-08-20T20:21:00.004-05:00

Think it doesn't make sense? I'd have to agree with you. I'm struggling with something...I'm struggling with sending my 2nd-born to Kindergarten. It's sort of like she's my first to go. I'm having a very hard time letting her go.

I remember it was difficult to send Caden, but Caden had been attending some sort of schooling since he was 2. I knew school would be good for Caden. I knew he would make great strides there and learn things that I didn't have the skills (or the patience, if I'm being perfectly honest) to teach him. I was ok with sending him off....yes, even though he wasn't speaking and couldn't come home and tell me all about his day, I felt confident that he was "ready". As ready as he could be at his developmental level. (And today we met his 1st grade *sniffle* teacher - she is fabulous and he is going to have a great year!!)

And then there's Avery. Maybe it's the girl thing. Maybe it's the fact that she's my little mini-me. She's my sidekick, my big helper, my incessant chatterbox. Avery is so excited about Kindergarten. She got the teacher she wanted (and she'll tell you this). We went tonight and had a whole scavenger hunt to find the different things in her classroom, to meet her teacher and to bring her classroom supplies. She LOVED it. (I was even a suck-up and had her bring a decorated apple cookie for her teacher. I know, throw rotten tomatoes.) But the whole time I could not be excited for her. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea that she is going to be gone from home 3 days a week, moving to 5 full days a week by the end of the school year. I could cry about it so easily and if you know me you know I am NOT a cry-er. Avery is going to ride the big yellow bus to and from school. I have set up a set of identical twin 5th graders on her bus route to help her get to class, so she's covered there. I just can't help it - I feel like she is not ready and won't be able to handle it and cannot possibly be apart from her momma.

Perhaps this is one of the greatest downfalls of being a stay at home mom. Perhaps it's just me. Either way, I think Monday is going to be harder on Tena than on Avery. Yes, I am looking forward to having "just" 3 kids here at home during the day, but no one can talk to me or argue with me (efficiently, that is - Declan sure tries but his vocabulary consists of "noo!" "mine!") or otherwise bug the tar out of me at every turn. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I'm positive it's going to be ok but my heart feels heavy at the same time. I'll miss her! She's growing up...right before my very eyes and quite literally without my permission. Bittersweet.

I have nothing interesting to say...

2010-08-13T13:31:00.003-05:00

but one of my goals in life is to become a famous blogger, and I'm not going to do that by not posting anything for weeks on end, right? Thought so.

Right now it's thundering outside and we're preparing for about the millionth inch of rain this summer. We have been so blessed with no water in our basement, but many of our family and friends haven't been that lucky. It's really a mess for some people and it's so frustrating! I'm ready for next week - they're calling for temps in the low 80s with low humidity and no rain almost all week! Which is really great news considering it's been in the upper 90s with mega humidity. It's also great because...

Next week we are going camping all week! It's our little staycation. We're camping locally as James has to work at The Scooter Store in Des Moines on Monday and Tuesday, but then he has work off until Saturday, so that will be a fun family time after that. The first night camping is always hellish, but then the kids get used to sleeping somewhere else and bedtimes go much better. They don't sleep in at all, but we can handle that. After that week is done...

School starts!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just can't wait, I really can't. Caden and Avery are driving each other nuts. Caden needs the structure of school in a bad way. The only hard part is that Caden's 1:1 associate took a different job for next year and won't be with us again. I cried buckets over that one, but I know Caden will be just fine and God is working out the details so that we'll have someone else special to work with our little man. He's going into 1st grade and he has an awesome teacher (we've heard) so we're happy. Avery will be starting Kindergarten, but she is going to the Christian school instead of the public school where Caden attends. Avery could not possibly be more excited! She gets to ride the big yellow bus and she got the teacher she wanted (this teacher student taught when Avery was in preschool and now is starting her teaching career in K!). She is absolutely certain that she is ready, but I have a feeling that she is going to be more homesick than she realizes. She will be going full days, 3 days a week - MWF. The worst part is that Avery's personalized backpack hasn't arrived yet, and it says it won't arrive until Sept 4. I'm praying it'll be early, but hope is waning with each day. We'll see!

Ready for some cuteness overload?

2010-08-03T21:36:00.001-05:00

A sweet gal from our church offered to take some pictures of Macey and Madelyn as a "survival gift" - we all made it through the first year! Here are the pictures she took. Megan did an AMAZING job and I just can't believe how adorable my girls are!!! I know, that sounds totally braggy but I really don't care - they ARE adorable!!

http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/store.aspx?p=235481

password: twins

Madelyn is scooting forward!

2010-07-26T10:31:00.003-05:00

It's exciting stuff people. Madelyn can get on her tummy and then pull herself slightly forward! She uses her arms but some her legs, too. It's not full out army crawl and it's certainly not hands and knees crawling, but I'll take it! Macey is still content to roll where she needs to go. Madelyn also now has all 4 top teeth which is quite cute to see. Macey has 3 of 4 - she's missing her right, true front tooth.

We were gone this weekend to Cincinnati for the RTS Family Conference. It was an amazing time of meeting people we'd only ever emailed with for years and hearing experts talk about RTS and other things related to RTS to help us out. We brought Caden and Avery, leaving Declan, Macey and Madelyn back home with my parents. We truly did have a great time! Avery got very confident in the pool - she was jumping in and swimming halfway across (under water) to me! We spent as much time as possible in the pool. On Saturday and on Sunday morning the kids went into childcare and James and I attended speakers and seminars about RTS. We got some great information from those and were able to have breakfast and lunch in a revolving restaurant - one of only 32 such restaurants in the world I think! The trip there didn't go so well...it took us 10.5 hours to get there. On the way home, though, we stopped less often and made it in 8.5 which felt much more tolerable. It was so fun to see other RTSweeties and meet their families!!

An amazing encounter!

2010-07-20T11:11:00.000-05:00

I had an amazing encounter this weekend. James and I were camping with our little tribe. We nearly backed out about 10 times because it was so blasted hot and it was supposed to be just miserable, but we decided to go anyway because we had reservations. After setting up camp I took a walk with the twins in the stroller, Avery on her bike and Caden on his special bike that school made for him. Just 3 campsites away from us a mom smiled and commented on Caden's neat bike, and then signed "baby" to her daughter and asked if she could see the babies. I glanced over at her daughter and my heart literally stopped for a second - I knew in an instant she had RTS. It's so hard to know how to approach something like that, y'know? Some moms are ok with lots of questions about their child with special needs and some really don't wish to have it pointed out that it's "obvious". So I eggshelled a bit - I told her my son had special needs, which led to her stating that her daughter did. I asked then if her daughter had a diagnosis. She said yes, and then said, "She actually has Rubinstein Taybi Syndrome" in a way that I've said it many times - the tone said "You've never heard of it and have no idea what it is." I simply said, "Shut up! Caden has RTS too!!!" She teared up and neither one of us could believe it. A small campground in Iowa, the same weekend, just 3 sites away. What are the chances honestly???? Interestingly enough, they had their 6 year old daughter pull some states out of a hat, then they prayed about it and then decided where in that state they would camp, and apparently Pella, Iowa is the place to be (I mean, we already knew that but still),

So we spent a lot of time chatting over the course of the weekend. The similarities are astounding, both socially and medically. Caden and her daughter hugged each other several times, which is something I have NEVER seen Caden just offer to someone else - they both knew they were something special! This family is from Iowa as well. It was just so exciting!!!

Added a cute lil picture...

2010-07-15T22:17:00.002-05:00

of Macey (left) and Madelyn on their birthday up top there! Enjoy!!

James is loving work!

2010-07-14T21:52:00.002-05:00

This is refreshing. It is just amazing to see him smile so much, to see him get out of bed early because he can't wait to get to work, to see him smile - have I mentioned that?? I am happy, he is happy, life is good. I will admit that having him get home really late on the days he works in Des Moines is sort of hard, but that's a fair trade off....so far. In a few weeks when he's on his own he will be working weekends which means Fridays and Saturdays. We'll see how that pans out, but I think we can handle it. Thank you God!!

Happy 1st Birthday Macey Johanna and Madelyn Corinne!!!!

2010-07-08T14:43:00.002-05:00

Words can't express how much these two girls have changed our lives. They are precious baby girls who light up our lives so very much! I am so proud to call them my babies.

About to lose my cool...

2010-07-07T19:34:00.001-05:00

I just posted this on a message board I frequent. Enjoy the peek into my life...

I feel like a pretty even-keel person, but with James' new job it's later hours in coming home. It's 7pm and he is not even home yet. I am about to blow a gasket at my kids I swear it. My 7yo is special needs so developmentally he is about 2-3 years ago. He and my 2yo fight like you WOULD NOT believe. The "mine!" "no, MINE!" is enough to drive me to drink. My 7yo doesn't have many words but of course MINE happens to be one of them. Right now my 2yo is SCREAMING outside their bedroom door because my oldest is supposed to be in bed (I sent him there before I NEARLY popped him one) and he is not in bed. I am on here just typing because if I don't I will say or do something I will later regret. Add to the mix my 5yo DD who is hollering "mommmmmmmmmmmmy, the boys are hurting my ears!" at the top of her ever-loving lungs. She should know better but I expect too much of her sometimes. And all of this is happening within feet of the twins' bedroom door - they are having their bottles in bed and trying to go ni-night.

This all started over a stupid Clifford book that no one could share.

Sometimes I get SOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated at my 7yo and his lack of understanding. He pesters just to pester at times (typical boy, I know) and it just drives me up the proverbial wall. With school being out I feel like I am FOREVER telling him no to something or telling him to stop pinching, stop hitting, keep your hands to yourself. It's SO hard to have a meaningful, fun experience with him and I'm sad.

Ok. In the time it took me to type that all is quiet. I needed the breather. Thank you for letting me vent. Off to start tackling bedtime in a bit. (And no, I am not mad at James for working longer, but this time of day is just HARD. The kids haven't even seen him yet today. But the poor guy got out to his car after work and the battery was dead! He's had "one of those days" as well I guess.)

Happy 4th - er, I mean 5th.

2010-07-05T14:36:00.002-05:00

Honestly, what a boring weekend. I am not complaining really, but we didn't do anything 4th of Julyish. My parents kept Declan and the twins on Saturday and we went to Pella's outdoor pool/aquatic center for 3.5 hours which was really fun. Caden is a whole lot braver than I thought he would be! I think it's time for swimming lessons for him, but I'm not really sure where to begin. I think private lessons would be necessary for him. He just basically had no fear, which was good and bad. He also doesn't always listen really well so it's a mixed bag of fun, LOL!

The actual day of the 4th we majorly lazed around. We didn't even make it to church because we slept in so late - now THAT was nice! Today we went and took a bike ride down where we usually camp. The campgrounds are closed due to flooding, so we decided to walk in the campground loops instead of on the walking trails. We thought this would be good because there's no traffic in there right now. It WAS pretty good...except for the mosquitos. Holy CRAP! Awful, I've never seen them so bad. They SAY that mosquitos are so big in Minnesota that they are the state bird. I could almost believe there were so MANY on our kids today that it could be considered the plague!! Interesting too - I bet there were 10 of them on Macey for every 1 on Madelyn! I'm just like little Macey...mosquitos love me, too. Not fair!

The twins are going to be ONE on Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just can't be so!!!

So this is how it's going to be?

2010-06-30T20:29:00.002-05:00

As you know, today was James' first day. And the bad part about that 1 hour drive (each way) is that it happened on a Wednesday and James has to be at church by 7pm which means we haven't talked hardly AT ALL about how things went. All I do know is that James wore the WRONG shoes and I guess his fashion coordinator (me) is going to have to let him know that you don't wear work boots with nice jeans and a collared polo. I mean seriously, is that so difficult to understand? Sorry, I'm punchy today.

In fabulous news, our Cabela's lounge chairs arrived today! Love them. We got the black ones because they were on sale, AND I had mega Cabelas.com gift cards from our Discover cash-back accounts, yippee!!

Macey and Madelyn had their follow ups after being discharged from the hospital. They are 100% healthy! Glad to hear it.

I'm super struggling with wanting FOOD lately. And I think a large part of that is that my bestie is going to be gone until late Monday so I feel like I have to "make up" for her not being around....replacing one comfort with another. So I'm trying hard to remember that I can't feed my emotions, that I have to feel them and deal with them and be strong in spite of them. But I really want chocolate cake right now (I made some awesome cake to celebrate James' "last day" yesterday). I'm off to crack open a Diet Mt Dew caffeine free instead.

Tomorrow marks a new beginning for our family.

2010-06-29T20:18:00.003-05:00

I have been hesitant to say anything here about James job and how unhappy he's been. I know there are people who read this who also work where he does and are family members of people who work there. I have nothing but good things to say about the PEOPLE that James has worked for and with for the past 12 years and 4 months. They are truly God-fearing, wonderful people.

The problem has been that James has been unhappy at his job. And he's been unhappy for years. Way too long, but it seems we kept getting pregnant or had a big ol house addition going on and the timing just wasn't quite right. We got to a point though, where the toll it was taking on James (depression, and I swear his illness earlier this year was in part due to his being so down) and ultimately on our entire family just wasn't worth it. So James has been applying. And the economy isn't great. But last week he got HIRED! And tomorrow he starts his new job!

James will be working (part-time at 29hrs/wk) at The Scooter Store. He will be the guy who brings the motorized chairs to people with limited mobility (do you like how I'm using all the appropriate buzz words already??) in their homes, teaches them how to use them and also fixes/troubleshoots issues. After having been working in a troubleshooting type job for so long, plus being a service technician in people's homes, this feels very natural to James. He is excited. He is becoming the James I used to know - fun-loving, animated, full of life and not so exhausted and weary. Hopefully this is just the beginning of better things to come!

So yeah, it's only part time, and his current employer has been kind enough to let him stay on in part time capacity there as well (until he finds something else or they find a full-time replacement for him). And there are other downsides...we will be leaving AHHHHHHHHHHHmazing medical benefits (100% coverage, I kid you not) and going to COBRA type coverage. We're not used to paying for our coverage but I guess we've been spoiled long enough. There's also a 1+hour commute for James to get to work, and he has to be there by 7am. Right now, he has a company vehicle that he drives and it's a 4 minute commute. We went in with eyes wide open, and we believe that God will make a way. It's imperative that James find his happiness again, and we're praying this is one (huge) step in the right direction!

Pushing back that bedtime.

2010-06-24T21:51:00.002-05:00

Trying to put hyper kids down at 7pm during the summer when it's fully light outside and the fun has only just begun (in their minds) is just not a fun task. Add to that the fact that they horse around for a full hour after they are put to bed and you have some cranky parents. Tonight we went for a drive to go see the flooding and to get some ice cream. We told them that bedtime was going to be later. This means nothing to them as they cannot tell time - which I am NOT complaining about!! Declan actually complained when we said "bedtime is going to be later"...all he heard was that bedtime word. Mmmm hmmm.

So we did bedtime for Macey and Madelyn at 7:30 or so (our drive had us out later than usual) and then tackled the big kids. It was good. We had absolutely no horsing around in beds and cribs after they were put into bed! This is a first. Usually to get that result we have to force them to run 200000 laps around the house before bed. Going to bed just one hour later sure is easier!

Now. We'll see how morning goes. Our kids tend to be the kinds of kids who wake up by 7:30 no matter WHEN they fell asleep. I'm hoping that the 8pm bedtime will sort of diminish that. Hoping.

And we're home!

2010-06-23T17:53:00.001-05:00

That is all. Hallelujah!

Guess what???

2010-06-22T19:57:00.001-05:00

Macey is now in the hospital as well. They get to share a room, how sweet! (There is sarcasm dripping off my voice.) We are PRAYING they both get to come home tomorrow. Madelyn is doing tons better and Macey wasn't quite as sick to begin with.

A baby with pneumonia

2010-06-19T13:36:00.002-05:00

Yes, one of ours. All 5 of our kids have had coughs and colds for a week or more, some worse than others. Madelyn just kept getting progressively worse and this morning I finally took her in to the ER. She has pneumonia, poor baby! She's doing pretty good, but needs an IV for her ear infection and to cover all bases on the pneumonia. She also needs oxygen so she's got that going on as well. I really thought we were done with the sickness - good grief, we're just a few days shy of summer! Keep her in your thoughts and prayers!

Soooooooo, weight loss.

2010-06-17T14:16:00.003-05:00

Yep, I started chattering about it in January. On the 4th of Jan I joined weight watchers with my BFF Heather. It was slow going, too slow for me....aaaaaaaaaaaaand, I wasn't that serious about it if I'm being perfectly honest. I mean I TRIED, but my give-a-dam was busted. I lost maybe 14 pounds from Jan-May, to which you may be saying, "That's GREAT!" but the truth is when you have over 100 pounds to lose (as I do, to even get into my healthy weight range for my shortness) you should be losing a bit faster than that. Jillian Michaels would agree.

In May I decided it was ridiculous to spend money to not care. Interestingly enough, that is when I began to care. And I want to lose weight now, I really do. I am tired of hating on myself when I see a picture of me...and yes, I know that goes beyond the outward appearance but I just look freakin' fat. People say to me, "But you've had 5 babies!" and this is true, but I don't want to be fat anymore. There's no reason I have to be. *I* am the one keeping myself here. Me and my big old fear of failure. I've told myself for YEARS that I can't be "small", I can't get there, that's for the "pretty girls". Ridiculous! I am a pretty girl! Fat doesn't change that, it just hides it. So I'm ready to let the hiding game end. I'm ready to see what I'd look like at 225 pounds, at 200 pounds, then at 175, then at 150, then ....

For today, a couple of successes. First, I walked up and down our driveway 12 times (10 times = 1 mile), running up(hill) the last time! (I also did up and down 16 times yesterday, running up the last time, but the twins weren't having it today.) If you think you can't exercise, get creative. I don't want to exercise after James gets home because I want to veg and be with him, but I also don't want to do it during my "free time" (naptime), so I do lunch, get everyone outside in strollers, on bikes, etc. and start huffing it! Yes, I am red-faced and nearly dying at the end, but then I can put the 3 little ones down for nap, take my shower and I can relax for the rest of the day. (I know a lot of you would suggest getting up 20-30 minutes early and doing this before everyone's out of bed, but then you would not really know me that well.) I also hit a low weight for me, a number I haven't seen for at least 9 months when I dropped down "low" after the twins were born - I was at 243.6 today! I'm happy with that! I started out my pregnancy with the twins at over 250 so this is excellent.

(Yes, I am that transparent about the numbers. Who honestly cares what the number on the scale says, right? It's not like you can't see that I'm heavy. This just takes the guesswork out of it for you - I know as well as you do that we're all dying to ask people just how much they weigh, LOL!)

I feel great. I feel like I am finally taking care of myself and the other things in life are falling into place. I have supper in the crockpot for tonight already. I made a great meal last night and we enjoyed it as a family. This is a big success for me - meal planning and execution is just about my greatest domestic weakness, so it feels great to be on top of it!

I look forward to sharing this journey with you. This is hard work, but I am so worth it!!

The first (of many) questions.

2010-06-10T09:06:00.003-05:00

It's the first day of summer vacation for Caden. We're all sitting in the living room together, Caden next to me being his usual self - a bunch of noise, no real words, just "chatty". Avery (nearly 6) is across the room and she said to me, "Mommy, why is Caden 7 and he doesn't know how to do anything yet?" I asked her what she meant and pointed out the things he can do...she said, "But he can't really DO things!" I told her he isn't a like a big kid like she is...and that's what she meant. I explained that Caden was special, that God made him special. I could tell that didn't really resonate with her because we tell ALL of our kids that God made them special. So then I told her that Caden was called special needs - he needs help doing the things that the rest of us learn to do on our own. THAT seemed to do the trick. I then told her that was why Caden goes to a different school than she does because the people there know him, love him and are helping him to learn things. The only thing she wants to know is when she can go to CADEN'S Kindergarten! (Caden goes to the public school and Avery will be going to the Christian school.) I told her she wouldn't be. And that was the end of the conversation!

I've always found it interesting that Avery doesn't seem to question how and why Caden is different. I just assumed she didn't notice. I think she does, but it really doesn't matter to her that much. Our hope as parents has always been that our other kids are fully embracing of those with differences. It starts with small questions, I guess!

Macey and Madelyn at 10 months!

2010-05-26T14:47:00.001-05:00

http://www.photoreflect.com/store/ThumbAccess.aspx?e=6706670

password: twins

Enjoy them!! Macey is on the left, wearing pink. Madelyn is on the right, wearing white (or purple).

Amazing grief...

2010-05-13T14:10:00.003-05:00

Today we got a sympathy card from the vet, signed by all of them. On the front was a poem that talks about not crying over her, etc, but the last line goes "I loved you so...'twas Heaven here with you" and I CANNOT.STOP.BAWLING over it. Oh, and they also took her paw, dipped it in ink and pressed it on the card as a keepsake, signing her name under it. O.M.G.

I honestly can't understand why I am such a wreck over this. I was doing much better until I got that card today and now I have been sobbing until I literally feel like I might throw up. I finally had to take the card and put it away so I wouldn't look at it anymore. Thank God my BFF Heather took Avery this afternoon so I just have the 3 littles and they are all sleeping...so mommy can go sob into her pillow.

I just didn't think this would be so hard. We talked about putting her to sleep for over a year now, and I was usually pretty jazzed about it in terms of not having to mop all her freakin' hair, no letting her out to pee, no mopping up her pee from incontinence. We're free to go on trips and go camping without dog stuff. All of that seemed great. But now it's reality and I'm not sure I like it. I miss her coming into the bathroom while I'm peeing, just to give me a kiss and get herself a mommy-scratch. I miss having to step over her while I'm getting out of bed in the middle of the night. I miss her being underfoot while I'm working in the kitchen. I REALLY miss her cleaning up all the kid food messes.

I keep thinking that she is alone somewhere, cold, wondering where we are and if we are coming back to get her. I know for a fact (I called the vet, I had to know) that she is already cremated and gone. But I still want to call her name, to have her come running like she used to before her ears failed her. My heart literally HURTS.

I can't imagine losing a child. If I am this upset about a DOG, I just can't imagine losing a child.

Basically, if you got this far bless your heart. Writing is helpful for me, so I'm writing. I'm also going to include some very recent pictures of her. I took tonnnns of pictures after we decided she was going to be put to sleep...some are even from before that.

Here's Montana on Monday:

With all her "brothers and sisters" - the babies she welcomed home each time:

One of her favorite spots to lay - in our front bay window watching down the driveway:

Her other favorite spot was her bed by our back patio door:

She was a great pillow:

A true sport about peek-a-boo:

And was just always "one of the kids":

All my girls:

Montana and Macey:

Just took my first ever sleep-aid

2010-05-12T21:29:00.001-05:00

Let's hope it helps. Why is it that I become so ridiculous over the loss of a pet??? I had to get up and read the Bible last night because I was so worked up and crying so much. Yes, next to James who snored. I wanted to see in the Bible if it said anything about animals in heaven. What I did run across was the passage in Proverbs that talks about a dog returning to its vomit. Nice! So I just took 2 Tylenol PM and hopefully I'll be out for the count. Not entirely sure that's a stellar idea as a stay at home mom to 5 small children but we shall see!

She is gone.

2010-05-11T22:03:00.001-05:00

We brought her to the vet today at 4:30. It was fitting - James and I went to pick her up together when she was just a few weeks old and we brought her to the vet together today. Neither one of us could stand to be with her...our hearts were breaking. So we left her there and said our goodbyes to her. She just licked our faces and wagged her tail. I know I'm tired and emotional (I couldn't sleep last night because of it) but I feel like we made a horrible decision and now it can't be reversed. Tell me this gets easier. I can't stop crying right now. I was doing ok up until we got rid of all the dog stuff in the house because I couldn't bear looking at it...

Our family is about to change...

2010-05-10T21:28:00.002-05:00

and no, we are not gaining new members. (read your mind) We are losing one tomorrow. Tomorrow at 4:30 our beloved black lab Montana is being put down to forever sleep. To say that we are sad is an understatement, but it is time.

She piddles so much in the house. And it isn't because she's naughty, it's because she incontinent - the peeing all happens when she's asleep or just waking up. We've tried meds for it and the meds made her all shaky and weird, they weren't letting her be the dog she used to be.

Then we realized over the past few weeks that she's deaf. I'm honestly worried that I might back over her in the driveway when I have all 5 kids with me...then what?

The questions keep coming back to us - is it too soon? Does she still have tons of years left? Is she going to die within the year anyway??

We made the appointment and we're sticking to it. It's just way hard.

Tulip Time!

2010-05-06T22:02:00.003-05:00

I swore I was not going to march in a parade all decked out in a Dutch costume. That all came crashing down as I proudly marched my twin baby girls in the "Dutch Doubles" part of the afternoon parade today! They got lots of attention which was fun for me, hahahaha! I also got a big ol sunburn on my face, which is pronounced by the fact that the hat I wore with my Dutch costume came down my forehead about 1/2 an inch. I look ridiculous.

Worst part? Both twins got sunburned faces, too. Bad mommy moment!

Sooo, we're camping and it's not going super well. In fact, I'm home right now with Macey and Madelyn because they wouldn't stop crying in their "beds". Mmmm hmmm, we've got to get the bed thing figured out in the camper. Last night went REALLY bad but we toughed it out. Tonight was going better but I figured with their lil sunburned faces and all that it just wasn't worth letting them cry in the camper. So I popped them into their cribs and they are happy girls!! Granted, it's after 10pm and they're still awake but honestly...it's supposed to storm tonight and I don't care to be down there during a storm. So it's a win-win for me!

He's home!

2010-05-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

James was discharged late this afternoon. We are so glad he is feeling better! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Can you spare a few more prayers for us?

2010-05-02T22:09:00.001-05:00

James has been admitted to the hospital this evening. He started coughing horribly again yesterday, started throwing up again, the whole works. After the throwing up with coughing subsided he started feeling very short of breath and tight in his chest. He was feeling so bad that he thought he better be seen at the ER, which is saying something. Sure enough, his oxygen is pretty low (84%) without supplemental oxygen so he needs to be in the hospital on oxygen until he turns the corner, whenever that might be.

We're both feeling very exhausted and emotional about another hospital stay, this time one of us! We covet your thoughts and prayers.

Maybe it was too early.

2010-04-21T19:18:00.002-05:00

I woke Caden this morning and his crib was FULL of pee. Wowsa, soaked. So...he's got a pullup on tonight.

Caden and I left pretty early this morning to go see a pediatric orthopedist about his elbow. Long story short, he did indeed fracture it nearly 6 weeks ago, and probably fractured it in two places. It has healed completely and also healed well, which we are so thankful for! He is going to need some physical therapy for it. Normally the dr doesn't suggest that but he thought "it might help" for Caden - no guarantees obviously. He also said he doesn't think he'll have any long-term problems from it, which is wonderful!

A few milestones around here.

2010-04-20T07:52:00.002-05:00

Madelyn's bottom 2 teeth popped out on the 8th. This, after weeks of working at it! James and I were gone for the weekend (James' folks stayed here with the kids) and Macey's bottom 2 teeth popped through while we were gone - so around the 17th. It's very precious to see!

Last night we had to go to Des Moines for a few things, so we got home late - around 9pm. We still had 5 kids to get to bed and it was hectic. I had Caden go potty for me, and then I told him he was going to stay in underwear overnight. This morning when I got him up, he was dry!! First thing he said to me was "point down" - which is his version of "I have to pee!" So proud of him! I've been telling James I think he's ready for overnights but James didn't think so...time will tell!

Mother of the year!

2010-04-14T21:09:00.001-05:00

That's how I felt this morning when Madelyn rolled off our bed. I said to several people over the weekend, "Our days of leaving the babies on the bed are over" and yet what did I do this morning? Put them both on our bed and leave the room. That's what I did. I knew the sound immediately when I heard it. And then I heard her scream. Which was a good feeling, knowing that she was ok enough to scream. I ran into the bedroom and she wasn't off the side of the bed towards the door, which was WEIRD. No, she must have rolled alllll the way to the foot of the bed, across the mound of laundry on the hope chest and the foot of the bed and then down to the laminate flooring.

Mommy is SO sorry Madelyn.

I obviously typed too soon.

2010-03-25T22:26:00.002-05:00

Got done blogging, surfed the web a bit....heard Caden ralph all over his crib. Child #5 has fallen! Ugh.

The pukes have invaded.

2010-03-25T19:58:00.000-05:00

So far, not a child has been spared except for sweet Caden. Lord, please keep it that way!

Poor Caden fell (twice) today at school and they were very concerned he may have injured his elbow further. We went back in for xrays late this afternoon and were told we'd get a call back. We didn't. I'm assuming no news is good news and we'll leave it at that. He cannot bend it to 90 degrees anymore, but I'm guessing that is because he simply doesn't use it and it's stiff. He cried SO hard when they tried to bend it for the xrays, broke my heart! In case you were wondering, he fell at school because mommy let him wear his croc mammoths that are officially too big. Yeah, feeling REAL wonderful about that right now.

Here's to hoping we wake up vomit-free and happy tomorrow!!

Long time, no see!

2010-03-24T19:35:00.007-05:00

I remember my blog. Daily. But I just don't have the umption to add anything to it! Until tonight, that is. Are you ready for some picture overload?

A few highlights - Caden's arm is still useless to him, poor bud. He doesn't use it at all. His handwriting goals at school are having to be reworked! We had follow up xrays after one week and it showed exactly the same thing, which was, essentially...nothing. He is to use it as much as he tolerates which is, essentially...not at all. He will NOT bend at the elbow, and the elbow is where we're pretty certain the fracture is. Say it with me, poor buddy!!

In OTHER Caden news....he lost his first tooth! I was so excited. Last Tuesday (16th) James and I made a good date of our day kid-free and shopped in Des Moines all day. Grandma Jean (respite provider) got here around 8am and we took off. When we got home James noticed his wiggly tooth was totally gone! Jean thought we knew - apparently it hadn't been around all day! And, she had washed his bedding so if it WAS in the bedding it was gone. We haven't found it. We assume Cay swallowed it. But anyway, first tooth lost! Super exciting!

Ok then we have a picture of Declan. This is mainly because I don't have much news about him other than he threw up ALL over the supper table tonight....aaaand the only thing he's had to eat all day were some Cheerios and chocolate milk, so you can imagine how incredible that was to the rest of us trying to eat. Anywho, this is Declan in a typical morning pose - poptart in hand, sippy cup nearby, taunting Montana with the possibility of getting a morsel of that. And quite frankly, she often gets the whole dang thing, which makes me angry.

And of course there's more of Caden and some of Avery, with the twins. Caden and Avery can be very, very sweet about helping with the babies. You have to watch Caden carefully. He can't be left unattended with a baby but Avery is REALLY good. On this evening we let them help feed and Macey and Madelyn were so enthralled with being so close to their brother or their sister! It was really precious. Caden has Macey and Avery has Madelyn (you'll notice that Caden, who is very right-handed, is using his left hand to feed...evidence of his owie):

And last we have my favorite picture of them all. I wanted to snap a candid shot of Avery "reading" to her sisters. She loves to make up words to any book and they love to watch her. They typically cutely look at the pages, look at Avery...all cuteness. Well, apparently they know what a camera is now. I bent down to take this picture when they were cutely looking at the book. They must have caught sight of me in the meantime, before the flash, and here's the outcome:

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That's Madelyn (aka, the clown) on the left, Macey on the right. Hilarious!

I'd hardly believe it myself unless it happened to me.

2010-03-14T21:46:00.003-05:00

That's sorta how I feel about my life.

Thursday night Madelyn had been home from the hospital for all of about 1 hour and it was bedtime. The kids had been playing outside and came in to get ready for bed. James carried Caden to his crib on his shoulders and put him in his crib with the rail down (we usually leave the rail down and Caden climbs in himself with the assistance of a step stool - we started this when I was hugely pregnant with the twins and couldn't hoist him in there anymore). Caden likes to sleep in just his pull up, so he was pulling his shirt off, standing up in his crib. You know how when you're little (like Caden) you feel like you have to lean WAY over to pull your shirt off over your head? Yeah, well Cay did that but in the process he fell head first out of his crib. I stated in my last blog post that he cried hard from a fall and got a bloody nose. Well, apparently that was just the tip of the iceberg.

When Caden woke up Friday morning he was crying. James went to get him to start getting ready for school and he wouldn't use his right arm. AT. ALL. We decided he needed to be seen, so I drove him to the clinic and our doctor looked him over and sent us for xrays.

Nothing huge showed up on the xrays. Apparently Caden has a "posterior fat pad" on his elbow - it means he for sure hurt it, but we don't know if it's a tiny fracture or what it is. He's "wearing a sling" (I say that loosely because mostly he just lets his arm hang down from the sling) until we have repeat xrays on Friday. He has a totally abnormal response to pain - his threshhold is CRAZY high. But he won't use that arm. AT. ALL. I know it must really hurt. However. For prayer tonight I did see him slip his left hand over to his right hand and all 10 fingers clasped. How precious to me, God!!!

And now for the moment of mommy heartache. When Caden went to bed Thursday night after his fall, I put him back in his crib and he was still REALLY crying hard. I assumed it was because his nose had just bled a lot and he was scared from falling head over heels onto the floor (wouldn't you be?). I stroked his head a bit but then I left the room, with him still sobbing. I didn't know what else to do. And he cried for a while. Probably at LEAST 15 more minutes. And now I know he very well could have fractured his elbow. And I walked away from him. With him still crying. I feel horrible about that. It's SO heartbreaking that he couldn't tell me that he was hurting. He didn't have the words. He could only cry. My only comfort is that God heard his unspoken hurt and took it away...I know he finally fell asleep and did sleep all night. So hard. So hard.

She's home!

2010-03-11T19:47:00.001-06:00

She came around this afternoon. She pulled her oxygen out before 11am and I decided to leave it out. Her sats stayed around 94. Then she just stayed doing well with her sats all afternoon and our dr came to see her after 5pm and said she could go home! YAY! We're all back under one roof. Whatta feeling!

Now please pray. Pray for continued healing for Madelyn (she sounds atrocious but is getting better). Pray for Macey, who is acting quite sick. Pray also for Declan and Avery, who both have fevers. And, for Caden, who fell tonight and cried (HARD) for a solid 5 minutes with a heckuva bloody nose. I think we have ALL had it.

She's still in the hospital.

2010-03-09T21:54:00.002-06:00

Madelyn just can't seem to shake needing the oxygen. So for now, she's still in the hospital. James has stayed with her nearly the entire time, which has been very difficult because the hospital air is so incredibly dry and it's making his coughing horrible. I think he went back to work too early last week - he has thrown up and coughed more this week than just about any other week. I think he needs some more time off, for his health physically and mentally.

Things here at home are going pretty well. I'm so thankful to have been able to be at home and Heather's been over nearly every day to help with household stuff or whatnot because I've got more sick kids here at home. Declan is sick - fever, runny nose, just not feeling well. He was also supposed to have surgery on Friday (to bring his left testicle down) but that has now been postponed until he is feeling better. Who knows when that will be...

Macey is also not herself. We think it might be teeth - they are 8 months old now. She does a lot of crying and just acts like something hurts. Not sure what to do for her either...

So we keep on keeping on. I'm tired. I'm sure James is tired. But we do it. I don't think we have another choice! God is blessing us on the journey and we just keep listening for His voice.

It's (almost) getting funny.

2010-03-07T21:39:00.002-06:00

Madelyn is back in the hospital. She doesn't have RSV. Her blood work is excellent. Her chest xray looks good. But she's got something "like" RSV and is really sick.

We were in Wisconsin Dells all weekend for the annual Midwest RTS Reunion. We left Friday morning and Madelyn wasn't feeling well - had been throwing up and fever, but both girls had just had their shots and I figured that was it. Well, she progressively got worse over the weekend. Saturday night I got back to our hotel room with Caden and James said she wasn't doing well. We weren't sure what to do - she was breathing fast, retracting, nasal flaring, all the bad signs. We didn't want her to be hospitalized in WI when we were supposed to leave the next morning to go home, so we decided to leave Caden and Avery with grandpa and grandma in their hotel room (to come home the next morning) and we packed Declan and the twins into our van and headed home....5 hours mind you. We never.stopped.once. The little ones just slept all the way home. We got a few hours of shut eye after arriving home at 3am and then we got up and I brought Madelyn to the ER. Sure enough, she needs to be in the hospital. So that is how I spent my birthday - in a hospital room with a very sick baby.

They say the temps are going to be warming up here. If that isn't true, I just might quit. Quit winter, that is. Do you think it'll play along??

Nothing new..

2010-02-28T20:37:00.002-06:00

I guess that's a good thing, in the grand scheme of things. Not much is happening here. Macey is off oxygen after Tuesday's appointment, which is very good news! They both seem to be doing very well. They have coughed here and there but nothing terrible.

James, on the other hand, is still coughing horribly. He's growing increasingly active here at home (working on the twins' new bedroom, which was Avery's old bedroom) to try to prepare himself for the rigors of work and anything/everything sends him into a coughing fit. It's relentless! He has been able to spend most nights in bed with me so that's nice - he used to have to leave and sleep upright on the couch most nights so he wouldn't cough so bad.

Thought I'd share a picture I captured today. You may remember we tried something similar Christmas day and James made me angry and Declan whacked Macey on the head multiple times and it was just AWFUL, but today went very well! Here's our babies!!

Caden 7
Avery 5
Declan 2
Macey and Madelyn (sitting in that order) 7.5 months

We're home!

2010-02-19T14:42:00.003-06:00

As of yesterday, all seven of us are back under one roof. It's such a blessed feeling. I had Macey and Madelyn in the crib together and granted, I am tired and emotional, but I just broke down crying at how precious they were together in the crib and how much they need each other and how much life wouldn't be the same without TWO of them! I can't imagine just one Macey or just one Madelyn - they are unique yet very much part of a set. I'm so glad they're back together!

Macey was discharged yesterday morning, but she is on oxygen here at home, needed especially while sleeping and at times while eating. We don't have a pulse oximeter here to know what her sats are, but she was pretty consistent at the hospital and it was obvious she needed the help while sleeping. We hope to be able to remove the need for oxygen on Wed the 24th at their follow-up doctor appointments.

February is a big month for birthdays in our families! Yesterday was a very special niece's 10th birthday and tomorrow is James' mom's 60th! And then Tuesday is James' birthday!! I love birthdays. :)

I also wanted to add that I have removed the ability to leave anonymous comments on my blog. I wish I still could because I realize several of you comment without IDs but I was getting too many weird comments from anonymous people and I just don't feel like dealing with it. So, sign up for a google account if you want to leave comments! Hey, start a blog yourself!!

We're still in!

2010-02-16T15:33:00.003-06:00

I miss my husband. I really do. I want to go away with him for a nice long (cough-free) weekend and do nothing but sleep and sleep and just talk with him and have him be well and know our kids are well and just.....be. That's what I wish for more now than anything else in the entire world.

Tonight we're going to go out for supper together while my mom sits with Macey here in the hospital room. I believe Avery is going to be here as well (I'm sure that she wants to go along with us but the former preschool teacher in me will talk her into staying because "staying with Macey will be the COOLEST thing a 5yo girl could do!"). We're supposed to have Ave's Creation Station conferences tonight at 5 but we called her wonderful teachers and they are letting us get them in later when everyone's healthy, bless them. James has Ave at dance right now (bless HIM) and then they'll be over here to the hospital to see little miss Macey for a while.

Little miss can't quite keep her oxygen sats high enough, so she'll be here for one more night. Hopefully we can go home tomorrow. And then hopefully we'll start getting James healthy. My heart simply aches for him - he tells me that he's so exhausted he barely feels anything anymore. I just can't imagine. He also said last night was the first night he remembers not waking up to cough! That is HUGE! He had all 4 kids at home down to bed by 7:15 and then all slept until after 7am. Go James!!

There's good news and there's bad news.

2010-02-15T18:05:00.002-06:00

The good news first. Madelyn was released from the hospital this morning! She really seems to have improved and it's nice to see her smiling self again.

The bad news? Macey was admitted to the hospital this afternoon. Macey and mommy were down in the clinic while Madelyn was being discharged upstairs. Poor James - he's SO exhausted and yet he had Madelyn up in her hospital room, along with Avery and Declan as well. I had to wait forever for xrays which finally showed that Macey also has developed pneumonia. She's in - we'll see how long we're here! Ugh.

Wow, the hospital internet is fast!

2010-02-11T20:29:00.003-06:00

Yeah, that's where I'm typing from. Madelyn just didn't improve so we brought her in this morning again and she was admitted to the hospital. Her pulse ox was 92, she was breathing pretty fast, retracting, nasal flaring, all the good stuff. Tonight she is finally falling asleep at 8:30 and has smiled a few times. It was so sad - during her xrays they put her in this horrid contraption that holds her in from the sides and pins her arms up and above her head. She was so exhausted from the blood work pokes, IV pokes and all of that that she simply held her mouth open to breathe better and stared straight ahead. SO SAD!!!

We got some other very interesting news today as well. Turns out James has whooping cough! The test was positive. Worst part is...the twins also BOTH have it! So bizarre!! At least now we have an answer for James but he is just still so miserable. His mom is staying out at our house tonight with him and the other kids because he just about can't take care of everyone on his own. He coughs and throws up that much. I am praying hard that it clears up SOON.

Before I forget (again)!

2010-02-10T22:28:00.002-06:00

I just blogged all that and forgot about our Avery funny. So at bedtime we read her stories from the Bible - her children's Bible. Then we pray with her out loud - she prays and we pray. After that we tuck her in and she usually reads from her Bible for a while longer. By read, I mean she makes things up but she does so in a very loud, talkative manner. Last night one of our stories was about the prophet Elijah.

Last night we could hear her clearly. She was just chattering away. She is going to be a gifted read-alouder to her kids someday! We paused the tv so we could hear her and this is what came out: "I'm not a mommy. I'm a prophet! I help God with new tricks!!"

Holy hilarious.

Aaaaannnnnddddd....

2010-02-10T22:15:00.002-06:00

we're still at home. This is a good thing. The person most in need of the hospital is James I think. I have HONESTLY NEVER heard anyone cough like this. He coughs repeatedly/solidly for about 15 seconds and usually throws up afterward. Our dr did run the pertussis (whooping cough) test but we don't have results yet. Today James also has tons of drainage and is stuffed up and just plain miserable. I am truly at a loss. I've never heard of anything like it. I feel TERRIBLE for him.

Macey seems to be coming around. She doesn't cough as frequently and she is happier. Madelyn is still concerning, but after getting her up for a while tonight she smiled at me a few times which tells me she's doing ok. She still coughs a TON and really struggles with that. I actually think her cough is getting worse and will probably bring her in to the dr in the morning to get her checked over for peace of mind. The pertussis test was also run on the twins. Results pending.

I think we may have turned the potty corner with Caden tonight. He has been wearing big boy underwear to school for weeks now and has only had maybe 1 accident. Problem is, he holds it...and holds it and HOLDS it. Then he gets home and tries to go, but starts to cry and saw "ow" on the potty and it's all kinds of confusing. Tonight he started caterwauling on the potty, flapping his hands and rolling his head around, saying owie - it was just bizarre. Finally I let him get off the potty and as we were pulling up his underwear and jeans he started peeing ALL over. I got firm with him (ok, I was mad) and put him back on the potty. I think the problem is he doesn't like the FEELING of continued flow coming out. I think he thinks that's owie. So every time he did a nice, steady stream I got all excited and started hooting and hollering. When he stopped, I went quiet. Caden LOVES a good ol ruckus, so he started back up again, and every time the flow would keep going I would just whoop it up! He finally got a lot of pee out, and I think he got used to the idea that it's supposed to come out all at once and all at the same time. At least I hope so. There seems to be a disconnect there and I'm not sure if it's his developmental age or his disability or what...but hopefully tonight made sense for him!